One more chance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
One more chance
I can't count how many times I've attempted to get clean over the past decade, and I'm only 32! After 3 detoxes, 4 rehabs, numerous outpatient programs, and hundreds of 12 step meetings my addiction continued to progress and get worse with every relapse. I started as a 21 year old who drank too much and ended up as a 32 year old heroin and cocaine addict and prostitute. My family and boyfriend have given me one last chance to get clean or they are all washing their hands of me.
There's so much more to the story but for now I'll just share that I decided to give recovery one more chance, moved into my parents house with my boyfriend where I could have constant supervision and so far have 35 days clean. No detox, no Suboxone, no rehab, no outpatient, no meetings... Just a 45 minute therapy appointment once a week and the support of my clueless parents and boyfriend and a few close friends who are familiar with addiction and recovery. The first few weeks were actually easy and even kinda fun and now it seems to be getting harder by the day. So I'm hoping this is a good place to connect with others who relate to what I'm going through. Thanks for listening!
There's so much more to the story but for now I'll just share that I decided to give recovery one more chance, moved into my parents house with my boyfriend where I could have constant supervision and so far have 35 days clean. No detox, no Suboxone, no rehab, no outpatient, no meetings... Just a 45 minute therapy appointment once a week and the support of my clueless parents and boyfriend and a few close friends who are familiar with addiction and recovery. The first few weeks were actually easy and even kinda fun and now it seems to be getting harder by the day. So I'm hoping this is a good place to connect with others who relate to what I'm going through. Thanks for listening!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Welcome Amester!
Yes, we do understand just how you're feeling. I wish I'd tried to stop when I was 32. I kept going for almost 20 more years. At least you see what needs to happen & are reaching out for some help. Congrats on your 35 days clean - that's a great achievement. I know you can keep going with it and turn your life around. Glad to meet you.
Yes, we do understand just how you're feeling. I wish I'd tried to stop when I was 32. I kept going for almost 20 more years. At least you see what needs to happen & are reaching out for some help. Congrats on your 35 days clean - that's a great achievement. I know you can keep going with it and turn your life around. Glad to meet you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Welcome Amester. Well done on 35 days. It appears you've been down a long, hard road, but you will find a lot of support and help here.
Have you given up on 12-Step programs? If so, have you considered secular programs like LifeRing, SOS or SMART Recover? I know their meetings aren't as prevalent as AA/NA meetings, but they also have online resources.
For now, I suggest posting on this site if you find your thoughts going in the wrong direction. Many people here can help keep you on the right path.
Whatever you do, don't give up on yourself. It's tough, I know, but you can overcome this.
Have you given up on 12-Step programs? If so, have you considered secular programs like LifeRing, SOS or SMART Recover? I know their meetings aren't as prevalent as AA/NA meetings, but they also have online resources.
For now, I suggest posting on this site if you find your thoughts going in the wrong direction. Many people here can help keep you on the right path.
Whatever you do, don't give up on yourself. It's tough, I know, but you can overcome this.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,493
Good for you for getting through 35 days! That's a great achievement and you should be proud of yourself.
I think you might be finding that recovery is more than stopping drinking and drugs. It's great that you're getting therapy and you have family support. I wonder if you have made any other changes in your life?
I think you might be finding that recovery is more than stopping drinking and drugs. It's great that you're getting therapy and you have family support. I wonder if you have made any other changes in your life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
Lots of changes, moved out of my apartment and the city I've lived in for 10 years, moved back in with my parents in the suburbs, cut off all dealers/shooting up friends/customers and got a new phone number and email address. I have a different view on recovery this time, I finally decided I'm done being stubborn and calling the shots and insisting I have all the answers. I'm done making BS excuses for why I "have to" use or drink or binge/purge or cut myself or whatever else I do to run away from myself.
I know I need more help than a counselor and a few understanding friends but I honestly don't know exactly what that "help" would be at this point. Kinda feels like I've tried it all already.
I know I need more help than a counselor and a few understanding friends but I honestly don't know exactly what that "help" would be at this point. Kinda feels like I've tried it all already.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
Thanks for the feedback and the warm welcome 
I am trying very hard to put aside my past experiences of the 12 step programs in this area and give it another chance with an open mind and a willingness to actually listen for once in my life lol
I am trying very hard to put aside my past experiences of the 12 step programs in this area and give it another chance with an open mind and a willingness to actually listen for once in my life lol
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
