Thoughts
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
Thoughts
Beautiful sunny day today, I'm a month sober in the morning, spent a lovely day with my parents.
A big thing that gets to me and I struggle with is people sitting out socializing on sunny days, sitting outside bars drinking and having a laugh. My mind latches onto it and plays about with it for a while, romanticising it. How good a nice, crisp glass of cold white wine would be sitting in the sun. Then I play the tape to the end. I'd maybe sit in the sun for one or two. Alone. Then it would be to the supermarket for two bottles. Drink them straight from the bottle until I pass out on the couch. Wake up there the next morning wanting the sun shining in to disappear as I drink whatever is left over. Wondering how I got bruises all over my legs, purse empty, flat a mess, feelings of guilt and dread. Who did I call? How do I cancel today's plans? Where is open that I can get more?
Recently I have been waking early and enjoying my days. I am feeling motivated and loving being sober. I just wanted to share this thought though, as it happens to me often, and coming into the summer I know I need to be very vigilant about it. The mind of the alcoholic is very cunning indeed.
A big thing that gets to me and I struggle with is people sitting out socializing on sunny days, sitting outside bars drinking and having a laugh. My mind latches onto it and plays about with it for a while, romanticising it. How good a nice, crisp glass of cold white wine would be sitting in the sun. Then I play the tape to the end. I'd maybe sit in the sun for one or two. Alone. Then it would be to the supermarket for two bottles. Drink them straight from the bottle until I pass out on the couch. Wake up there the next morning wanting the sun shining in to disappear as I drink whatever is left over. Wondering how I got bruises all over my legs, purse empty, flat a mess, feelings of guilt and dread. Who did I call? How do I cancel today's plans? Where is open that I can get more?
Recently I have been waking early and enjoying my days. I am feeling motivated and loving being sober. I just wanted to share this thought though, as it happens to me often, and coming into the summer I know I need to be very vigilant about it. The mind of the alcoholic is very cunning indeed.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Try18 
Beautiful sunny day today, I'm a month sober in the morning, spent a lovely day with my parents.
A big thing that gets to me and I struggle with is people sitting out socializing on sunny days, sitting outside bars drinking and having a laugh. My mind latches onto it and plays about with it for a while, romanticising it. How good a nice, crisp glass of cold white wine would be sitting in the sun. Then I play the tape to the end. I'd maybe sit in the sun for one or two. Alone. Then it would be to the supermarket for two bottles. Drink them straight from the bottle until I pass out on the couch. Wake up there the next morning wanting the sun shining in to disappear as I drink whatever is left over. Wondering how I got bruises all over my legs, purse empty, flat a mess, feelings of guilt and dread. Who did I call? How do I cancel today's plans? Where is open that I can get more?
Recently I have been waking early and enjoying my days. I am feeling motivated and loving being sober. I just wanted to share this thought though, as it happens to me often, and coming into the summer I know I need to be very vigilant about it. The mind of the alcoholic is very cunning indeed.
A big thing that gets to me and I struggle with is people sitting out socializing on sunny days, sitting outside bars drinking and having a laugh. My mind latches onto it and plays about with it for a while, romanticising it. How good a nice, crisp glass of cold white wine would be sitting in the sun. Then I play the tape to the end. I'd maybe sit in the sun for one or two. Alone. Then it would be to the supermarket for two bottles. Drink them straight from the bottle until I pass out on the couch. Wake up there the next morning wanting the sun shining in to disappear as I drink whatever is left over. Wondering how I got bruises all over my legs, purse empty, flat a mess, feelings of guilt and dread. Who did I call? How do I cancel today's plans? Where is open that I can get more?
Recently I have been waking early and enjoying my days. I am feeling motivated and loving being sober. I just wanted to share this thought though, as it happens to me often, and coming into the summer I know I need to be very vigilant about it. The mind of the alcoholic is very cunning indeed.
The alcoholic mind may well be cunning, but the mind is yours and the alcohol is just a lodger that lingers.
Be strong, you are doing fabulously well.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
Not even a lodger, more like a sponging squatter! It take take takes.
Waking up sober and fresh is priceless. Such a great feeling. Not once did I ever wake up after drinking and think "So glad I drank last night!" But the gratitude for sober mornings...got it in heaps.
Waking up sober and fresh is priceless. Such a great feeling. Not once did I ever wake up after drinking and think "So glad I drank last night!" But the gratitude for sober mornings...got it in heaps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Wonderful post Try18, thanks for writing it down. This is exactly what I need to be vigilant about too in the warm months ahead. Romanticising it is spot on - I just hope I'll be able to play the tape to the end as you put it. I'll remember your post the next time it happens. Huge congratulations on your first month.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 176
its great you have a month. I am still really early on in recovery. its rough. summer is hard for me. the addictive voice tells me, oh its hot and sunny out, you should have a nice cold beer in the backyard and relax. but the reality is I would have beer after beer until I felt completely sick but then still drink more. then have a bad night sleep, wake up feeling crummy, and puke up my coffee. nothing good about the reality of it. I am really trying to stay strong with this.
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
It's weird, because unlike can't even moderate. I never even wanted to moderate! Drink for me in my latter stages was never about enjoying myself. It was to get obliterated and that was that. I am only in my late twenties and I struggle to remember a time when I ever sat and had a nice wee glass of wine in the sun then went on my merry way. Delusional!
Snowbunting, freedragonfly - I have just been keeping it in the day this time. Sometimes at the start in the hour. I've gotten so much done the past couple weeks, I realise how much drink robbed me of my time and ability to function, not to mention the impact on family, responsibility, health, financially. It really is a drained. Any time it pops in my head I scream NOT AN OPTION!
Not out loud, of course. I don't want people to think I have tourettes.
Snowbunting, freedragonfly - I have just been keeping it in the day this time. Sometimes at the start in the hour. I've gotten so much done the past couple weeks, I realise how much drink robbed me of my time and ability to function, not to mention the impact on family, responsibility, health, financially. It really is a drained. Any time it pops in my head I scream NOT AN OPTION!
Not out loud, of course. I don't want people to think I have tourettes.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Originally Posted by Try18
It's weird, because unlike can't even moderate. I never even wanted to moderate! Drink for me in my latter stages was never about enjoying myself. It was to get obliterated and that was that. I am only in my late twenties and I struggle to remember a time when I ever sat and had a nice wee glass of wine in the sun then went on my merry way. Delusional!
Snowbunting, freedragonfly - I have just been keeping it in the day this time. Sometimes at the start in the hour. I've gotten so much done the past couple weeks, I realise how much drink robbed me of my time and ability to function, not to mention the impact on family, responsibility, health, financially. It really is a drained. Any time it pops in my head I scream NOT AN OPTION!
Not out loud, of course. I don't want people to think I have tourettes.
Snowbunting, freedragonfly - I have just been keeping it in the day this time. Sometimes at the start in the hour. I've gotten so much done the past couple weeks, I realise how much drink robbed me of my time and ability to function, not to mention the impact on family, responsibility, health, financially. It really is a drained. Any time it pops in my head I scream NOT AN OPTION!
Not out loud, of course. I don't want people to think I have tourettes.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Many congratulations on one month, Try. That's fabulous and I know how hard you've worked to achieve that 
I understand absolutely what you mean about summer days. Last year, we had a heatwave here and, having recently moved to the coast, I was surrounded by couples clinking glasses
I had to remind myself of all the reasons why I didn't want to drink any more - and what it would lead to if I did. I knew that it would change a romantic evening with my partner into a wine-fest just for me. Plus the aftermath etc etc
It was hard, but I've done far harder things in my life. And Christmas and New Year and pretty much every day since has been a cinch!
Stick with it, you're doing great
I understand absolutely what you mean about summer days. Last year, we had a heatwave here and, having recently moved to the coast, I was surrounded by couples clinking glasses
I had to remind myself of all the reasons why I didn't want to drink any more - and what it would lead to if I did. I knew that it would change a romantic evening with my partner into a wine-fest just for me. Plus the aftermath etc etcIt was hard, but I've done far harder things in my life. And Christmas and New Year and pretty much every day since has been a cinch!
Stick with it, you're doing great
One Day At A Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 561
Thanks so much Headlump 
Tucked up in bed now, I live near quite a busy bar and can hear all those so called civilised drinkers that were sat in the sun earlier now all drunk and rowdy. So glad to be safe and sober in my flat.
I heard we are due another heatwave this summer so better be getting prepared. You're a fantastic example!
Tucked up in bed now, I live near quite a busy bar and can hear all those so called civilised drinkers that were sat in the sun earlier now all drunk and rowdy. So glad to be safe and sober in my flat.
I heard we are due another heatwave this summer so better be getting prepared. You're a fantastic example!
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Originally Posted by Try18
Thanks so much Headlump
Tucked up in bed now, I live near quite a busy bar and can hear all those so called civilised drinkers that were sat in the sun earlier now all drunk and rowdy. So glad to be safe and sober in my flat.
I heard we are due another heatwave this summer so better be getting prepared. You're a fantastic example!
Tucked up in bed now, I live near quite a busy bar and can hear all those so called civilised drinkers that were sat in the sun earlier now all drunk and rowdy. So glad to be safe and sober in my flat.
I heard we are due another heatwave this summer so better be getting prepared. You're a fantastic example!
Bring it on!
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