carguysgirl

Hi, my boyfriend and have been together for just over a year and just moved in together. The only real contention in our relationship involved his 18 year old daughter. She's been been addicted to opiates-heroin specifically for about two years. My boyfriend only realized the extent of her addiction last summer. We've argued about his denial of her problem. Decades ago I saw friends with this addiction and how they devolved so I am unwilling to get to know this girl or have her around my home. She just last week came back to the area we live in and went off of the drugs cold turkey. While this is encouraging I would like for her to be well into recovery and having more positive things going on in her life before I get to know her. While my boyfriend tries to respect my feeling's this still causes us stress and he doesn't really agree with me or have to abide with my feelings and what he views as restrictions.

ReadyAtLast

I have 2 step children and imo when you get involved with someone you take on their children too,even if they are adults. Maybe this is something that should have been discussed before you moved in together.

Please be careful -if you push him and refuse to get to know her or have her in your home or have anything to do with her this may well show you in a bad light in his eyes. Children have ups and downs and we can't just choose to be involved with partner's chidlren when all good.

You don't want to be in a position where you are forcing him to choose between the 2 of you.

I'm assuming you don't have your own addiction problems-if you do and you don't want an addict near you becuase of your own fears for your sobriety then that's completely different

Live

This did not turn out well with my XH. His son was well into his 30's and came to our hometown when he got out of prison for drug related crimes. I did not dislike him but did have firm boundaries. He returned to crack and alcohol, stealing and blackmailing. His father was completely enmeshed and even drank with him, which I refused to be around. that year of hell contributed greatly to the beginning of the end for us. On my end, I would do nothing differently. I feel like his father did him a real disservice by drinking with him, being overly involved and his hiding of things and rescuing him. I also objected to my XH drinking so much.
I am the only one stepson did not steal from. I did not forbid him from our home but I did tell him if he stole the smallest thing, I would report it. And I was a drag about the drinking so they didn't really want to be at our house much anyway.
As you can see we are no longer married but there were other issues but this was a big one.
The first time he tested hot and violated parole, I stood with him and his father in court. The second time, he went back to prison.
Maybe you can meet on neutral grounds, go out for dinner together and such.
good luck.
T

Raider

It's a sticky whickett when stepchildren are involved. Chose wisely.

least

Welcome to SR! I hope his daughter chooses to get clean and have a decent life. And I hope the two of you can come to an understanding and mutual respect.

carguysgirl

Thanks for replies. I'm so glad for someplace to express my thoughts and questions. I want to do everything i can to be a responsible partner in this situation. I don't have addiction issues of my own to worry about triggering. I lived with friends and roomies in my 20's who became addicted to heroin, and I hesitate to revisit the experience of caring for anyone in this state. I also want to support my love without enabling denial or his enabling his enabling of his daughter due to his denial. Looking for thoughts ans opinions. I want to learn and grow more than I want to be right! :-)