ontherightpath

Fell into the temptation again.
I'm afraid that my loved ones will cease loving me if I don't get my head outta my butt.
Back to day 1. Alcohol removed from the house.
Fall down 7 times, get up 8.
The anger I felt all weekend long is now replaced with guilt and shame. An uncomfortable silence in my head. Anxiety.
It doesn't have to be this way ever again.

carlingford

Me too ontherightpath, I feel a right idiot for letting myself down, I know how you feel!!!,, yes back to square 1, I had 34 days under my belt (the longest ever I did) and was feeling allot better as was suffering terrible from PAWS. I will put it down to experience and learn from my mistake, get well soon and good luck

Croissant

Hi ontheright path.

You mentioned in a few recent posts that pool going up and your friends invitation was making you feel like a beer. I'm wondering if those thoughts of missing out played on your mind and led to the slip?

Springtime certainly led to my slip last year. I vividly remember the day the first seed was planted, seeing people out drinking in the sunshine. And it grew. And grew....and I fed it with some wistful pining for days gone by....and what do you know, a drink. Week later, we won't even talk about.

BUT....how are you going to avoid it in the future? One thing I've learned is, I have to face up, and muscle up to this beast...not just let it talk garbage to me and just open the door to it, with a welcome mat, no less, and say, "hey...I know you treated me like garbage, but let's hook up again".

It's an echo, a primal voice...but only you, can protect yourself from it. Next time, please persevere.... tell yourself you are worth more than any feeling that bottle could give you.

Anna

Learn from what happened, so it doesn't have to be repeated.

Good for you for coming back and trying again.

doggonecarl

You are absolutely right, it never has to be this way again. Can you fully and truly accept that? And do what it takes to ensure it doesn't happen?

KateL

Just get back up xxx

serious

it doesn't have to be.
but it always will be as long as we drink.

keep going, nothing is lost... guilt, shame and anxiety are all part of the deal. those feelings are not permanent. they will pass soon enough and if you stay sober you will never have to feel guilty about drinking or being shameful of it

FreeOwl

so whutchya, whutchya, whutchyagondoooodifferent this time?

ontherightpath

Thanks for all the replies. As far as what I am going to different? For starters I am going to burn my 4/5 step notebook. Then, when I recognize the triggers I am going to get into action. Pick up the phone, log on to sr, go for a walk, scream shout or cry! Anything but pick up some booze from the store and act like I have this under control.

This too shall pass.

bloss

keep trying, don't give up. It took me a long time to put down the drink for good. I had many starts and stops, very frustrating and I was really feeling like I was doomed. Be prepared for the next urge to drink and don't be fooled by that little "voice" in your head. Like you said, do whatever it takes to put off the first drink, it's the first one that gets us going. Don't take the first sip, no matter what. Take care and wishing you well.
bloss