Wahine

I went to look at a rental today. Was all ready to put down a deposit. The house is rented through an agency. The realtor starts telling me about the application process. No job, no go. I was devastated. I then called an apartment. Same thing. I have good credit, the money to pay rent. But if I can't show proof of income, no deal. I've been a sahm for 20 years. Even if I could work, it won't be enough income to cover rent. I don't know what to do. Once the dv is in place I can show proof of alimony and child support. But, I can't file till I'm out of the house. I'm just crushed. Ah has reduced amt. Of deposits. Last week he told me he was going to cut off all the money and credit cards till, "you will have to ask for money to buy a loaf of bread." I just don't know what to do.

honeypig

Wahine, you said you have money to pay rent even though you don't currently have a job. Are you saying you have enough money in the bank to cover a long-term rental w/no additional income? If so, have you tried offering to pay a year's rent (assuming it would be a year lease) in advance? It's hard to imagine anyone who wouldn't rent to a person who can pay for their entire lease period up front.

If I misunderstood what you're saying about your financial situation, I apologize.

Wahine

My AH and I have a good deal of money. Yes, I could pay a year in advance, If I could access the money. He has moved most of the cash into accounts I can't access. L says it will take 60 days to get judge to enforce support. I think if I leave on 1st of the month and take pay deposits I would have enough for about 90 days, rent, food, etc... Tomorrow I'm going to look at a hotel that rents weekly. Kids and I would then have to put stuff in storage. Not sure what to do about the dog. I'm just upset and stressed. I thought I had this figured out. Every turn is an obstacle. Ah keeps taking more and more controlling over everything. He knows I saw an L and is mad. He knows how much support is going to cost and is pissed
Last week he threatened to take the doors off the hinges, he kept yelling that I was going to stop disrespecting him. I recorded his tirade. I'm thinking of taking it to the police to see if I can get RO.

LoveMeNow

Have you looked on craiglist? Private owners are much easier then going through a realtor. If having no job is an issue, offer 3-6 months rent up front.

dandylion

Wahine--I apologize for laughing so hard--at the image of removing the doors to prove one's power! You should have retaliated by threatening to remove all the windows.

Stil giggling.....

dandylion

(my bad).

honeypig

Can you contact a local animal shelter and see if they can recommend anyone who would be willing to foster your dog temporarily, perhaps one of their employees or a volunteer who works there? You could also try looking online thru a breed-specific rescue organization for a temporary foster situation.

If I lived close to you, I'd gladly foster your hound while you got on your feet!

anykey

If it were me- I would get a hold of the local battered womans shelter. They can advise you.

anykey

PS- if I was close I also would offer to house the dog temporarily.

RollTide

Me too.

LoveMeNow

Many breeds have a rescue organization that will place him temporarily or preeminently.

amy55

Wahine, sometimes you need to know and see when they are declaring "war" on you. This thing with threatening you financially, that is "war".

Even my low-down, HF, VA, EA, PA, SA ex ah, never threatened my financial security much.

Now if this war happened to me, I would have 3 options, maybe more

Option #1, go to a hotel, or a friends house, and wait out the time for you to get pendente lite support. Temporary support while you are going through the divorce.

Option # 2, go to a DV shelter, they can also perhaps provide temporary shelter for your dog.

Option # 3, file a Restraining Order against him, have him removed from the house, and pay you support or the house bills, while you live in the house.

File for the divorce immediately. Stay away from the F.O.G. Do any thinking from the head, not from the heart right now. Get yourself self, physically and mentally ok.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))

airwick

That is why my XAH and I never had shared accounts. We were married for 13 years, yet when I felt it was time for me to call it quits I had no problem. I was brought up on the advice that "No one is going to watch over you more then yourself ". A statement I was told by my loving father--God rest his soul.

Wahine

Thnks, guys, you make me laugh. Thanks for all the dog care offers. I have a puggle. She is basically a large movable foot warmer that eats.

He was threatening to take the door down because he was drunk and pissed. I moved into the guest bedroom about 8 months ago. It really set him off. He would just keep walking in, without knocking. So I lock the door. He does this to DD 14. It is super creepy. She has to stand in her tiny bathroom to get dressed when he is home. Every time I do something to remove his illusions of control he has a melt down. The week ends are the worse. I try and record every single conversation we have. He's the queen of de'nile. Loves to tell you A, then an hour later its B, tomorrow its back to A again. This is hard when the kids are involved. He will never commit to a time activity. Then shows up when hes said he won't/can't be there. Creeper. Took DD13 to horse back. Told me she had to be picked up at 1:30. DD says she heard him being told that horse was over at 2:30. I have health issues and cant sit in the heat and the sun. So I'm at horse pick up, no kid. About had heat stroke by the time I got home. I'm so tired of the games. I want my own place where I can lock all the doors and we can be alone not worrying about the next time he's going to come staggering in. Last weekend the girls and I were out running errands. We stop at a store, the girls are putting packages in the trunk, he pulls up. Runs over to where they are and starts questioning them. Life is hell when your own Dad/AH is stalking you. He gets mad because we leave and I don't give him a detailed itenerary of where we will be. So he follows us. He has done this for years. A friend and I would go to lunch. She went back to the car to get something and he was circling the parking lot. We were 20 miles from our home. What a creeper. To others. Always write down any little incidences that happen like this. Even if it isn't a big deal. They add up.

amy55

Wahine,

I don't want to scare you here, but are you sure he didn't attach a GPS to your car? How does he know where you are, how does he find you?

I didn't have to worry about this with my ex, he treated me like I didn't exist, yours has stalker behavior.

I'm thinking that after hearing this, your best option would be to go to a DV shelter, not take your car, or have your car checked for a GPS. DV shelters are usually at undisclosed locations. He wouldn't be able to find you there, but get that car checked.

Leaving is the worst time for a woman.

PS, I kept a daily journal, and it did help a lot with my divorce.

Keep safe,

((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

PS - Also have your cell phone checked

Bullfrog

Mine secretly put a tracker on my
iPhone, which tracked me to the women's shelter when I left. Just a heads up.

In my area, there are also long term residential housing shelters, but you might be on a waiting list for awhile before they call you.

Spinach

Nothing helpful , just good luck. You sound more than resourceful and he sounds dangerous
Keep well.
John.

redatlanta

70% of this country has bad credit thanks to the recession - don't let two put you off. You can find someone who will rent - perhaps a larger deposit. Hugs and keep on going - you can get out.

jacrazz

Yes, my BFF was stalked like that.... Phone, computer, car...it was beyond creepy! He is a cop and uses his resources...

Wahine

I'm pretty sure he hacked my computer. My phone has built in GPS tracking for safety. I'm taking it to the phone store to have it removed..the rental market here is super tight. I found a place that rents month to month but not in all my kids school area. I'd have to drive one to school. They would also not be close to friends. Ah just makes everything so stressful. I don't have any family locally. Most of the friends have gone to his side. Word on the street is I'm a crazy, pill popping, money grubbing, b--ch.

Amy55, I did get the silent txt for a while. Then he went after the kids. Now I have to do defense. Sat. He runs "errands" all day. He will come home in just a bit and the kids and I will all head to our rooms so he can sit and drink in front of the tv. It is just overly depressing today.

Thanks for all the wisdom. Going to bed. Will look for new options tomorrow.

amy55

Don't get the GPS taken off, get another phone. It will tip him off if you get it removed.

Yanno, I thought all my friends thought I was bonkers from the things that he said they said about me. Go figure, that his best friend and my best friend offered me their home, and they believed me !!!!! Is it what he is telling you? If it is, it's a way to isolate you.

My ex never went after my kids when we were fighting, it was when we weren't, so at times I had to "poke the bear", to get his attention back to me, instead of on them.

I'm guessing you don't have many people to talk to right now, because I know I didn't. I isolated myself, was really afraid that people didn't like me. I was told my friends only pretended to be my friends, but they were really afraid of me, because I was unstable.

Just know that we are here listening, we believe you, and we want to help.

You aren't alone.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))