Day One-Need Help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Day One-Need Help
I have been a member for about a year, and many a day was saved by reading posts from everyone on SR.Thank You for that. I have been drinking on and off since I was 15, over 40 years. I did go 10 years sober, loved my life, spent time with friends, doing things not involving alcohol. I was married for 26 years to a wonderful woman, my best friend, and a very supportive partner. For other reasons we divorced 5 years ago. I have managed poorly with sobriety since then. I have been in 3 relationships since the divorce, and my alcohol use has been a key factor in them not working.
I have found myself to be the epitome of co-dependence, which I am getting therapy for. The booze has to go, I want my life back, and the best years of my life were those sober. I am a binger, and for most of those many years, beer was what I consumed. My tolerance has gotten so high, that there are not enough hours in the day for beer, and I have changed to whiskey. I just got out of the last relationship, and went on a 7 day binge, at least a fifth a day, actually there are 9 empty bottles that I threw out. I am going cold turkey today, been without a drink for 24 hours now. I know better, and it has been a rough day, you know the drill, shakes, sweats, no sleep, little food. I am confident that I can stop, at least for a week or two, but I need help. I am planning on attending an AA meeting tomorrow night, and haven't posted here for a long time. I need the support, if I don't get it I may not live another year. My body, and my mind cannot do this anymore-my life looks good on the outside, but is truly a mess. Any advice on why I get into these co-dependent relationships, or am I putting the cart before the horse. Thanks for listening-I'll keep it briefer next time.
I have found myself to be the epitome of co-dependence, which I am getting therapy for. The booze has to go, I want my life back, and the best years of my life were those sober. I am a binger, and for most of those many years, beer was what I consumed. My tolerance has gotten so high, that there are not enough hours in the day for beer, and I have changed to whiskey. I just got out of the last relationship, and went on a 7 day binge, at least a fifth a day, actually there are 9 empty bottles that I threw out. I am going cold turkey today, been without a drink for 24 hours now. I know better, and it has been a rough day, you know the drill, shakes, sweats, no sleep, little food. I am confident that I can stop, at least for a week or two, but I need help. I am planning on attending an AA meeting tomorrow night, and haven't posted here for a long time. I need the support, if I don't get it I may not live another year. My body, and my mind cannot do this anymore-my life looks good on the outside, but is truly a mess. Any advice on why I get into these co-dependent relationships, or am I putting the cart before the horse. Thanks for listening-I'll keep it briefer next time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Glad you've made the decision to stop.
The codependency thing...when you are in enough pain you choose to do things differently. Staying on my side of the street is hard for me, too. There are CoDA meetings, why don't you call them? I know I have to do both, AA and CoDA.
We are here for you, keep posting!
The codependency thing...when you are in enough pain you choose to do things differently. Staying on my side of the street is hard for me, too. There are CoDA meetings, why don't you call them? I know I have to do both, AA and CoDA.
We are here for you, keep posting!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Blue skies. You can talk as much as you want, as often as you need. Those 10 years taught you something I'm sure too...build on that. Be safe too, don't be afraid to call for help locally if you need it
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hi Blueskies!
Welcome back! We got a couple of things in common. I was a drunk too. I had 10 years sober too before I picked it back up. And I'll bet we can have a third. If I can quit again, I know you can too.
I'm no expert on the cart before the horse question but I know that for me I needed to get my feet planted first for a little bit then I got working on my other issues. Everybody has issues. I just know me that I'm not very good working on them while I'm drinking. Pretty bad at it actually.
Good news was the 10 years I had before speeded me right through the part of having to wonder if life could be better. I knew for a fact that it could be and it was. Lucky me on that part.
This time around after I got going again living sober I realized how much catching up I needed to do in the personal growth department. Lots. More good news. It's coming to me at a very nice quick and steady pace. No matter what I got to work on...and I got plenty...I at least have the clarity to take it on.
You can do it. It just takes work. Sober up and then do the work. I didn't wait too long though. Maybe 30 days. Just me. I figured that was one of the major reasons I wanted to get sober...so I could get busy making my life better. However, my first few weeks I just wanted to get past the crappy withdrawal part. I focused on sleep and ice cream the first 30 days. Then I started working on some stuff.
I believe you will find the right time for you to do what you need to do when it's right for you to do it. I wouldn't slack too much on the staying sober part though. That's where it all starts anyway.
You can do it!
Welcome back! We got a couple of things in common. I was a drunk too. I had 10 years sober too before I picked it back up. And I'll bet we can have a third. If I can quit again, I know you can too.
I'm no expert on the cart before the horse question but I know that for me I needed to get my feet planted first for a little bit then I got working on my other issues. Everybody has issues. I just know me that I'm not very good working on them while I'm drinking. Pretty bad at it actually.
Good news was the 10 years I had before speeded me right through the part of having to wonder if life could be better. I knew for a fact that it could be and it was. Lucky me on that part.
This time around after I got going again living sober I realized how much catching up I needed to do in the personal growth department. Lots. More good news. It's coming to me at a very nice quick and steady pace. No matter what I got to work on...and I got plenty...I at least have the clarity to take it on.
You can do it. It just takes work. Sober up and then do the work. I didn't wait too long though. Maybe 30 days. Just me. I figured that was one of the major reasons I wanted to get sober...so I could get busy making my life better. However, my first few weeks I just wanted to get past the crappy withdrawal part. I focused on sleep and ice cream the first 30 days. Then I started working on some stuff.
I believe you will find the right time for you to do what you need to do when it's right for you to do it. I wouldn't slack too much on the staying sober part though. That's where it all starts anyway.
You can do it!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
You can put this together Blue Skies...one moment at a time. When we are lucky, we find that sweet spot of darkness that wearily says "no more" and humbly, with fear and little confidence we reach out and slowly find our way ...and I know for me, its in the company (wherever we may find it) with people who understand, relate...and care about your success like their own.
You will find many, many of those souls right here.
You will find many, many of those souls right here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Special thanks to all of you! I am of course not sleeping, so am up late and really feel a sense of unity in your responses. I took a walk earlier in the day, did a sort of personal inventory of all the things in my life I am grateful for. I just said to myself, this is where I've come.....and it is not the place I want to be.......and I can't blame anyone or anything but myself. Thanks 360shoes, I know all to well sober first, committed and working a program. I can "fix" anything, that's also where the co-dependence comes in.....I am a fixer. I never take that time to be good to myself. That time started when I finished my last drink. Thanks again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Thank You everyone. 48 hours sober.
I feel back on track already, had a very good day, despite not much sleep last night. I took care of myself today, good food, and some exercise outside, saw my father who is dying. Puts things in perspective when I can walk, in great shape and still I chose to drink and all of the related BS that comes from it, and my father can't even stand up. Life is so precious, and booze takes that quality of life, or our last breath.
Changed my shirt 3 times and took two showers with the sweats. Went to a meeting and sweated pretty bad through most of that.
I think I may even sleep tonight. Thanks everyone for being there.
I feel back on track already, had a very good day, despite not much sleep last night. I took care of myself today, good food, and some exercise outside, saw my father who is dying. Puts things in perspective when I can walk, in great shape and still I chose to drink and all of the related BS that comes from it, and my father can't even stand up. Life is so precious, and booze takes that quality of life, or our last breath.
Changed my shirt 3 times and took two showers with the sweats. Went to a meeting and sweated pretty bad through most of that.
I think I may even sleep tonight. Thanks everyone for being there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Good for you BlueSkiesAhead! I was in recovery for 13 years and a divorce was part of my relapse too. I think the co-dependency and addiction go hand in hand for many of us. Now that I'm sober again, I'm able to look at relationships in a different light. I've been in counseling for awhile and have found that helpful. Many of the other forums on this site have also been helpful for me too. Keep up the journey; you've traveling this path before and you know what to do although it doesn't make it that much easier at times. Proud of you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
Hi BlueSkies - you can have that wonderful sober life again. I picked up a drink after 6 years and honestly my life has been very chaotic until 28 days ago - it has taken me 4.5 +years to get sober again. The thing is I know what life was like, how much more I enjoyed my life and how much happier I was. I think when you've had recovery you know why being sober is so worthwhile.
I've read many posts on SR where people with good recovery have noted the importance of making changes in our lives. I am eating well, exercising daily (even a brisk 20 minute walk before work at 6am - winter here!) - adding all the good stuff seems to decrease the desire of putting bad stuff into my body. I am loving my new sober life and it is even better than my past sober life (not that I'd recommend anyone take my journey!).
I've read many posts on SR where people with good recovery have noted the importance of making changes in our lives. I am eating well, exercising daily (even a brisk 20 minute walk before work at 6am - winter here!) - adding all the good stuff seems to decrease the desire of putting bad stuff into my body. I am loving my new sober life and it is even better than my past sober life (not that I'd recommend anyone take my journey!).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Thank You All,
I find that the SR group has much more experience with recovery at the level I am at, and that helps so much. I’ve been in the trenches for many years, and run the gambit of experiences as an alcoholic. I go to meetings in my area and what I find is many people just starting the journey. This site really helps me for the vast levels of experience you all contribute. It would take a very large “church basement” to hold all of the people on here.
Starting Day 3. Slept poorly. I knew this was coming, and I have my day planned out.
Thanks again everyone.
I find that the SR group has much more experience with recovery at the level I am at, and that helps so much. I’ve been in the trenches for many years, and run the gambit of experiences as an alcoholic. I go to meetings in my area and what I find is many people just starting the journey. This site really helps me for the vast levels of experience you all contribute. It would take a very large “church basement” to hold all of the people on here.
Starting Day 3. Slept poorly. I knew this was coming, and I have my day planned out.
Thanks again everyone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 122
Day 4
I had a plan today too AF66. Slept really poorly if at all again, but got up, ate a healthy breakfast, and went to another meeting. The people at the meeting are mostly "old dogs" like myself so it was a VERY good experience.
The weather here was perfect,( Blue Skies) and I had a lot of gratitude to share at the meeting. I then spent the afternoon with my father who is dying in the nursing home. Got a lot done since I got home. W/D symptoms are much better today. Looking forward to Day 5!
Thank You all again for your support!
I had a plan today too AF66. Slept really poorly if at all again, but got up, ate a healthy breakfast, and went to another meeting. The people at the meeting are mostly "old dogs" like myself so it was a VERY good experience.
The weather here was perfect,( Blue Skies) and I had a lot of gratitude to share at the meeting. I then spent the afternoon with my father who is dying in the nursing home. Got a lot done since I got home. W/D symptoms are much better today. Looking forward to Day 5!
Thank You all again for your support!
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