Sobertaurus

Well, last night was a toughie (OUCH) but I made it through without alcohol and got on to day 5 today. Woohoo! It was so hard to keep perspective last night, but I felt so proud and happy this morning. I remembered the H.A.L.T. thing and I realized I was hungry, angry, lonely, AND tired. LOL. No wonder. I ate some dinner, did some laundry, watched a movie, etc. It passed. Didn't sleep well, which was a killer. Continuing with the exhausting vivid dreams.

I haven't had any big conversations with people. So far I just have turned down drinks, said I wasn't interested, will say I just can't lose any weight when I drink and feel better when I don't. Whatever. I don't want to go into detail with anyone and I don't think anyone will harass me about it.

However, I've noticed something about my hubs. It is almost that he is more comfortable when I am chronically incapacitated and weak. He's nice to me then, holds and kisses me, always says he'll take care of me and I can lean on him, etc. Since I'm not drinking, I'm being sweet and nice (not that I was a mean drunk before) and friendly, getting more done than I usually do. However, he seems more irritable, short-tempered, and critical. The other day he was really mean about me not getting some potting soil (which I didn't pick up since I got caught up in other, more important chores). Normally, he would come home and I would be drunk and have nothing done, and he'd be a sweetheart.

I don't understand it. It seems that the better I'm doing the nastier he is getting, and I don't get it at all.

Any insights?

Breadfin

Any chance that he has been boozing as well, and you never noticed it because you were drunk? Now that you are sober, he decided to do the same so he wouldn't get caught, and he is having withdraw symptoms?

...just throwing it out there.

Sobertaurus

Don't think that is the case, Breadfin. He's always been a casual drinker. He'll have one or two drinks in an evening, perhaps 4 days a week. Maybe more if we were hosting a party at our house, but he's never been one to get drunk, and certainly not to drink enough to be going through withdrawal. I believe something else is going on. . .

Thanks for the idea, though!

nmd

lol, good job identifying it. Hungry kills me, and it takes a little time sometimes to get the blood sugar back up to stop the cravings, but yeah sometimes its just the simple things and easy to fix.

As far as the husband goes... that's a tough one. Sometimes people can feel threatened by change, just pure and simple insecurity. They might interpret their spouse making a major change as them wanting to leave the relationship. Or it could be nothing at all, and he's just in a grumpy mood the past few days. Give it some time and maybe ask about specific situations as the come up if you think it's happening.

congrats on the 5 days!

Breadfin

Was he critical of your drinking? Doesn't sound like it. Maybe he felt more comfortable with you drinking?

Sobertaurus

I actually think that he is more comfortable with me drinking, or "taking care of me" when I was messed up or hung over. Since that isn't going on, I believe it has thrown him off kilter. Who knows. Hopefully it will pass quickly.

littlefish

I can relate completely. I had the same feeling, too. That my husband liked the drunk more than the sober wife. It sounds totally bizarre, but I think it can be a shock of sorts for a codependent to get used to a sober spouse.

I think part of the difficulty is that we become rather different people. It can be a little disconcerting to realize that the person you got accustomed to has disappeared and a new person you really don't know very well has taken their place.

Yet, I believe that despite the security and comfort they might find in being caregiver of the drunk wife, most husbands will gladly trade that in for the rewards of having a stable and sober wife. It just takes a period of adjustment.

Anna

I think in a relationship, we all fall into roles and he is clearly comfortable and maybe prefers to be the caretaker and to be in control. Since you were drinking, he knew what to expect and he knew that you needed him. Right now, he is probably very afraid because he sees that you are changing. He probably wonders if things will be the same, and to be honest, they won't. That's not necessarily good or bad...it just is.

fishsmacker

He will adjust after some time. I believe that while we are drinkers.we are probably alot more simple,and easier to deal with. Now that you are up & about more often than before,its a little more complicated in the house. And hes just not use to it yet,that'll pass.And btw this is deffinitely a good thing,,,keep it up !

DisplacedGRITS

He may be worried on some level that you're changing and you might change into someone who doesn't need him. When you're sick and drinking, it's obvious that you can't care for yourself. Now that you're getting well, you don't need all the mollycoddeling. Perhaps he feels that his purpose in the relationship was to care for you and now that you don't need that, he feels lost and frustrated.

I think that he'll come around given time. Still, involving a professional theird party might help. My husband and i sought counseling before we got married and picked it up again later. We were never really mad at each other but we were having difficulties we wanted help with. There's no shame in asking for help.

LadyBlue0527

I'm completely with Anna on this one.

It's confusing isn't it Sobertaurus? Hang in there and concentrate on you