Achingforchange

I am on Day 10. I joined SR over 7 months ago and played around with the idea of quitting for many months. I have been playing with fire for over 3 years. I have known for a long time that I had a problem,but only in the last few months has my husband really noticed my problem. We both come from alcoholic families and I knew without a doubt that I would lose him if I didn't make a change. He never asked me to quit, but he is quite conflict avoidant, so my prediction was that he would just up and leave before he would ever confront me. We have a really great life. There is no reason for alcohol to have taken on such an important role in my life. I have 2 great kids and I want so much to not have alcoholism be part of their story and I am realizing it may already be too late for that. Anyway, I am craving to hear from people with long term sobriety who were able to quit for good the first time. Does that exist? I am afraid I will lose everything I care about if this doesn't work the first time. What is the difference in approach or thought process for those that say "Enough" and are truly done and those who continue to relapse over and over. I don't know if I will be able to fail on this attempt and have my marriage make it. For the first time, I had a face to face honest conversation with my husband and my best friend. I told them alcohol has become a problem for me and that I have quit for good and that I am never changing my mind. Now I am scared to death that I have drawn a line of failure in the sand and that i will not be able to follow through. I am not craving anything right now, just reading all of the posts that talk about all of the relapse. Any suggestions for making it work first time through? Thank you so much for any thoughts. I am grateful for this forum.

freshstart57

10 days is wonderful, AchingForChange. Congratulations. And you most certainly never have to drink again. Of course, people quit for good the first time, lots of em, you just won't find many hanging around here. Obviously this forum selects for those who struggle with addiction, who continually relapse and fail to remain sober. But don't let yourself believe that this is the norm. It certainly isn't a useful thing to believe now, is it?

Let's look at the possible outcomes of deciding to quit alcohol for good, no matter what, never changing your mind. #1, you succeed and you are done with alcohol forever. Or, #2, you keep drinking. Continuing to drink, whether you try swear off it for ever or not, will lose you everything you hold dear. You truly have nothing to loose by deciding to quit for good, and a whole beautiful sober life ahead of you to gain.

A sober life is nothing to fear, it is beautiful at times, calm and serene, peaceful at other times. There is joy and happiness for you in your own measure. There is respect from others, and respect from yourself. That shame and guilt and depression and anxiety caused by your drinking are over and gone.

The story of how I did it, almost three years ago, is here.

Believe in yourself, AchingForChange. I believe in you. I know you can do this, and that you deserve to have a life free of addiction. Are you ready to make that plan about continuing to use alcohol?

biminiblue

Relapse absolutely does not have to be part of your recovery.

It is possible to make it stick the first time. Make it so.

Achingforchange

Thanks Freshstart! Your post means more than you know. The link to your post from 3 years ago was inspirational and I am grateful. It is remarkable how important these words of encouragement can be. Thank you.

Achingforchange

Thank you Bimini. It is certainty like this that makes me believe.

Joe Nerv

I entered recovery for the first time on August 27th, 1984. I've been sober since. I know many others who also have gotten sober the first time around.

I had no doubt whatsoever that alcohol was a problem in my life. As far as I was concerned however it was the least of my problems, and the only thing that I thought was keeping me together. I tried many times to stop for just a day or 2, and couldn't do it, but never gave a thought to stopping completely (I couldn't and knew it), until that date above.

What I believe made it stick for me was my absolute hopelessness and desperation. I was terrified, as I was no longer a functioning human being. Too much in that to write about here, but, I had what is sometimes referred to as the gift of desperation. It made me 150% willing to do anything anyone suggested for me to get better. I was equally open minded. I had no problem saying I know nothing regarding this living sober thing, tell me what I need to do.

I don't feel that desperation is a necessity for getting sober first time around, but the open minded attitude that comes with it I think is one of the most powerful tools we have.

Anyhow, in my particular case that meant:

• Going to AA, regardless of the fact that I didn't want to, and didn't think I actually could (I had phobias and fears that made it really difficult).
• It meant reading all the literature they suggested in AA. A book called Living Sober, the book Alcoholics Anonymous, and a book called the step book.
• It meant getting away from the people, places and things (for at least several months) that I associated with my drinking life, and changing just about all my habits.
• It meant putting the 12 steps suggested in AA into practice.
• Getting a sponsor.
• Getting a home group in AA.
• Taking pretty much any and every suggestion that was thrown at me.

Basically it took building a rock solid sober foundation.

It took some time, and I grew slowly, but I never picked up another drink and I'm happy to say that today I am completely free of any desire whatsoever to drink. It's not a part of my life anymore, and hasn't been for decades. Lots more I can say, but I've been hacking away on this forum for too long today already... gots other things I need to be doing.

Best of luck. This can be done first time around. The above is what worked for me and I've seen the same work for many others. It's not the only way though. You need to decide what will be best for you. One thing I'm pretty sure everyone agrees upon is that we need to change the person who used to need to drink all the time. Without doing that, even if we stop drinking we only wind up with an unhappy person who doesn't drink anymore.

Best of luck.

Oldselfagain

Freshstart I just read your original post. Fabulous!!

freshstart57

AVRT is described as 'the collected lore of the self-recovered'. There is no magic, there is no miracle, just a renewed belief in yourself and your ability. There is a lot more info at the Secular Connections forum here on SR, and on the Rational Recovery website.

Not everyone needs to be hopeless, helpless or close to death in order to quit drinking. Sadly, for some that is still not enough, and by waiting to see how close they can come to 'needing to quit', they overshoot the mark, and it's game over.

We can choose to quit drinking, for ever and for good. We can decide that we are sick and tired of being tired and sick, and it is time to stop. Of all the times we can do it, this one right now is the best.

Decide you can do it, decide you will do it, and then do it. You will look back on today and wonder why the heck you waited so long. Onward!

aasharon90

Hi, I'm Sharon and I'm an Alcoholic.

This what I had to ADMIT to myself
23 yrs. ago when family intervened
on me sending me to rehab to learn
about my addiction and how to live
life without depending on it one day
at a time.

At that time in my life, I was about 30
yrs. old, married for about 8 yrs, with
2 little ones around 3 and 6. A stay at
home mom and wife.

Feb. 1990 I had a bad accident due to
my drinking, running off the road thru
some road construction at 2 in the morning.
EMS was called and don't recall the ride
to the hospital where I spent 10 days with
a punctured spleen that was removed so
I wouldnt bleed to death along with numerous
broken ribs, bones and contusions.

I healed very nicely within 3 months with
no alcohol and just pain pills till I had no
more pain. August 1990, I went back to
the same club, drank right back to were I
left off at in Feb. I came home 2AM to another
horrible argument, and on a dare I said I
would kill myself. Just leave this world.

My husband told me I wasn't gonna do
that and to go to bed. After he disappeared
I downed a bottle of pain pills with remaining
wine and off to bed I went not thinking of the
consequences that would follow my actions
because I was too numb from the poison of
wine and pills in my system to think rationally.

My 2 babies tried to wake me the next
morning without success. Then, in a distance
I could hear the phone ringing which was
right next to my bed. Even tho it was my
mother in law yelling at me to get up and
move around, to this day I still believe it
was my Higher Power, or God of my understanding
calling me to let me know He was not thru
with me yet.

I did get up and threw up all that was in
my system and before I knew it, my husband
was trying to haul me to the car to go to
the hospital to get my stomach pumped.

I fought him off because I was very well
coherient and didn't need to go. All was
quiet for awhile as the house was empty
except me. Before I knew it, authorities
were escorting me to their car because
they had a court order to take me to the
hospital for mental evaluation for wanting
to harm myself.

Me, little ol me. I wouldnt harm anyone as
I sat behind the officers in fenced in back
seat with no handles. Boy, was I pizzed,
angry, fuming.

Today as I reflect on the time frame from
Feb. 1990 to Aug. 1990.....the progression
of my illness, my alcohol addiction is quit
astounding. Shocking. Just because I didn't
drink between that time didn't mean I could
just pick up and control my drinking, but rather
that time gave my illness time to grow stronger
inside me waiting for me to fuel it up with a
single sip of alcohol. Poison.

Entering rehab and staying for 28 day gave
me time to learn about my addiction and
receive some good helpful steps and principles
of a recovery program to incorporate in my
everyday affairs. When I returned home, all
the alcohol was removed out of the house as
I was the only one with and alcohol addiction.

My husband told me that if I ever picked
up a drink again then I would be out. I
emmediately copped a resentment and
wanted to prove that I would stay sober
not because he said so but because I wanted
to.

And I did and have remained sober with
a many one days at a time continueously
for 23 yrs.

This recovery life I live is mine. I am totally
responsible for what I put into it each day
and the results are the Promises coming true
for me.

I am filled with graditude for this wonderful
life without killing myself with poison and
to be able to help raise 2 beautiful, talented,
loving, addiction free children to adults is
a gift in itself.

It was suggested to me in early recovery
that when one person in the family is sick,
then the rest of the family is affected. In
order for the entire family to grown and
live a healthy, happy life addiction free is
for all to get involved in some sort of recovery
program offered to all.

Al-anon for the spouse of the alcoholic.
Alateen for the young ones. Alcoholics
Anonymous or AA or some sort of recovery
program available to ur choosing.

AA has worked for me and still does. As
for my little family. No one sought help as
they didn't see themselves as being sick.

They themselves continued on with their
daily lives with work and school not skipping
a beat while I worked my AA program.

Find what works well for you and learn
to live a healthy, happy, honest in recovery
with ur family.

DoubleDragons

I will have 8 months sober on May 29. Not a huge amount of time, considering my 27 years of drinking. But it is my first attempt at sobriety. I do at least one thing a day for my recovery, i.e. read/post on SR, go to yoga, meditate, read AA devotionals,read memoirs of addicts, add inspirational quotes or reminders to myself, about how bad drinking was to my sobriety journal, etc. My mother is an alcoholic and so was my father-in-law. He was dead at 59. My mom was drunk yesterday morning when I spoke to her. I am wondering if I am going to have to disinvite her to my son's graduation, her beloved first grandchild. I am starting to look at it more and more as a moral choice that I have to give my complete "all/everything" to for myself, my family, and for God for giving me the gift of life. Incidentally, I asked a similar question a few months ago, and the replies of long time sober people who quit on their first try was overwhelming. Honestly, it knocked me down a few pegs because I was feeling smug and questioning whether I was really an alcoholic. Stick with the winners is what many of them told me.

grubby

I am a fellow first-timer

I dont think it is that hard, but that's just my opinion based on my own personal experience. For me, the worst of it was the severe and extreme insomnia of the first two weeks........... it was utter hell, the first time in my LIFE i was sleep-deprived for more than 2 days. There was also the high blood pressure and racing heart during the first week, but that was really the least of my worries.......... the lack of sleep was the killer, it really wore me down and almost broke me.

I am grateful that nothing happened and i am still here in one piece, i was really blind-sided by this whole alcohol thing............ didn't have a clue.

To the OP, you are still very early in recovery, the single most important thing in making it "stick" is to not drink under ANY circumstances. I know, it sounds easier said than done............. but it really is that simple.

Recently i had my first sober birthday in some time, the temptation to drink was there and in-fact........ i live just down the street from a liquor store. But i reminded myself that im not doing that anymore............. so what did i do? I instead had a quiet afternoon and bought myself a nice dinner and then came home and watched Netflix all night.

Perhaps the OP could provide some more details like how much they were drinking exactly? Stuff like that helps when commenting.

LBrain

No matter what method you choose to stop drinking, if you don't want to stop it won't matter what method you chose.

No matter what method you choose to stop drinking, if you truly are committed to it, then whatever program you chose will work.

The choice is yours to make. Yes it is.

Achingforchange

I was up to two bottles of wine a night. I could take a day off or two, but would only do it if the situation forced it. My drinking was starting earlier and earlier in the day...before kids got home from school and before my husband came home...all because I knew that was the only way to not have any interference in my primary goal of drinking too much. I thought I was hiding it so well, but clearly my husband was on to me and worried and getting angry. I feel highly motivated to "stay quit", but I just don't know what I don't know about this journey. I don't want to be complacent and would be so grateful to learn the lessons from those that have gone before me, so that perhaps I could give myself a better chance at success. My daughter is 12 and was starting to notice, I think. My 9 year old boy...not so much (or at least that is what I am telling myself). In my line of work we talk about "best practice". What is "best practice" for a fulfilling and lasting sober life?

Achingforchange

Thanks so much to those that have shared above. You taking the time to share with me your experience means so much.

LBrain

Or you can start a FASA - focused area self assessment. In the end, each groups best practices will be the best.
I love corporate jargon.

Dee74

Hi achingforchange

I'm glad to told your husband as I know that was a source of major fear for you.

I really believe you get out of your recovery what you put into it...so really leave no stone unturned. Get as much support as you can, and really use it.

Look at the areas of your life that you need to change to stay sober...and change them.

I told myself that, ultimately, my task was simple - never again to raise another glass of booze to my lips - no matter what.

Not easy, but simple.

I kept my focus on the simplicity and did everything I could to remain sober.

I drank for 20 years. I ended an all day everyday drinker for 5 years.
If I can do this - anyone can

D

silentrun

I have a little over a year so that may not qualify as long term. When I quit I fully understood that was just the way it had to be. Just too afraid to let my life take the direction is was about to if I continued to drink. The urge to drink was immense at the beginning. That eased up. I used SR about 3 hours a day for along time. I have no formal plan. Recently I read why first time quitters screw up and it is because at some point we start thinking we don't really have that big of a problem and end up testing out that theory. It ends badly and the next time we try to quit the obsession to drink comes back stronger. I did try to get drunk 3 months in. What I learned from that is A) It's not the same as you remember and the depression takes a lot longer to clear out B) Tell someone what is going on before you get in the Red Zone where you just say "Screw it I am doing this."

Coldfusion

Welcome Back, Achingforchange! Ten days is great!

My wife and I quit drinking a year and a half ago. We went to ninety AA or NA meetings in our first ninety days of sobriety, and I feel this really built a firm foundation for our recovery. I continue going to meetings, and spend a lot of time here at SoberRecovery, but my wife doesn't. But we agree on the importance of those early meetings.

LadyinBC

What worked for me was building a support system and having an open mind when it comes to recovery. This means going out of my comfort zone and being willing to try things I might not want to. One day at a time has also served me very well. All that is required of me today, is to get thru today without drinking, that's it. I try to keep it simple.

At the end of the day nothing or no one can be more important than my sobriety, it really had to become my motto. I have to be willing to put as much effort into staying sober as I did into staying drunk. And believe me I put a lot of effort into that!

This journey has defiantly not been easy, and I still have my good and bad days, however, the rewards at the end and how good I feel, it has been worth it.

LadyinBC

oops and congrats on 10 days !