carguysgirl

My boyfriend's daughter (18 and a heroin addict for 2 years) came home 2 weeks ago and drives cold turkey. She said it's not the drugs she's addicted to but the life style and that she was going back to dealing but not using to make a ton of money. About 2 days after getting clean a friend of hers from the city came and got her. She was gone for a week. Came back to her mothers yesterday and was found overdosed by her older brother and taken by ambulance to the er. My bf got the call and flew to the hospital. He told her to go straight to treatment but she refused and went back to her mother's within hours. This shook him out of his denial. He's going to try and get her to to counseling with him. I think it's a great idea. She's overdosed according to her 4 or 5times in 3 months or so. If that's not rock bottom we're scared of where that is.

suki44883

He can try, but if she's not willing, then there's not much anyone can do for her. I'm sorry this is happening, but I'm glad you're here. You'll find a lot of support from others who are dealing or have dealt with this type of thing.

She is the only one who can determine when she has hit rock bottom. For many, it never comes and, unfortunately, sometimes death is their rock bottom. I hope your BF is able to convince her to get help. (((HUGS)))

Ann

I've been through 3 overdoses with my son and know how soul shattering that is. That said, they are adults and we cannot control their addiction. That said, she is much younger than my son and I can't see the harm in trying to talk her into something to help herself...just don't set your expectations too high.

We can offer help but we can't force it. That's the saddest part.

Hugs

Txhelp

Each time..my children have gone through some crisis (you name it) I would think THIS has to be their bottom.

Nope. Still waiting. It is THEIR bottom. We can't force much of anything on the addict. It's the shear consequences that often force the bottom.

carguysgirl

On the plus side my bf and I at doing much better at communicating about thanks to the best advice I got from my first post. I'm working on my issues and he appreciates it!

carguysgirl

About the consequences hi wonder if tough love wouldn't work. She loved both her parents and siblings a ton. Fear of losing them may out weigh fear of possibility of death.

Chino

That isn't tough love, that's manipulation. Anything we do to affect an outcome other than our own is manipulation. Being (brutally) honest with someone isn't tough love, it's just being honest. It's frightening how perverted the concept of 'tough love' has become.

Being (brutally) honest with ourselves and changing our habits, thought patterns, actions -- that is tough love. It's something we practice on ourselves. If we're lucky and the stars and planets all align perfectly, our addicted loved ones might benefit from our self improvements.

chicory

She sure sounds like she is in trouble. Maybe an intervention, with all the family she loves so much showing their fears, who knows, may be worth trying.

carguysgirl

I'm going to have my bf read some of what I read in the library.

carguysgirl

I read some stuff in the library and understand more about letting go of an expectation of your addicted lived one without withdrawing emotional support and love. Difficult but I can see the necessity. I'm confused about the not rescuing-I can understand not helping with money-but how do you set your lived one off on their own initially-and what do you do if they repeatedly say they want to come home to get clean but then don't follow through.

An intervention might be just the thing. This girl is close to her family.
I'm not suggesting actions any more though-I'm listening loving learning and doing my best to support.

zoso77

The only rock bottom there is is the next one. And each one brings the addict closer to hell. Or death.

You're in a difficult spot. She's not your daughter, and you're not married to her father. The juggling act you will have to perform in the days and weeks to come is a delicate one. When the day comes that he does not follow the advice you give him, accept it and let it go. He's going to have to come to his own conclusions about how to best deal with his daughter.

Keep your head on straight. And keep us posted.

ZoSo

Txhelp

"I'm confused about the not rescuing-I can understand not helping with money-but how do you set your lived one off on their own initially-and what do you do if they repeatedly say they want to come home to get clean but then don't follow through."

I have a 19 year old daughter and 25 year old son....both have struggled.

No rescuing....well, for me, it has come down to what I will or won't allow in my life. It used to be, in the beginning of pulling back, I would say that I wouldn't give them money. But I would find myself running them around town; taking them to get necessities; dropping off to probation; allowing them to stay.

Then....I set (2) boundaries: If they stayed with me they couldn't use or bring it in my home. They had to clean up after themselves and help. Neither could handle that boundary. I had to follow through. I would kick them out promptly. Often, they would couch hope at friends etc. Weeks to months...later I would cave because they went to jail/hospital/rehab and were sober and needed a place to work.

Living with me never worked. Never. My kids haven't lived with me since Febuary....Son was gone sooner.

The main thing is to set the boundaries and be willing and able to follow through. They are very good manipulators and will cry/beg/make excuses to come back home.

If they are using...it isn't your responsibility to find a place for them to live. However, with that said...I have given them information (numbers to free rehab; shelters; etc).

It's the hardest thing to do is parent an addict.