Observing him dying and accepting that possible outcome
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
Observing him dying and accepting that possible outcome
Hello sr friends..
My abf is in detox again. He picked up a week ago and went downhill rapidly, the fastest trip down I've ever seen. He distanced himself from me a few days beforehand so I knew he was probably bingeing, I did not have a front row seat this time. I feel like I'm observing this all from a distance, and it doesn't hurt as much.
His brother called 911 when abf went into full blown "no alcohol is available" panic mode.
This is the third detox in six months, previous to this he had almost four years sober.
I'm doing well, surprisingly. I'm happy he's safe. I have gotten to the point in my recovery where I accept that he is sick. He's not just sick, he's near death. Every day I acknowledge that I am powerless over alcohol, as I am powerless over my abf. My abf has not acknowledged that yet, maybe someday he will.
If he dies this time I will be ok. I know that sounds harsh, but the realities are that some alcoholics just do not survive this disease. My abf knows I love him, I know he loves me and god willing we will both be ok.
I'm done fighting this monster. It will take the person I love from me or it won't. Please pray for me to stay calm, take what life has to dish out and learn and grow stronger.
My alanon sponsor is a safe place of refuge for me. And better yet, she gets it. She knows what it is like to love someone who is dying and is willing to die to get their drug of choice.
I know this is sad and maybe over the top, but my abf has been very important to me and in this life of mine. After five years of knowing him I feel blessed to have him in my life, despite the pain of the last three months. I still feel this way today. Tomorrow I will ask myself the same question, and see what my answer is.
Thank you all for listening. At least here no one will think I'm crazy.
L
My abf is in detox again. He picked up a week ago and went downhill rapidly, the fastest trip down I've ever seen. He distanced himself from me a few days beforehand so I knew he was probably bingeing, I did not have a front row seat this time. I feel like I'm observing this all from a distance, and it doesn't hurt as much.
His brother called 911 when abf went into full blown "no alcohol is available" panic mode.
This is the third detox in six months, previous to this he had almost four years sober.
I'm doing well, surprisingly. I'm happy he's safe. I have gotten to the point in my recovery where I accept that he is sick. He's not just sick, he's near death. Every day I acknowledge that I am powerless over alcohol, as I am powerless over my abf. My abf has not acknowledged that yet, maybe someday he will.
If he dies this time I will be ok. I know that sounds harsh, but the realities are that some alcoholics just do not survive this disease. My abf knows I love him, I know he loves me and god willing we will both be ok.
I'm done fighting this monster. It will take the person I love from me or it won't. Please pray for me to stay calm, take what life has to dish out and learn and grow stronger.
My alanon sponsor is a safe place of refuge for me. And better yet, she gets it. She knows what it is like to love someone who is dying and is willing to die to get their drug of choice.
I know this is sad and maybe over the top, but my abf has been very important to me and in this life of mine. After five years of knowing him I feel blessed to have him in my life, despite the pain of the last three months. I still feel this way today. Tomorrow I will ask myself the same question, and see what my answer is.
Thank you all for listening. At least here no one will think I'm crazy.
L
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
I can tell from your post you love him very much.
I'm so sad he let go of 4 years sober. I hope at least in that time you have made some nice memories with him - as hard as it may be.
May you have support close to you during this difficult time.
Big hugs.xx
I'm so sad he let go of 4 years sober. I hope at least in that time you have made some nice memories with him - as hard as it may be.
May you have support close to you during this difficult time.
Big hugs.xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
The love I feel for my AXH is still there. But, I let go in order to hang on. This is something that has taken me years to see. I had to let go in order for him to live or die. I am not sure which one 
but the choice is his. I've taken all I can. I hope the situation with you goes in a positive direction and you hope the same for me. All too much to write, explain, tell about changes/happenings. Sometimes I just want to place myself into one of those imaginary plastic bubbles. I had to separate myself from my XAH for my sanity and my sons. I am gullible and seeing my x drink just made matters worse for me. So I guess I am a bit selfish. I see where you arecoming from when you mention his detox ext. My x went through detox at the hospital and he didn't know me at first. The day he got back, he was behind the garage holding a bottle of whisky. I wish sometimes that I could just erase all the bad memories, I was married to him for about 13years. He's been ding well, but he already told me with his first paycheck (got back to work) that he will buy a six pack to relax. I've done all I can. I hope your situation turns for the better. I'll send some strength your way!
but the choice is his. I've taken all I can. I hope the situation with you goes in a positive direction and you hope the same for me. All too much to write, explain, tell about changes/happenings. Sometimes I just want to place myself into one of those imaginary plastic bubbles. I had to separate myself from my XAH for my sanity and my sons. I am gullible and seeing my x drink just made matters worse for me. So I guess I am a bit selfish. I see where you arecoming from when you mention his detox ext. My x went through detox at the hospital and he didn't know me at first. The day he got back, he was behind the garage holding a bottle of whisky. I wish sometimes that I could just erase all the bad memories, I was married to him for about 13years. He's been ding well, but he already told me with his first paycheck (got back to work) that he will buy a six pack to relax. I've done all I can. I hope your situation turns for the better. I'll send some strength your way!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
It is so sad that we can not stop people we love from committing suicide. It sounds like your head is in a good space I will say a prayer for him and you. Maybe he will get better maybe he won't. It is in God's hands
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
That isn't over the top. Sadly, it's reality. We're here with you. I don't mean that in a virtual sense, but in a very real way. It's great that you have a wonderful sponsor. Do you have other support as well? I'm finding that reaching out for support in many directions that understand has been greatly helpful to me.
Sending many prayers for you, your boyfriend and his family.
Sending many prayers for you, your boyfriend and his family.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
I am so sorry. It's so sad that this disease makes them choose sickness and possible death over loved ones and all that life has to offer.
I know you're hurting, but you sound very strong and genuinely accepting of his condition, and that's such a good place to be.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you peace and love.
I know you're hurting, but you sound very strong and genuinely accepting of his condition, and that's such a good place to be.
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you peace and love.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
I've waited a while before updating here. My abf went to rehab for two weeks over seven weeks ago. Still sober today.
He's since found a job, started yesterday. A great job with benefits, pension, etc. it's exactly what he wanted, and has the education and resume for.
I honestly didn't think this kind of recovery was possible.
One day at a time right now folks. And pardon my disbelief, sometimes life throws me "good" curveballs and I know less how to handle the good stuff!!! Give me the bad stuff and I can deal... What irony there, right?
I can tell you something interesting tho.. I thought I had lost all hope for anyone to be able to recover from alcoholism. I was wrong about that. I. Was. Wrong.
Communication between us is a little stilted, sometimes I think he is an entirely different person sober. It's taking some getting used to. But at the core he's my friend that I love dearly and I'm grateful for today.
He's still alive, so am I. So another chance to get it right, and to be thankful for every moment we've got left. Together or apart I suppose.
God bless - I hope someone needed to hear this today because for some reason I felt compelled to post. My prayers for all dealing with this crap disease, especially to those who have lost a loved one to it.
L
He's since found a job, started yesterday. A great job with benefits, pension, etc. it's exactly what he wanted, and has the education and resume for.
I honestly didn't think this kind of recovery was possible.
One day at a time right now folks. And pardon my disbelief, sometimes life throws me "good" curveballs and I know less how to handle the good stuff!!! Give me the bad stuff and I can deal... What irony there, right?
I can tell you something interesting tho.. I thought I had lost all hope for anyone to be able to recover from alcoholism. I was wrong about that. I. Was. Wrong.
Communication between us is a little stilted, sometimes I think he is an entirely different person sober. It's taking some getting used to. But at the core he's my friend that I love dearly and I'm grateful for today.
He's still alive, so am I. So another chance to get it right, and to be thankful for every moment we've got left. Together or apart I suppose.
God bless - I hope someone needed to hear this today because for some reason I felt compelled to post. My prayers for all dealing with this crap disease, especially to those who have lost a loved one to it.
L
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