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Join Date: May 2014
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Hey, just wanted to say hi. I'm 33 years old, been a severe problem drinker for the better part of the last 15 years. I've finally reached a point where I know this is killing me and I simply cannot do it anymore. I never want to drink again, I can't, this is life and death for me at this point. Just a brief history of my drinking:
I started as a bad binge drinker in late high school then college, always getting drunk every time I drank. There never was social drinking for me, at least not the way that term is commonly understood. After I graduated college, my drinking problem seemed to get worse, causing significant family issues, and leading to periods where I was drinking every day. I took a 7 week hiatus at age 23, but it didn't stick. I still wanted to be in the party scene, so I went back to my episodic binges. At times, I was able to keep them contained to Fri/Sat night, but often it would be Thursdays or Sundays or random weeknights as well. Despite my best efforts to destroy myself, I managed to make it through grad school and land a good profession. However, my drinking only grew worse. Constantly hungover at work, plenty of "sick" days, excuses for why I had to put off projects, etc. Feeling sick all the time.
Eventually I settled into the most recent pattern, which correlates to anywhere from 3-6 day binge, then 2-5 days off, then wash, rinse, repeat. The scary part became that once I took that first drink on Thurs or Fri night or whatever, I had no idea how long the binge would go or when it would end, and it was usually drinking all day/all night during it. I would consume massive amounts in a night (15+ drinks), behave in reckless/irresponsible manner, ruin countless relationships, and just be a menace in general. As I got into my late 20s, I had an arrest, then an incident where I got seriously injured and required surgery, all due to drinking. These would bring on periods of 5-6 weeks sober, but I was never ready to change. I still wanted to be in the "scene," thought I would miss out, thought I would lose friends if I quit.
By the time I hit 31, I found I didn't have many friends, they were dwindling. I wasn't in a party scene, 80% of my drinking was by myself. I had ruined all my romantic relationships and couldn't make any new ones stick because of drinking. Still, I plowed on, convinced I was just "different," and this is who I was, and whatever other justification I could keep for my binging. I began constantly missing work on Mondays, sitting around, drinking all day, then trying to drag myself to work the next day. The last few months, I reached a boiling point, I was now drinking generally 4-5 nights a week, and the "off days" were becoming less frequent.
And now I'm finally ready to change. I cannot go on like this anymore. I'm going to die young and alone if I do. I will never be able to keep a job. I will never be able to maintain a romantic relationship. I will lose the last few friends I do still have and probably my family as well. So I came clean to my work and they put me on medical leave to clean myself up. I half-expected them to fire me on the spot since I had been lying for so long.
Day 3 right now. Starting an intensive outpatient program this week, 4 times a week, a few hours per day. Open to anything. I've read rational recovery and like some of the concepts (the AV particularly), but I need external assistance as well. I hope I can apply different recovery concepts, but the goal is simple, I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I can never drink again, it will lead to my death. .
Anyway, sorry to be long-winded, I've lurked for a while here, and it's brought me comfort. Hoping to use this site as a resource as well. I know this will be difficult, but I have to do it for my health, sanity and to have any chance at happiness in this life.
I started as a bad binge drinker in late high school then college, always getting drunk every time I drank. There never was social drinking for me, at least not the way that term is commonly understood. After I graduated college, my drinking problem seemed to get worse, causing significant family issues, and leading to periods where I was drinking every day. I took a 7 week hiatus at age 23, but it didn't stick. I still wanted to be in the party scene, so I went back to my episodic binges. At times, I was able to keep them contained to Fri/Sat night, but often it would be Thursdays or Sundays or random weeknights as well. Despite my best efforts to destroy myself, I managed to make it through grad school and land a good profession. However, my drinking only grew worse. Constantly hungover at work, plenty of "sick" days, excuses for why I had to put off projects, etc. Feeling sick all the time.
Eventually I settled into the most recent pattern, which correlates to anywhere from 3-6 day binge, then 2-5 days off, then wash, rinse, repeat. The scary part became that once I took that first drink on Thurs or Fri night or whatever, I had no idea how long the binge would go or when it would end, and it was usually drinking all day/all night during it. I would consume massive amounts in a night (15+ drinks), behave in reckless/irresponsible manner, ruin countless relationships, and just be a menace in general. As I got into my late 20s, I had an arrest, then an incident where I got seriously injured and required surgery, all due to drinking. These would bring on periods of 5-6 weeks sober, but I was never ready to change. I still wanted to be in the "scene," thought I would miss out, thought I would lose friends if I quit.
By the time I hit 31, I found I didn't have many friends, they were dwindling. I wasn't in a party scene, 80% of my drinking was by myself. I had ruined all my romantic relationships and couldn't make any new ones stick because of drinking. Still, I plowed on, convinced I was just "different," and this is who I was, and whatever other justification I could keep for my binging. I began constantly missing work on Mondays, sitting around, drinking all day, then trying to drag myself to work the next day. The last few months, I reached a boiling point, I was now drinking generally 4-5 nights a week, and the "off days" were becoming less frequent.
And now I'm finally ready to change. I cannot go on like this anymore. I'm going to die young and alone if I do. I will never be able to keep a job. I will never be able to maintain a romantic relationship. I will lose the last few friends I do still have and probably my family as well. So I came clean to my work and they put me on medical leave to clean myself up. I half-expected them to fire me on the spot since I had been lying for so long.
Day 3 right now. Starting an intensive outpatient program this week, 4 times a week, a few hours per day. Open to anything. I've read rational recovery and like some of the concepts (the AV particularly), but I need external assistance as well. I hope I can apply different recovery concepts, but the goal is simple, I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I can never drink again, it will lead to my death. .
Anyway, sorry to be long-winded, I've lurked for a while here, and it's brought me comfort. Hoping to use this site as a resource as well. I know this will be difficult, but I have to do it for my health, sanity and to have any chance at happiness in this life.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by SoberHoopsFan 
Hey, just wanted to say hi. I'm 33 years old, been a severe problem drinker for the better part of the last 15 years. I've finally reached a point where I know this is killing me and I simply cannot do it anymore. I never want to drink again, I can't, this is life and death for me at this point. Just a brief history of my drinking:
I started as a bad binge drinker in late high school then college, always getting drunk every time I drank. There never was social drinking for me, at least not the way that term is commonly understood. After I graduated college, my drinking problem seemed to get worse, causing significant family issues, and leading to periods where I was drinking every day. I took a 7 week hiatus at age 23, but it didn't stick. I still wanted to be in the party scene, so I went back to my episodic binges. At times, I was able to keep them contained to Fri/Sat night, but often it would be Thursdays or Sundays or random weeknights as well. Despite my best efforts to destroy myself, I managed to make it through grad school and land a good profession. However, my drinking only grew worse. Constantly hungover at work, plenty of "sick" days, excuses for why I had to put off projects, etc. Feeling sick all the time.
Eventually I settled into the most recent pattern, which correlates to anywhere from 3-6 day binge, then 2-5 days off, then wash, rinse, repeat. The scary part became that once I took that first drink on Thurs or Fri night or whatever, I had no idea how long the binge would go or when it would end, and it was usually drinking all day/all night during it. I would consume massive amounts in a night (15+ drinks), behave in reckless/irresponsible manner, ruin countless relationships, and just be a menace in general. As I got into my late 20s, I had an arrest, then an incident where I got seriously injured and required surgery, all due to drinking. These would bring on periods of 5-6 weeks sober, but I was never ready to change. I still wanted to be in the "scene," thought I would miss out, thought I would lose friends if I quit.
By the time I hit 31, I found I didn't have many friends, they were dwindling. I wasn't in a party scene, 80% of my drinking was by myself. I had ruined all my romantic relationships and couldn't make any new ones stick because of drinking. Still, I plowed on, convinced I was just "different," and this is who I was, and whatever other justification I could keep for my binging. I began constantly missing work on Mondays, sitting around, drinking all day, then trying to drag myself to work the next day. The last few months, I reached a boiling point, I was now drinking generally 4-5 nights a week, and the "off days" were becoming less frequent.
And now I'm finally ready to change. I cannot go on like this anymore. I'm going to die young and alone if I do. I will never be able to keep a job. I will never be able to maintain a romantic relationship. I will lose the last few friends I do still have and probably my family as well. So I came clean to my work and they put me on medical leave to clean myself up. I half-expected them to fire me on the spot since I had been lying for so long.
Day 3 right now. Starting an intensive outpatient program this week, 4 times a week, a few hours per day. Open to anything. I've read rational recovery and like some of the concepts (the AV particularly), but I need external assistance as well. I hope I can apply different recovery concepts, but the goal is simple, I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I can never drink again, it will lead to my death. .
Anyway, sorry to be long-winded, I've lurked for a while here, and it's brought me comfort. Hoping to use this site as a resource as well. I know this will be difficult, but I have to do it for my health, sanity and to have any chance at happiness in this life.
I started as a bad binge drinker in late high school then college, always getting drunk every time I drank. There never was social drinking for me, at least not the way that term is commonly understood. After I graduated college, my drinking problem seemed to get worse, causing significant family issues, and leading to periods where I was drinking every day. I took a 7 week hiatus at age 23, but it didn't stick. I still wanted to be in the party scene, so I went back to my episodic binges. At times, I was able to keep them contained to Fri/Sat night, but often it would be Thursdays or Sundays or random weeknights as well. Despite my best efforts to destroy myself, I managed to make it through grad school and land a good profession. However, my drinking only grew worse. Constantly hungover at work, plenty of "sick" days, excuses for why I had to put off projects, etc. Feeling sick all the time.
Eventually I settled into the most recent pattern, which correlates to anywhere from 3-6 day binge, then 2-5 days off, then wash, rinse, repeat. The scary part became that once I took that first drink on Thurs or Fri night or whatever, I had no idea how long the binge would go or when it would end, and it was usually drinking all day/all night during it. I would consume massive amounts in a night (15+ drinks), behave in reckless/irresponsible manner, ruin countless relationships, and just be a menace in general. As I got into my late 20s, I had an arrest, then an incident where I got seriously injured and required surgery, all due to drinking. These would bring on periods of 5-6 weeks sober, but I was never ready to change. I still wanted to be in the "scene," thought I would miss out, thought I would lose friends if I quit.
By the time I hit 31, I found I didn't have many friends, they were dwindling. I wasn't in a party scene, 80% of my drinking was by myself. I had ruined all my romantic relationships and couldn't make any new ones stick because of drinking. Still, I plowed on, convinced I was just "different," and this is who I was, and whatever other justification I could keep for my binging. I began constantly missing work on Mondays, sitting around, drinking all day, then trying to drag myself to work the next day. The last few months, I reached a boiling point, I was now drinking generally 4-5 nights a week, and the "off days" were becoming less frequent.
And now I'm finally ready to change. I cannot go on like this anymore. I'm going to die young and alone if I do. I will never be able to keep a job. I will never be able to maintain a romantic relationship. I will lose the last few friends I do still have and probably my family as well. So I came clean to my work and they put me on medical leave to clean myself up. I half-expected them to fire me on the spot since I had been lying for so long.
Day 3 right now. Starting an intensive outpatient program this week, 4 times a week, a few hours per day. Open to anything. I've read rational recovery and like some of the concepts (the AV particularly), but I need external assistance as well. I hope I can apply different recovery concepts, but the goal is simple, I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I can never drink again, it will lead to my death. .
Anyway, sorry to be long-winded, I've lurked for a while here, and it's brought me comfort. Hoping to use this site as a resource as well. I know this will be difficult, but I have to do it for my health, sanity and to have any chance at happiness in this life.
Welcome aboard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Anna
Welcome!
We do understand how hard this is.
We do understand how hard this is.
I guess I'm sort of in a weird place, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober this time.
congrats on Day 3!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
Welcome soberhoopsfan! I get a lot of identification from your story. Congratulations on day 3, sounds like you made a good decision opening up to your work. I'm sure the outpatient service will help you lots over the coming weeks. Keep coming on here, there is plenty of support to help you on your way!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 68
Welcome Soberhoopsfan you've made a great decision in becoming sober. Still wanting to be a part of the party scene was my downfall too but I realised that alcohol tricks you into thinking that the parties and nights out were greater then they actually were.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Seanfox
Welcome Soberhoopsfan you've made a great decision in becoming sober. Still wanting to be a part of the party scene was my downfall too but I realised that alcohol tricks you into thinking that the parties and nights out were greater then they actually were.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by SoberHoopsFan
I guess I'm sort of in a weird place, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober this time.
I'm working my way through a sober day 3.
Welcome
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Topeka, Kansas
Posts: 138
I can definitely relate to your story soberhoops fan! It is crazy how progressive alcoholism becomes. Im 32 and have been sober 80 days now. Ive lost excellent jobs due to alcohol. Its ruined relationships. Ive spent ridiculous amounts of money on booze over the years. Im pretty much a poster child for an alcoholic, but through Sober Recovery ive realized im definitely not alone and there are many "poster children" out there. Life is so much better sober. Good luck in your journey! You gt this man!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by SigChiScooby
I can definitely relate to your story soberhoops fan! It is crazy how progressive alcoholism becomes. Im 32 and have been sober 80 days now. Ive lost excellent jobs due to alcohol. Its ruined relationships. Ive spent ridiculous amounts of money on booze over the years. Im pretty much a poster child for an alcoholic, but through Sober Recovery ive realized im definitely not alone and there are many "poster children" out there. Life is so much better sober. Good luck in your journey! You gt this man!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bay Area, California
Posts: 314
Every journey begins with the first step. Quitting drinking will improve so many things for you. It can be a bit rough in the beginning, so be prepared, but know that it's worth it! I'm in my 30's too and have over 7 months now. You can do this!
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