searching peace

Do any of you ever shared information with the A in your lives? Such as I was reading some of the blogs on DV and alcoholism. They were so perfectly worded as exactly what I was feeling and experiencing. I wondered if it might get through to my AH to understand how I am feeling. Or is it the general consensus that the A doesn't care, won't "get it" and it won't make a difference???

Charmed3

I tried a few different times. It didn't make a difference.

Stung

I only share things with my alcoholic husband from a first person perspective. I tried to make him read things stating how someone else felt or thought because I could relate to it, but I have found that it's MUCH more helpful and meaningful for me to learn how to express myself and then share it from an I statement standpoint. Forwarding links to my husband is very rarely an effective way to share how I feel.

theuncertainty

I didn't try to share anything I read about alcoholism with AXH. The main reason being I'd had to buy several copies of 'Under the Influence' because he tossed them if he found them. And any 'discussions' we had about his drinking rarely ended on a pleasant note. I can't think of any time he would've been receptive to any info I brought up.

Sharing about DV.... There is no way in hades you could convince me to share any info about DV with AXH. I stopped keeping a journal while I was with him because he would routinely find it, read it, and throw any insecurities, dreams, etc. at me in a way to cut me down. I can only imagine how manipulative he would've been with actual insight into DV.

I also firmly believe that if I has been reading about DV while still living under the same roof as AXH, and he found out, I would have been in a lot more danger than I already was.

PippiLngstockng

Searching peace,
Your post about dv really traggered me, because I identify with your situation so much.

There is no getting through to an anuser.

Almost worse, it is hard to get through to us!!!!!

I had hope for years and years that kept me in an increasingly unhealthy and dangerous relationship. Even after AH threatened to kill me I still believed the right books, therapist, words, rehab would wake him up.

Trouble is: he is awake! Awake enough to be actively choosing to harm me every chance he gets!!! It doesn't get better once the relationship formally ends. It gets worse!!!

You keep getting healthier though and so later you are more protected from them.

And one of the ways to get healthy is to realize that save divine intervention - there is no hope for the abusive A!!!

But there is hope for you. The quicker you get distance from him and turn the focus on you, the sooner you will heal. ((((Hugs))))

missboots

Yes I've shared. Wasted my time too. The morning of this past Easter my AH and I were watching a religious show and the pastor was discussing domestic violence. Obviously not in favor of it. My AH drunkenly proclaimed that the pastor obviously wasn't a "real man." I'm still getting over that one.

If we could share information about substance abuse with our addicts and it would make them see the big ole sober light then we wouldn't be here.

redatlanta

I think sharing something like that with an active A and abuser just opening the door for a days long argument about "how they aren't like that".

Alcoholism is a disease of denial, I think Abuse is too.