I think the end is very near
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
I think the end is very near
My brother called me last night - one day after his 60th b-day and tolkd me his doctor had called and wanted him to report to the hospital STAT.
Which of course he didn't do...........
The doctor told him he had tumorous growths on his lungs and it was serioud.
Two years ago his doctor told me he had emphysema (sp?) and that if he continued to smoke he would die sooner.
Well he's still smoking.
Here is the strange part and I credit Al Anon with this
I didn't panic, I didn't get emotional and I didn't fall apart.
I hade a quiet, calm conversation with my husband and went back to watching the movie we were starting.
I didn't lose sleep and I am not thinking "What can I do?"
This feels different on a lot of levels, fist my reaction and also my brothers
He seems so resigned
And then I got it
He doesn't want to live, he is miserable....
I am very, very sad.......I can't even describe the feeling. But I have no tears and only some guilt that there is a sense of relief as well...I feel like a bad person for that
Thanks for listening
Which of course he didn't do...........
The doctor told him he had tumorous growths on his lungs and it was serioud.
Two years ago his doctor told me he had emphysema (sp?) and that if he continued to smoke he would die sooner.
Well he's still smoking.
Here is the strange part and I credit Al Anon with this
I didn't panic, I didn't get emotional and I didn't fall apart.
I hade a quiet, calm conversation with my husband and went back to watching the movie we were starting.
I didn't lose sleep and I am not thinking "What can I do?"
This feels different on a lot of levels, fist my reaction and also my brothers
He seems so resigned
And then I got it
He doesn't want to live, he is miserable....
I am very, very sad.......I can't even describe the feeling. But I have no tears and only some guilt that there is a sense of relief as well...I feel like a bad person for that
Thanks for listening
My brother called me last night - one day after his 60th b-day and tolkd me his doctor had called and wanted him to report to the hospital STAT.
Which of course he didn't do...........
The doctor told him he had tumorous growths on his lungs and it was serioud.
Two years ago his doctor told me he had emphysema (sp?) and that if he continued to smoke he would die sooner.
Well he's still smoking.
Here is the strange part and I credit Al Anon with this
I didn't panic, I didn't get emotional and I didn't fall apart.
I hade a quiet, calm conversation with my husband and went back to watching the movie we were starting.
I didn't lose sleep and I am not thinking "What can I do?"
This feels different on a lot of levels, fist my reaction and also my brothers
He seems so resigned
And then I got it
He doesn't want to live, he is miserable....
I am very, very sad.......I can't even describe the feeling. But I have no tears and only some guilt that there is a sense of relief as well...I feel like a bad person for that
Thanks for listening
Which of course he didn't do...........
The doctor told him he had tumorous growths on his lungs and it was serioud.
Two years ago his doctor told me he had emphysema (sp?) and that if he continued to smoke he would die sooner.
Well he's still smoking.
Here is the strange part and I credit Al Anon with this
I didn't panic, I didn't get emotional and I didn't fall apart.
I hade a quiet, calm conversation with my husband and went back to watching the movie we were starting.
I didn't lose sleep and I am not thinking "What can I do?"
This feels different on a lot of levels, fist my reaction and also my brothers
He seems so resigned
And then I got it
He doesn't want to live, he is miserable....
I am very, very sad.......I can't even describe the feeling. But I have no tears and only some guilt that there is a sense of relief as well...I feel like a bad person for that
Thanks for listening
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Thanks everyone. I really suddenly understand that it's his RIGHT to drink and smoke himself to death.
His unhappiness runs SO deep
I feel like a wrung out dish rag right now.......
His unhappiness runs SO deep
I feel like a wrung out dish rag right now.......
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 145
Hi littlesister1,
Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a very tough position to be in and it sounds like you are handling it well. Learning to, put it bluntly, "not care" is quite difficult. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty and bad for "not caring", but then I realize that sometimes people need to be treated as adults and do what they want to do. They don't want to be treated like kids and us act as their parents, telling them what to do and how to live their lives.
Hang in there. Whatever resolution he is seeking is coming. It might not be the kind we hope for, but it's what he has led himself to.
Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a very tough position to be in and it sounds like you are handling it well. Learning to, put it bluntly, "not care" is quite difficult. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty and bad for "not caring", but then I realize that sometimes people need to be treated as adults and do what they want to do. They don't want to be treated like kids and us act as their parents, telling them what to do and how to live their lives.
Hang in there. Whatever resolution he is seeking is coming. It might not be the kind we hope for, but it's what he has led himself to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Hi littlesister1,
Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a very tough position to be in and it sounds like you are handling it well. Learning to, put it bluntly, "not care" is quite difficult. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty and bad for "not caring", but then I realize that sometimes people need to be treated as adults and do what they want to do. They don't want to be treated like kids and us act as their parents, telling them what to do and how to live their lives.
Hang in there. Whatever resolution he is seeking is coming. It might not be the kind we hope for, but it's what he has led himself to.
Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a very tough position to be in and it sounds like you are handling it well. Learning to, put it bluntly, "not care" is quite difficult. Sometimes I feel pretty guilty and bad for "not caring", but then I realize that sometimes people need to be treated as adults and do what they want to do. They don't want to be treated like kids and us act as their parents, telling them what to do and how to live their lives.
Hang in there. Whatever resolution he is seeking is coming. It might not be the kind we hope for, but it's what he has led himself to.
Thank you.............
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Your post makes me cry. I am in the same boat as you. I have a 50yo brother who is a chain smoker and alcoholic. He is in ill health, and recently told my Mom he is lonely. Because of AlAnon, I have learned to lovingly detach and allow him to make his own decisions. I don't criticize or lecture, I don't enable or interfere. But my heart breaks for him. He is my brother, and I want him to be healthy and happy. I don't see it happening, and I grieve over the "might have been". I make sure I tell him I love him, that's all I can do.
Big hugs to you. I hope your brother finds some peace.
Big hugs to you. I hope your brother finds some peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Your post makes me cry. I am in the same boat as you. I have a 50yo brother who is a chain smoker and alcoholic. He is in ill health, and recently told my Mom he is lonely. Because of AlAnon, I have learned to lovingly detach and allow him to make his own decisions. I don't criticize or lecture, I don't enable or interfere. But my heart breaks for him. He is my brother, and I want him to be healthy and happy. I don't see it happening, and I grieve over the "might have been". I make sure I tell him I love him, that's all I can do.
Big hugs to you. I hope your brother finds some peace.
Big hugs to you. I hope your brother finds some peace.
We get biopsy results today
Thank you all so much, you help more than you will ever know!
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