Almost fell, didnt, but still want to fall
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 43
Almost fell, didnt, but still want to fall
I apologize but I just need to rant and get this off my chest.
Long story short after a long day of landscaping, I was feeling good.
I was tired but content...
As the day ended, this is what happened is less than one hour:
1. Lost my wallet at the end of my train ride. Remember taking out to give the ticket to the conductor...POOF!, the wallet is gone. No clue what happened. I must have left it on the train. But there was a guy sitting across from me. Would he have said something? Oh well.
2. Thinking about my lost wallet and its contents, I proceed to head to the bank to deposit money In my account. As I fumble for my lost wallet (duh!) POOF!! no money in my hand...
3. Swore that I must have put in my backpack. I stop walking and proceed to empty the contents of the bag in the middle of the sidewalk in a frenzy. (Totally forgot that my work pants were covered with poison ivy oil).
4. As start to realize what I did, I started sweating profusely, I wiped my brow with my arms and hand. Can it get any worse How Stupid can I be??? Ok let me finish with a bang.
5. So distraught, lost wallet money, freaking poison ivy hands, arms and face...Rushing to get home, I entered the wrong building and tried to open someone elses door!!! WTF? WTF? The woman threatened to call the cops and I came to.
I bee-lined to the liquor store and pondered. I was and still am pissed as hell.
After a long long long ponder, just went to 7 11 and picked up an extra pack of cigs.
I wont drink, just clog up my lungs. Real nice.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel like I am losing it or lost it already mentally. I just want to run away from me.
I just cant let it go...Self torture. I guess. IDK.
Long story short after a long day of landscaping, I was feeling good.
I was tired but content...
As the day ended, this is what happened is less than one hour:
1. Lost my wallet at the end of my train ride. Remember taking out to give the ticket to the conductor...POOF!, the wallet is gone. No clue what happened. I must have left it on the train. But there was a guy sitting across from me. Would he have said something? Oh well.
2. Thinking about my lost wallet and its contents, I proceed to head to the bank to deposit money In my account. As I fumble for my lost wallet (duh!) POOF!! no money in my hand...
3. Swore that I must have put in my backpack. I stop walking and proceed to empty the contents of the bag in the middle of the sidewalk in a frenzy. (Totally forgot that my work pants were covered with poison ivy oil).
4. As start to realize what I did, I started sweating profusely, I wiped my brow with my arms and hand. Can it get any worse How Stupid can I be??? Ok let me finish with a bang.
5. So distraught, lost wallet money, freaking poison ivy hands, arms and face...Rushing to get home, I entered the wrong building and tried to open someone elses door!!! WTF? WTF? The woman threatened to call the cops and I came to.
I bee-lined to the liquor store and pondered. I was and still am pissed as hell.
After a long long long ponder, just went to 7 11 and picked up an extra pack of cigs.
I wont drink, just clog up my lungs. Real nice.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel like I am losing it or lost it already mentally. I just want to run away from me.
I just cant let it go...Self torture. I guess. IDK.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
No need to apologize! I am so glad that you came here to vent instead of drinking. You are making a great start. Don't beat yourself up about the smoking, there will be plenty of time to take care of that once you have more sobriety under your belt. You had some crap thrown at you and you didn't give in, that just proves how strong you are. You can do this! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Even amidst a bad day, you turned it into a winning outcome by making the choice to come here rather than picking up.
Playing the tape forward, tomorrow you'll still have a lost wallet and poison ivy, but with one key difference - you'll wake up with the satisfaction of accomplishment that you didn't drink rather than the shame of picking up. And that feeling will be ever the more worthwhile precisely because you managed through a tough situation and staying sober means that much more.
Playing the tape forward, tomorrow you'll still have a lost wallet and poison ivy, but with one key difference - you'll wake up with the satisfaction of accomplishment that you didn't drink rather than the shame of picking up. And that feeling will be ever the more worthwhile precisely because you managed through a tough situation and staying sober means that much more.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I hate days like that! But I've found that drinking didn't make them any better and I hope that you find that to be the case. Good luck on getting your wallet back and good job in only buying cigarettes ( she says as she smokes). First things first!
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