freedragonfly

I am new here. I have been an alcoholic for a long time. I only recently have accepted that I have a serious problem and am truly an alcoholic. I also only recently have accepted the fact that I need help to quit. I have tried many times to quit on my own but it never works. I reached a low point so decided to try AA.

Yesterday is day 1 for me without drinking so I'm at the very beginning. My previous attempts at quitting only ever lasted for 5 days at the most. I am hoping that with help, I can quit it permanently.

My history is my drinking started in college with binge drinking on the weekends. I made lots of other alcohol loving friends and we would seek out parties with the main focus on getting drunk. Later, once I was working, I started drinking daily at least 6 drinks a day. I would befriend other drinkers at various workplaces and would drink heavily with them. Later I was no longer able to work and also lost some of my friends so began drinking alone at home mostly. I kept my drinking a secret from my extended family. Only some of my friends and husband knew the truth. My drinking got progressively worse and eventually I was drinking 6-10 drinks a day and often would start drinking at 8am.

I had to medically detox off it. I did that at home. I really reached a low point. After detoxing, I went 5 days again then bought more beer. Then I had just 2 a day but felt so sick after drinking just one. I am getting bloodwork soon to check things since I think my body may be damaged. Since I didn't drink that much, I did not medically detox again. I had always been against AA even though medical professionals would suggest it to me often. Somehow something changed and I am now open to getting help and AA seemed convenient for me.

I went to my first meeting yesterday and plan to go to at least one meeting a day until I have some time sober. My first day was positive there and I now have some people to call if I get tempted to buy alcohol. I found this forum and decided to join as it seemed to be a good place.

That is where I'm at and is my history in brief. I finally got honest with some family members about how bad my drinking was. They were shocked. I was good at hiding it. It feels like a relief to finally be honest though.

I also want to quit smoking but feel I need to get some time sober before attempting that. I tried to quit both at once but it didn't work out.

Sobertaurus

Hi freedragonfly.

I'm on day 5 myself, and it is a tough battle but one I believe is truly worth it. Sometimes we have to get into the mindset to accept new ways of thinking and new possibilities. I have found a whole new community of people who care and don't judge.

Welcome. Glad you're finding a sense of community and support at AA also.

freedragonfly

I do agree with you and feel that this is the best thing I can do for myself right now. I was really ruining my life and body with drinking. Its a little upsetting for me to think of all the time I wasted drinking and getting more and more addicted. It really was progressive and a downhill type of thing for me. I reached some really low points. At least now I have some hope. I do think having support will help me this time.

lunar

Day 9 here.
I can fully relate. I've lost count of all the times I stopped, then started again.
The time wasted can be depressing to think about, but it's the past.
No use in wasting more time thinking about it. Move forward. Don't look back.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, dragonfly; we are here for you.

I am glad that the meeting went well and that you plan to continue.

Keep posting; we'll keep replying.

FatallyUncool

Welcome to the forum. Congratulations on taking this first step. I know that the support on this site and at 12-step meetings were very helpful to me.

I certainly hold on to a lot of regrets, but there are ways to work through them. A little bit of hope is a great start.

Anna

Welcome Dragonfly,

We do understand how difficult this is.

freedragonfly

its great to read some more replies. thanks so much everyone. I was feeling really lonely when I got home from the meeting but reading all this helps. I kept thinking about drinking actually before looking at my computer. I think some of why I drank (at least the reason recently) is that I have too much free time and I would get lonely and bored. I'm trying to fix that now by doing more stuff during the day. For a long time things were pretty bad and I was hardly doing anything except drinking. Now I suddenly have all this free time to fill up. I can finally feel ok to drive places now when not drunk or buzzed.

SoberLeigh

One of the many great things about SR is that there is always someone here. You never have to be alone.

Verte

Yes. I second Sober Leigh's post. My computer is logged onto the site pretty much all afternoon until I go to sleep.

Welcome to the forum. This place is great.

freedragonfly

I am happy I decided to google recovery from alcohol forums. So far this place seems supportive. It also gives me some stuff to read and I can relate to so much.

Erratic

welcome xxx

thekl0wn

I agree totally... In the very beginning, I did a lot of late night reading on here. Great place filled with great people.

One day at a time adds up pretty fast.

HeadLump

Welcome, dragonfly Sounds like you've made some excellent decisions in the last couple of days

freedragonfly

The concept of one day at a time has been helpful to me. All the other times I tried to quit on my own, I would think about my entire life ahead of me without drinking. I think that made it too big and daunting. Focusing just on today is more do-able. I have to admit, today is day two and I am tempted. Not bad enough to call anyone yet. This time, my tendency to not want to leave the house is helping me not go out to buy beer.

LBrain

welcome freedragonfly - just keep working on one day at a time. they add up.

DisplacedGRITS

I wake up in the morning and pray for a sober 24 hours and I go to bed and say thank you for a sober 24 hours. I don't like to look to far down the road. It's too easy to romanticize my future drinking endeavours. Like some magic creature is going to wave a wand at me and I'll be able to drink like a lady by then. Truth is, everyday I wake up, I wake up much the same person I was when I went to bed. I figure I was a sober alcoholic yesterday and I'm still a sober alcoholic today. Nothing magical happened so I keep going on as I've been going on. Add a new sobriety habit, subtract a drinking habit and keep being a sober alcoholic.

One thing that helps me is to remind myself that I'm a pickle. A cucumber can become a pickle but a pickle can never go back to being a pickle. I'm thoroughly pickled! I'm happy with that though. I get the opportunity every day to live with purpose. I am reminded every day that I am alive by breaths and inches. Living a sober life and sharing that with my loved ones and my sober alcoholic friends is a gift I never thought I'd get to have.

Just remember to live every day as a sober alcoholic. So long as you don't delude yourself as to who you are, you can live in honesty and sobriety.

getmeoffthisbus

I went through the plane of the intersection today while the light was turning red. Let's not lie, I blew the yellow light. The first thing that came to my mind is that I would get a DUI along with a violation. Then I suddenly remembered I was not buzzed, drunk or anything else. Felt good.

Good luck on your journey. I'm at the end of day two myself. Eager to start day three.

freedragonfly

its really nice to wake up to more replies to this. I am feeling so welcome here and its just been a day or so.

Although I did make mistakes yesterday and did drink two drinks and threw away 4, I still really am motivated to stop drinking. I learned something yesterday. I need to use the supports that I have so far. such as a phone list I got of people to call, my mom, friends, this forum. I am going to take this one day at a time. Today I will not drink.