andynotts1974

Just starting my first full day sober after a big binge, It was a drugs binge followed by heavy drinking to get some sleep, had the usuall day of anxiety, and panic which i took the edge off with a little alcohol. I will be better in a day or 2 once the jelly legs have gone and i can get some food down. I was just wondering how people stop themselves from having a binge in the first place, i always seem to get better then forget what a mess things get into and go off on another binge and forget all the bad feelings i have when im sobering up.

Django

I now think of what I felt like when I woke up.Last week,like you went on a 4 day binge which involved lots of alcohol and cocaine.I had to go to work the next day and it was awful,anxiety,throwing up,sweats,random pains,dehydrated,headache etc you get the picture.

Don't forget what it feels like now and ask if it's worth it.

DisplacedGRITS

For me, I have to be very aware of my emotional state. I have to not ignore it if something in my brain starts toying with the mere possibility of drinking. I have to be rabidly honest with myself. If the thought of drinking crosses my mind, I address it. I call my sponsor and/or another sober alcoholic. I talk it out and I get their advice. I root out what triggered the thought and I disclose it to another human being. Usually, I find myself at a meeting later that day and I again hang out and talk.

Basically, I don't sweep my emotions or thoughts under the rug anymore. I stop the drink before I even pick up my keys to go to the store. That's type only way that's worked for me so far.

Dee74

Hi Andy - welcome

I found posting here helped me remember that I had a problem and that it wasn;t going away.

I think that kind of acceptance is vital in order to make a change.

I hope you'll stick around

D

andynotts1974

My brother is a recovering alcoholic, 9 years now, my father is a binge drinker as well although he is too old to do it much theses days. I suppose i didnt have much chance of getting away with it. I can go on a binge if i feel happy, sad if its a nice day, anything really, i just cant figure out what sets me off its like a switch in my head. If things have gone good for a while its like i have to press the self destruct button, i have enjoyed a couple of cool beers and left it at that but other times i have had a drink i end up jumping in the car and going to see the crack dealer and end up in some awfull place full of drug addicts, i was thinking about doing a geographic but i always seem to find the same people and end up getting back into it again. I ask myself what the hell am i doing here, then go home and drink heavily for a few days and end up feeling like crap again.

andynotts1974

I have always found it difficult to speak about my emotions and had a pretty disfunctional childhood, i remember my father picking on me when he was drunk, being put in foster care with my baby brother for a week. There are lots of things that it could be tht make me feel like im not good enough for happiness. Maybe i should see a psychologist to see what makes me tick.

Thepatman

I know it easy to forget how bad we felt after a binge when we start feeling great. As other have said identifying your trigger is key.

Playing the tape of what will happen if we only pick up one drink or drunk is also useful.

Hope you feel better soon! Be kind to yourself

Sobertaurus

I was in your shoes a week ago. You can do this one day at a time . It gets better and you will feel better each day. This place is wonderful. Check in often.

HeadLump

Rooting for you, andy :

Welcome to SR

phil571610

I killed myself tonight with alcohol. Again. I had 2 days up.

WritingFromLife

Andy--I was similar-difference-I drank only when things were good for years (all well with finances, no emotional pain over anything, and a beautiful day). Drinking would sabotage this immediately. I would stop, and then feel all that beauty and promise again, think I can handle it, and just have one (right.) I repeated this roller coaster for many years. I remember thinking since I don't drink when things are bad (to drown my feelings) In fact, just the opposite (I knew alcohol would exacerbate my sad emotions)--I would ask myself the same question you are. "Why am I drinking when things are GOOD?" Me thinks I was self-sabotaging. Things were going great, that can't be right! (subconscious) let's get back to misery where you are comfortable." Eventually, I began drinking when things got bad to numb the emotions. Wow.

Stick around as they say. It gets soooo much better if you give it a fighting chance!

Mountainmanbob

Might be a good time to crawl to a meeting

MM

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Andy, it all starts with a Day 1, you'll find loads of support here!!

DancingDiva

If you think you might pick up, come back and read your posts here, and ask yourself if you want to have to make the same posts the next day because you screwed up. This is something I need to do, because I've made too many day 1 posts for my liking. Next time, I'll just read through all the ones I already made and see if I really want to make another one.

Stay strong! You can do this!

zombiegirl

How do you feel about this?

mburnsc

Right with you. Did the same thing the last couple days.

andynotts1974

Thanks for the replies, i will read them all through later when i cant get any sleep, sweats and nightmares i hate them, feeling a lot less anxious now, just cut the lawn and did all the dishes and cleaned the upside down house up, I always have this thing about tydying the house and getting rid of all the evidence after the binge, trying to put the vodka bottles in the bin without neighbours seeing.

andynotts1974

Well thats all the bottles hidden in the bin, i just need to text my family now, i tell them my phone has gone on the blink and i cant speak to them. Im embarressed they know what im up to but they arent stupid. Im going to get in touch with the local drug and drink councelling service once im 100%

JaylaaKent

For me it's always easy to stay committed to sobriety and recovery when I'm still reeling from the physical/emotional hangovers - it's when I'm feeling good (3-6 months sober) that I start forgetting how BAD I felt and lose that commitment.

andynotts1974

Ye im the same i forget how bad it was and think it will be better somehow next time, like my brother said it just gets worse, i remember before he got sobre seeing him asleep in telephone boxes and living on a matress on his living room floor. I will look back at these posts next time i think it will be a good idea.