I've finally managed to let go
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 17
I've finally managed to let go
I already posted on here last week and I want to say thank you for all the insightful posts that I've been reading on here. I didn't know the full extent of my ex-partner's drug use. I did not know that he has been shooting up heroin for at least the last year.
Like others, when I originally discovered that he had an addiction, I thought I could help him. I tried everything I could to support him. I now know the best thing I can do is to stay away from him.
I am angry that he kept from me that he has been using with IV because it has potentially put me at risk and I will be getting myself checked out today. But he's told so many lies and I know that's part of the disease.
He's been telling me and his family and all those around him that he is taking a small amount of methadone a day. I didn't believe him and walked away, knowing he was still using. Then yesterday I just happened to see him walking around with his dealer. When he saw me he ran away! But I felt nothing - I am not going to check up on him any more. He must do as he will, and I feel a lot less stressed knowing that I have given up the task of trying to see if he is still using or not.
I'm having to face up to some uncomfortable truths about myself and the fact I'm obviously co-dependent and I am going to read Codependent No More and see what work I can do on myself.
It's so easy to get caught up in this trap - you want to believe they are telling the truth so much that your eyes are not open to all the obvious things that say something different.
Like others, when I originally discovered that he had an addiction, I thought I could help him. I tried everything I could to support him. I now know the best thing I can do is to stay away from him.
I am angry that he kept from me that he has been using with IV because it has potentially put me at risk and I will be getting myself checked out today. But he's told so many lies and I know that's part of the disease.
He's been telling me and his family and all those around him that he is taking a small amount of methadone a day. I didn't believe him and walked away, knowing he was still using. Then yesterday I just happened to see him walking around with his dealer. When he saw me he ran away! But I felt nothing - I am not going to check up on him any more. He must do as he will, and I feel a lot less stressed knowing that I have given up the task of trying to see if he is still using or not.
I'm having to face up to some uncomfortable truths about myself and the fact I'm obviously co-dependent and I am going to read Codependent No More and see what work I can do on myself.
It's so easy to get caught up in this trap - you want to believe they are telling the truth so much that your eyes are not open to all the obvious things that say something different.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Codependent No More (by Melodie Beattie) is probably the best book I have ever read on codependency.
I'm glad you could let go, the alternative is to live in that dark world with him and it would not change him, but instead drag you down too.
Seeing him with his dealer was a dose of reality, sometimes it takes that for us to reach clarity. I remember calling my son one time and somehow his phone came on, I think he meant to hit off and instead it answered and I could hear him making a deal with his dealer. I literally threw up, I was so sickened hearing it. It was awful but it was also a moment of clarity where I completely understood how dark, dangerous and terrible the world of addiction was.
I hope you find your peace and can move on from this. And I will add my prayers for him to, to the prayers I say each day for active addicts everywhere.
Hugs
I'm glad you could let go, the alternative is to live in that dark world with him and it would not change him, but instead drag you down too.
Seeing him with his dealer was a dose of reality, sometimes it takes that for us to reach clarity. I remember calling my son one time and somehow his phone came on, I think he meant to hit off and instead it answered and I could hear him making a deal with his dealer. I literally threw up, I was so sickened hearing it. It was awful but it was also a moment of clarity where I completely understood how dark, dangerous and terrible the world of addiction was.
I hope you find your peace and can move on from this. And I will add my prayers for him to, to the prayers I say each day for active addicts everywhere.
Hugs
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