First Step
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: South East England
Posts: 29
First Step
Hi everybody. I have reached the point where my drinking is taking over my life and I seriously want to stop or at the very least cut right down. I used to drink every evening but since the beginning of the year (following a marriage break up) I have started drinking during the day too. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder a few years back and this is now at its worst. I have become agoraphobic and only leave the house when I have to. Every morning I wake up feeling crap and say to myself "I'm not going to drink today" but after a few hours I give in as it makes me feel better physically. How do you find the strength and willpower to stop?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Welcome to SR 
Support helps Flakey - even if you don't feel strong enough yourself... with the strength of the community, you'll be surprised what you can do.
I'm sorry about the GAD and the agrophobia, but I got sober with SR - didn't need to leave the house.
How do you get the booze in though?
D
Support helps Flakey - even if you don't feel strong enough yourself... with the strength of the community, you'll be surprised what you can do.
I'm sorry about the GAD and the agrophobia, but I got sober with SR - didn't need to leave the house.
How do you get the booze in though?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Fair enough.
Why not check out our Class of May support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-19.html
D
Why not check out our Class of May support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-19.html
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Welcome Flakey, taking the option of drinking completely off the table and making peace with the fact that i can't drink safely helped me to stop. Support is vital for me, i couldn't have stopped drinking on my own. You'll find tons of support and understanding here. Best wishes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: South East England
Posts: 29
Thank you - I know I will need the support! I have a vision of how I want my life (and myself) to be and that can only be achieved my knocking the daily drinking sessions on the head
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 202
I agree with Dee...support helps so much. SR is so great if you're not able/willing to leave the house for in person meetings.
The alcohol is almost certainly aggravating your anxiety. It may (probably will) get worse when you first quit, but getting sober is a critical part of really treating the anxiety in a way that will work long term.
Take it one hour at a time or one minute at a time as needed. The first week is the very hardest. Make a list of every distraction you can think of that you're willing to do and every comforting thing you enjoy and get ready to indulge in all of them when you're feeling weak. Sweets can be especially helpful in those first few days because they mimick some of the brain response you get from the alcohol.
Best wishes, we are here for you!
The alcohol is almost certainly aggravating your anxiety. It may (probably will) get worse when you first quit, but getting sober is a critical part of really treating the anxiety in a way that will work long term.
Take it one hour at a time or one minute at a time as needed. The first week is the very hardest. Make a list of every distraction you can think of that you're willing to do and every comforting thing you enjoy and get ready to indulge in all of them when you're feeling weak. Sweets can be especially helpful in those first few days because they mimick some of the brain response you get from the alcohol.
Best wishes, we are here for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
I also have a double whammy of a diagnosed mental illness as well as alcoholism/addiction. I found this book very helpful (it has excellent info even if you are not a 12 stepper)
Sane: Mental Illness, Addiction, and the 12 steps.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/159285...&robot_redir=1
And another book written by a woman who stayed in her apartment for 30 years, never went outside once! She doesn't address addiction, but it was a good memoir.
I'd Rather Laugh: How to be Happy Even When Life Has Other Plans for You
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/044...w_bottom_links
Sane: Mental Illness, Addiction, and the 12 steps.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/159285...&robot_redir=1
And another book written by a woman who stayed in her apartment for 30 years, never went outside once! She doesn't address addiction, but it was a good memoir.
I'd Rather Laugh: How to be Happy Even When Life Has Other Plans for You
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/044...w_bottom_links
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: South East England
Posts: 29
Well I didn't stop but have had half the amount I usually have for the past couple of days and going to try and cut that down further today. I have felt more hungry and tired and have slept better. It felt good being able to go to bed and read for a bit before turning out the light instead of basically passing out!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hello flakey and welcome to SR.
So..is your plan to quit drinking completely or just cut down? Speaking purely from my experience, I managed to cut down in short bursts from time to time (usually as a result of something bad happening), but it always crept back up again. Plus, I didn't enjoy moderation. I only really wanted to get drunk and having one or 2 drove me a little nuts....
So..is your plan to quit drinking completely or just cut down? Speaking purely from my experience, I managed to cut down in short bursts from time to time (usually as a result of something bad happening), but it always crept back up again. Plus, I didn't enjoy moderation. I only really wanted to get drunk and having one or 2 drove me a little nuts....
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Hey, Flakey and welcome. I found strength from other sober alcoholics. It did not come from me. I get my strength and my hope from my peers. My higher power speaks to me through them and i get the opportunity to learn and give of myself through my experiences.
As for willpower, i had that in spades as an alcoholic. You can't drink the way i drank without willpower. I have found that by accepting the relationship i have with alcohol for what it is, not what i want it to be, i can direct my willpower to other areas of my life. Instead of forcing my life to my will, i let my life flow and i swim with it, not against it.
As an active alcoholic and even in sobriety, i tried to hammer a square peg into a round hole. I tried to make myself a moderate drinker. When i was able to achieve abstinence for a while, i thought it meant that i had achieved a measure of control over my drinking. Surely, my willpower could bend my drinking to fit into a "normal" life. I thought that if i hammered hard enough, that square peg would fit, frogdammit. Well, it didn't. I cannot will my relationship with alcohol to change. I can either drink and embrace that relationship with booze or not drink and embrace the relationship of non-engagement with alcohol.
I can either control my drinking or enjoy it. Never both. So i have found that my life is simpler and sweeter by not drinking. It means i have to be uncomfortable at times and get to experience other negative emotions but they pass. Alcohol no longer controls my life. It is no longer the source of fears frustration, anger or embarrassment. It is no longer the answer to the questions of my life. It's just not an option for me anymore.
I suggest that you develop a relationship with other sober alcoholics. Not just here but in your physical vicinity as well. I know i have to have someone or several someones i can call when that wild voice inside me speaks up and tells me i can have one. Maybe two. I bet i could have three and be okay.....i've stopped in the parking lot of the grocery store and called another sober alcoholic because a sign on the road triggered me on my way to the market. I can't do this alone. I can do this with my friends.
If you don't feel comfortable making a connection with people close to you, come here before you drink. Post here and wait for a response. Read while you reload. Always come here first for help instead of last for forgiveness. Should you lapse, forgiveness will always be here but it's a lot easier to live with asking for help all the time instead of asking for forgiveness all the time.
As for willpower, i had that in spades as an alcoholic. You can't drink the way i drank without willpower. I have found that by accepting the relationship i have with alcohol for what it is, not what i want it to be, i can direct my willpower to other areas of my life. Instead of forcing my life to my will, i let my life flow and i swim with it, not against it.
As an active alcoholic and even in sobriety, i tried to hammer a square peg into a round hole. I tried to make myself a moderate drinker. When i was able to achieve abstinence for a while, i thought it meant that i had achieved a measure of control over my drinking. Surely, my willpower could bend my drinking to fit into a "normal" life. I thought that if i hammered hard enough, that square peg would fit, frogdammit. Well, it didn't. I cannot will my relationship with alcohol to change. I can either drink and embrace that relationship with booze or not drink and embrace the relationship of non-engagement with alcohol.
I can either control my drinking or enjoy it. Never both. So i have found that my life is simpler and sweeter by not drinking. It means i have to be uncomfortable at times and get to experience other negative emotions but they pass. Alcohol no longer controls my life. It is no longer the source of fears frustration, anger or embarrassment. It is no longer the answer to the questions of my life. It's just not an option for me anymore.
I suggest that you develop a relationship with other sober alcoholics. Not just here but in your physical vicinity as well. I know i have to have someone or several someones i can call when that wild voice inside me speaks up and tells me i can have one. Maybe two. I bet i could have three and be okay.....i've stopped in the parking lot of the grocery store and called another sober alcoholic because a sign on the road triggered me on my way to the market. I can't do this alone. I can do this with my friends.
If you don't feel comfortable making a connection with people close to you, come here before you drink. Post here and wait for a response. Read while you reload. Always come here first for help instead of last for forgiveness. Should you lapse, forgiveness will always be here but it's a lot easier to live with asking for help all the time instead of asking for forgiveness all the time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: South East England
Posts: 29
I would like to be able to drink in moderation but don't know if I can - never really tried! I am just going to take it on a day by day basis. Sunday was really the day that I admitted to myself that this is a problem and that I have to do something about it. I am far too embarrassed to admit it to friends or family so appreciate it to be able to come on here without being judged
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I think most of us tried the moderation route before we ultimately threw our hands up and quit.
If you're a alcoholic like me, you'll find it doesn't work, not for any real amount of time..
I had all the good intent in the world - but all bets were off after the first drink.
I hope you have better success than I did
D
If you're a alcoholic like me, you'll find it doesn't work, not for any real amount of time..
I had all the good intent in the world - but all bets were off after the first drink.
I hope you have better success than I did
D
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