Brindie

I have been reading a lot of painful posts recently from folks out there suffering in the early stages of break-up or considering that possibility, and feel at a loss to give advice sometimes. BUT I do want to let you guys know how much your advice, support, wise words, experience, humour and empathy has meant to me, and what a difference it has made to me on a daily basis. So where am I - 4 months on from leaving STBEAH? Settled in a rented property with my 2 dogs, still working, paying my way, learned to change a lightbulb and get my car serviced on time! Head still whirling around a bit, but peaceful and contented most of the time, and pleased to be away from the crazy stuff. Most of all safe. STBEAH is now 100 days sober, I know this from family although I maintain a strict no contact policy, because I'm still afraid he may relapse. I filed for divorce, and he has agreed, so we are communicating through lawyers only, and moving forward slowly towards a settlement. So far, so good. The road is not an easy one, but worth it. The thing I have learned from you folks is to stay the course, stand up for myself, have courage and remember that 'time is our friend' - thanks Chicory for that one, it's so true. I have understood that our relationship in no way resembled a good marriage - I had become so co-dependent I didn't even know what 'normal' looked like! Crazy was my norm so I truly understand what Lost is going through now, and wish him all the best going forward. Hammer - you have such insightful humour in your posts you remind me to keep smiling and 'working the program' even if not perfect! Too many lovely people out there who have helped, so to all of you who have still to go through the place I've been, stick in here, listen to these wise folks and keep posting, reading and learning ..... I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Here's to the next four months.

honeypig

Thanks for sharing your experience here, Brindie! I always love to hear from folks who've summoned up their courage and made the changes they needed, and are now starting to experience "happy, joyous and free", like the Big Book says.

So happy your life is getting so much better!

Brindie

Honey - I hope others just find the courage to make the change with the help of all you guys. It was this forum that led me to understand the reality of my situation in the first place. Since then I check in daily and always find something to get me thinking and moving forward. I am nearly 60 and hope to have a whole lot of life ahead of me, so to you folks who have many more years of joyful life ahead of you, grab it!

NYCDoglvr

Thanks for sharing a message so full of hope!

PurpleWilder

I may get this turned into a tattoo! Thanks for the insight.

queenapple

Brindle, your words really hit home-- "I know now that our marriage in no way resembled a normal marriage and I was so co-dependent I didn't realize it." This is SO me. My kids are all delighted that I've finally separated from RAH, not just for the drinking but also for other issues that have had a huge impact on our whole family.

And yet I still try and defend him. I'm sad that they don't want to see him. I upset that out 44 year marriage is coming to this. I've done such stupid things to keep him from being hurt by other people.

And as I write this, it's really pretty clear-- what the heck is the matter with ME???? I'm hoping I can reach the point you're at eventually.