Lance40

I want to do a bit of an update. I committed to sobriety on Mar 1 of this year for Lent and got 70 days of sobriety. I relapsed. The cycle of the relapse is that I get about a week under my belt and then drink quite a bit in one evening. I wake up the next morning hung over and absolutely heart sick and penitent and start on Day 1.

My faith is very important to me, so committing to not drinking for Lent gave me 40 days where relapsing was unthinkable to me. By that time I had a solid base of sobriety, so the relapse was inexcusable and was more a conscious choice to try to moderate rather than giving into a moment of temptation.

There are times that SR gets on my last nerve and I swear I'll never come here again, but somehow I keep reading and it feels like I'm going through a slow acceptance process that permanent sobriety is the best answer for me.

So I need to pick up what was working for me before, and that was staying active on SR and posting whenever I hit a rough patch. It's Day 5 today, and I want to stop by the liquor store on my way home from work. Once I get past the liquor store and get home I'm usually fine. So I'm going to walk home a different way today so I don't go by the liquor store, and I'm going to spend part of my evening reading here.

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

Welcome back Lance

It's risky asking questions I don't know the answers too lol - but why does SR get on your last nerve?

D

least

I hope this time you can stick to it.

airwick

Lance40:

I am a very strong faith Catholic myself. I tried to stop drinking for Lent also. It just didn't work for me I would be able to stop for one or two day...that's it.

Then something hit me. Marh 17- A Drinkers favorite day of the year. Yes, St Patricks.
If you knew me you would know why I stopped at this date. I am as stubborn and determined as they come.

Let me prove to myself, nobody else , that I have the ability to become a non-drinker.
That stubborn Jack*** in me has kept me dry from the bottle ever since. 73 days and still counting.

Thanks to another SR (Mama) I write that amount of days I've been sober on my hand as a reminder. You will see, we all try to work together here

Lance40

Hi Dee - I grew up in the Mennonite religion. I don't think there are any in Australia, so you may not be familiar. My kind of Mennonite was very austere, ascetic and conservative. Men could only wear jeans and had to wear a beard. Women must wear long dresses and have head coverings at all times. Almost everything is sin and absolutely forbidden: radio, television, secular music, musical instruments, movies, sports, art work, bright and flashy colours because they signify pride, religious exemptions to not attend school past Grade 8 becaus education leads to high mindedness, dating, private Mennonite schools, no "outside" friends, no divorce and/or remarriage, etc. They are so strict we were indoctrinated that even all other Christians were going to hell because there was only one way. It can be a very tight knit and loving system if you fit the mold, but it can also be very dogmatic and legalistic system.

People who fail or who go a different way are formally excommunicated. Excommunication carries a social ban, so your family or no one you ever knew in your world is supposed to touch you or shake hands with you in greeting. You are sat at a separate table to eat to remind you of the separation of being in hell while they are in heaven. They will not employ you, so most excommunicated lose their jobs since they work inside the community. The only conversations that are supposed to happen are to talk to you about you being eternally lost and burning in hell so you will repent and be rejoined to them. All of this is presented as "tough love" or "the ultimate love" or "kindness and caring", etc. They actually have a church meeting about you and then they recommend you be severed and delivered to Satan and then everyone stands to support the decision. Official church doctrine actually says that excommunicated people should be "loathed and despised". Of course when I had to tell them I was gay I was immediately excommunicated and lost my entire world in an instant.

The part about SR that gets on my nerves and is very difficult for me at times is that there are a lot of parallels to how people approach and maintain sobriety along with some very absolute and fundamental thinking, especially among some of the AA crowd. There have been some threads of people looking for support where they are wounded by the type of responses they receive. They are then told that it's "tough love" or the "voice of wisdom" and it's uncanny because if you exchange the words "alcohol" with "belief" it sometimes becomes verbatim what I am told. That brings up some very dark things for me, and it is in those moments when I rage inside and want to leave and never come back.

Anyway - I made it home and the cravings left and I should be good for the evening. :-)

Lance40

Hi Airwick - I'm what I like to call "Catholic in the English Style" probably best known as Anglican. :-)

I grew up in a Protestant faith but even inside of Anglicanism I am drawn to the Anglo-Catholic wing of the Anglican church. I am lucky to live near an Anglo-Catholic parish that never got the memo about Vatican II, so they still do a Tridentine mass so high that sometimes the Catholics like to come see how it used to be done.

EndGameNYC

There are many significant differences between what you describe in the Mennonite religion and what most people have to offer here.

We're not trying to save your immortal soul, but what we've experienced and what we have to offer might save your life.

Lance40

I do rationally understand that. I wish the visceral, emotional response was in line with the rational understanding, but that's obviously personal issues for me to deal with.

Dee74

I'm not sure if we have Mennonites in Australia but we certainly have closed insular religious communities, and I'm familiar with the group and the mindset.

I can certainly understand why such an upbringing would stay with you well into adulthood.

There's an important difference tho - no one is forcing you to believe or do anything here, and you can ignore any post or poster any time you like, either by getting off line or using the ignore feature.

If you feel particularly harrassed, you can report the post.

I hope you'll stick around

D

Lance40

My plan is to stick around. In spite of my occasional spazzes about what goes on here I think it's all around full of some pretty awesome people. :-)

happyandfree

Good you're back lance. Maybe you could write about what irks you and try to let it go. Or find someone to talk to about it who will be nonjudgmental and would hear how you feel. In the meantime, take what you need from the site and leave the rest.

Notimetoloose

Lance, I have similar feelings as well or as the they say 'same, same but different'.

I was raise very strict Catholic at home and in a very strict private catholic school where dogma and indoctrination of that belief was fed to us for every aspect of our lives as the only way of life. Everything else was wrong and there really was no other room for any other beliefs.

Any questioning or queries were met with platitudes and cliched responses along with either a punishment or a sacrifice or both dished out to us for questioning the powers that be.

Ironically, these days I am an atheist and I and feel so very comfortable in my belief system.

I can also get upset with the one size fits all approach of some people, not just here but for many things in general life.
However, I have to accept that they really are trying to share what has worked for them and really just want to pass it on. I believe their intentions are good.

The value is in that they are free to express their beliefs and their way to sobriety, our freedom is that we can choose to ignore it or take it on board.

And if it all gets too heated hit the ignore/block button.

leviathan

No one has mentioned the secular connections (a forum here) yet. It moves slower, but has alot of logical talk. -better for some.

Hevyn

I'm glad you've reached Day 5 Lance - and I think you're wise to stick with us & keep posting.

airwick

Simple and Direct: I just love the Human Race; who am I to judge ones belief

EndGameNYC

I've learned that, many times, there is passion where someone else might see judgment or criticism. When you've put yourself through the kinds of hell that many of us here have, and throw in the carnage that was our careers, livelihood, important relationships, our health and well-being, and our personal integrity, people tend to develop strong feelings about their recovery. The feelings of helplessness that some of us may experience in response to someone who's either slowly killing himself or placing himself in unnecessary danger is often expressed as frustration. Welcome to the human race.

I've never been hurt nor harmed by anything that anyone here has ever written, and I've benefited a great deal from people's experience and support. And there's plenty of that to go around.

silentrun

Wow Lance I had the same kind of upbringing you did. Not Mennonite but close. Same mind control, big into shunning etc. My FIL was actually raised Mennonite so I know what it is. I know what you mean about being triggered by certain posters. That black and white thinking is not limited to any group of people be they alcoholics or strict religious people. I will send a pm to a recovery website for that kind of thing where you can get some advice working through that if you want. That has got to suck being gay in an environment like that but a lot of us knew we didn't belong.
SR is exactly the kind of place I needed working through that anger. It has taken awhile but that kind of thing doesn't irk me so much anymore. Nothing like some Nazi hitting you right where it hurts to show you exactly where the pain is coming from. You will come to find some of those posters instrumental in your recovery.

FeenixxRising

I believe you can extend the" unthinkable" aspect from 40 days to a lifetime. It worked for 40 days didn't it?. Have you looked into AVRT? What you did for those 40 days is very similar to AVRT, except that ever drinking again is unthinkable.

Lance40

Thanks everyone - It was good for me to read everything that was posted here. For some reason I've been resistant to doing anything more toward my sobriety than SR, but one thing that's come out of this is that I need additional support. I'm going to look into AVRT and keep my mind open to other things as well.