spookyboo22

A few months ago he was acting sooo shady around his phone i snooped for the first time ever and found texts to an old girlfriend that made me sick.

There was one he sent on valentines night and a couple of others. Not flirty but really loving. One said how he couldnt wait to speak to her again cos even the sound of her voice made him excited.

I confronted him and dumped him. I ignored all contact by phone but bumped into him in the street 10 days later. He begged forgiveness and i took him back

Fast forward to tuesday this week and he was acting just as suspicious, but this time would not let me near his phone. Sleeping with one eye and ear open all night in case i tried to get to his phone again.

I told him how i felt tonight and how unhappy this makes me. He said he was with her for 6 years and shes just a friend.

I said... you dont talk to friends like that!

He said... well i do

I was so hurt i showed him the door saying ,who do you think you are..Brad Pitt?

He left.

I am so upset.... his alcohol abuse was enough for anyone to put up with, but this as well?? He wanted to walk out the door feeling guilt free and i didnt want him to leave thinking to himself hes a nice guy and it just didnt work out. He really hurt me and now i feel terrible x

fluffyflea

Be really grateful you got rid of him.

readerbaby71

I'm sorry you are hurting. Trust is such an important part of a relationship, and when someone isn't open to building it there's not much you can do. It's tough to do the right thing sometimes. Hugs and healing thoughts to you.

FeelingGreat

hi spooky, if he didn't have anything to hide he would have been comfortable with you looking at his phone. I think you can assume something's going on, and he had the bad faith to beg you to take him back and STILL continue the relationship. So your decision to look after yourself and show him the door is the right one, even though it's causing you a lot of pain right now. Stay strong, it will get better.

Worried0810

Hi Spooky,
I've just done the same thing.
You're a strong person and you've done the right thing. You gave him a second chance - he blew it. If he's anything like my XABF, then he will try to convince you to come back to him. Keep strong and say no. I keep saying it to my XABF but it's not stopped him from trying.
I'm not going to lie - you will feel horrendous for the next couple of days, possibly even guilty. You will feel every emotion and switch moods all the time. But as time passes and you don't have to deal with his craziness anymore - you'll feel so much better. I'm getting to that stage now, but I need to enforce a no contact rule.
It's OK to cry too. Whenever, wherever, if you need to have a cry, just cry. Holding it in will make you feel worse, so just get it out of your system.
Keep posting here too. Whenever I've felt myself giving in, I post on here. I was given a list of reasons why I left and I read it several times a day to remind myself what the whole nice act is just a show, a facade. Once we were comfortable, it would start all over again and I'm not doing it!
Be strong, you've done the hardest part!

spookyboo22

Thanks everyone for your replies, and yes, all of you are wise people. I feel really ashamed of myself when i look back on our time together.

I minimised, trivialised and explained away so much of his bad behaviour in my head, If i were " normal " for want of a better word, i would have never took him back the first time round.

I haven't heard from either...normally he would be blowing up my phone by now.

I will have to move away from the area we live because the only people i know round here are his friends and family. and i cant stand the looks i will get from folk... believe me.

Worried0810

Take your time then and look for somewhere better for you. This will sound really harsh but if he's blowing up your phone as he normally would - he's either expecting you to crawl back to him or he doesn't care that much.
Don't be ashamed - you did what all of us have done, you tried really hard to make your relationship work. Never be ashamed. I did the same - he left me at his friends house once after drinking alcohol and taking drugs because he wanted to go home. I was angry and walked home myself but the next day, he was angry at me! So I begged him to not be angry and everything would be OK. What?!
Take it as I am - this is a lesson and now we know what we are willing to accept and what we are not.

hopeful4

A leopard's spots do not change. Anyone who thinks they do is a fool. They may shift and move, but they don't ever full change.

Move on with your life. You deserve more.