freedragonfly

Ok so I wasn't very far along in recovery. I had two days. Then went out today and got a six pack of beer. drank two, dumped the rest. I feel bad. I didn't use my resources. I could have posted here that I was feeling weak. I could have called any of the ten phone numbers I have to call. I could have told my mom when I spoke to her that I was feeling tempted. My friend told me to use the phone list. I screwed up.

I do not want to give up though. I really need to be done with drinking. I have the beginnings of a movement disorder that is made worse by drinking. It was starting to improve today. So I really messed that up. I guess at least I didn't drink all of what I bought. But still it was bad. I feel miserable now.

any advice is appreciated. I am really struggling. My addiction really has power over me. I did go to a meeting today. I will go again tomorrow. Maybe I need to do more.

RubyQ

It sounds like you're trying to take the first step. There's nothing to feel bad about. It's hard for every one to get started. Throwing away the rest of the six pack and stopping at two is nothing to sneeze at.

This time you can push through it. Call those phone numbers. Have someone take you out to coffee instead of getting a six pack next time. Get on here. Keep trying something different.

Keep it up!

freedragonfly

I am at the very beginning of this. I do know I can't do it alone. Next time I will call the people on my list. One of them said I could call at other times to figure out how to go to a meeting together so perhaps I'll call her tomorrow.

tuesdayschild

You sound like me. I haven't "messed up" yet, but I'm a dyed-in-the-wool self-saboteur.

I feel ****** about myself, so I drink. Which makes me feel ****** about myself. I try to stop. Don't/can't. Feel shittier. Drink more. Endless cycle which for me is all about proving that I'm actually a weak and worthless p.o.s. Which means I'll fail. Which is what my AV/Ego wants anyway!

Personally, I'm sick of it. From what you write, I can tell you are, too. Hang in there.

We're all in this together.

freedragonfly

I am really sick of it. I am tired of being under the power of the addiction to alcohol. I do sabotage myself with drinking. I will also admit I have also sabotaged myself in other ways too. It needs to stop. I have made some changes in my life so far to work on stopping all the sabotage. The biggest issue for me right now though is the drinking.

DisplacedGRITS

How about you call someone right now instead of tomorrow? That way, you call someone while you've got that fire under your a$$ instead of waiting for tomorrow.

freedragonfly

I think that is a good idea. I will call after dinner. I do not want to call while the drink is still in me. I need to wait another hour I think. But you are right. I should do it today. Also the person is more likely to be around tonight. She works.

DisplacedGRITS

Good deal! Don't worry about not being at 100% when you call. We've all been there at some point. I've taken a call from an inebriated woman when I was manning the hotline. I was just so glad that she called instead of held it in. You're gonna be okay. Asking for help is one of the bravest things we can do.

Dee74

One of the greatest things I had to get over was my reluctance to ask for help...I was both
insecure (I don't want to be a bother or a nuisance) and too proud (I can't admit I failed again/already)

People log on here, and give your their numbers at meetings for a reason - they want to call.
Even if you're not 100% sober. We've all been there

Helping others helps me stay sober too. You're doing them a service too

D

freedragonfly

It is dinner time in about five minutes. I am pretty hungry. I think I will definitely make a call after. And next time I feel tempted to go out and buy booze, I will use the resources that I have.