liss74

Just hopeless !!!

soberclover

I wouldn't say hopeless....just a little stuck on your path. I hope you decide to jump off the drinking path for awhile so that you can realize the benefits of not drinking. It takes a large dose of deciding to "not drink....no matter what". It requires some serious lifestyle changes. New playgrounds, new play-toys, and new friends.

Croissant

Liss, when are you going to detox?

Do your older children look after your younger children when you are like this?

liss74

No I take care of them all and next week

Dee74

Liss, you remind me a lot of me right now, right at the end of my drinking career.
Noone asked anything of me because ...well there was no point.

In my drunken stupor I thought this was fantastic - I could do what I want and others would take care of everything for me. A drunkards dream.

Now I see it very differently.

I removed myself totally from a life where people wanted me, needed me - but I simply wasn't available.

I think that was one of the most tragic aspects of my drinking.

You're not hopeless. You've had long stretches of sobriety.

But...and I say this with all the gentleness and care in the world - you need to wake up to yourself before things go irreversibly wrong.

Think about who you want to be...and become that person again.
It's within your power.

D

liss74

dont drink till late arvo I'm highly functional always and never black out but that's what's keeping me from the truth we all are different and I get sick and just exsist

Dee74

I guess you disagree then that you're not there for your kids when you're drinking, liss?

D

liss74

I am here for my kids I've been up 3 nights straight with my 17 year old daughter yes if I didn't drink it would be better hello why do you think I'm on here ? Omg I'm tired and yes I shouldn't drink and don't want to so tired can't win ever just looking for support not judgment I already know I'm a piece of wasted space thanks

liss74

If I come on here and say how well I'm doing being sober everyone is happy . But when I come on here and stuff up everyone is not happy . I'm not bad trying to be good I'm sick trying to get well

Chilledice

Liss nobody here is judging you I promise you that, we all want you well

liss74

When I'm sober again you will all accept me but till then just judge me

Dee74

You read a lot of things into my post I didn't say, liss.
I'm not looking for a fight.

What you've dismissed as judgement is concern for you and your kids.

I know you can do better but you seem to be using everything right now as an excuse not to?

You can get all the support in the world here, but you need to make the changes Liss.
I hope you'll decide to to do that.

I'll give you a break from me. I don't seem to be doing very well.

D

liss74

Just what I need I'm to hard so turn away . It's not what I want . I'm not ok and sometimes we don't have the right thing to say but I want to know you get it and won't leave ! U must remember what it was like that's how we stay sober

Dee74

I'm not abandoning you Liss - I'm going to bed.
It's been a long day and I'm probably a little more blunt than I should be..

I'm doing you a favour, not turning my back

see you tomorrow.

D

liss74

ok

LadyBlue0527

Hi liss

What do you see as support, concern, and caring? A pat on the head, an "oh, that's ok you'll do better next time?" I think that you're past that, don't you?

I'm not negating those statements, they are necessary and a big part of this board. To help the person who has relapsed realize that just because they drank it's not the end, they just need to keep at it.

However, sometimes a little more than that is needed. In this thread alone, when questioned about the care of your children, you're quantifying your drinking by saying that you're high functioning and never black out. So does that mean that there's no problem?

There isn't a person who has replied to you who isn't merely trying so diligently to get through to you. Every response is written out of care and concern. Hoping that you'll open your eyes and see the severity of the situation.

It has nothing to do with judgement. We aren't judging, you're doing enough of that yourself at the end of that statement.

I'm going to be honest when I say too that the "Oops I did it again" set me off a bit. You didn't spill some water, break a dish, ruin a carpet. You drank. There isn't any more room for making things an "oh well", you're playing with your life. There's nothing oops about it.

You're upset because you're reading things that you don't want to see. Because of that you write it all off as judgement and it's not. Every single person who has replied is taking you by the shoulders, giving you a hug because we understand where you are, and trying to help you to open your eyes.

I can tell you that some of my greatest learning experiences on this board were when people replied to my posts and said things I didn't want to hear. It wasn't until I opened my eyes and realized that every single person who took the time to respond was there to help me. As much as I didn't want to hear what they had to say. Pats on the back and hugs are always nice. Posts that make you pull out of the fog and realize exactly what you are doing are the ones that really make a huge difference. You just have to listen.

LadyinBC

I am truly sorry you are struggling with this. I remember how hopeless I felt when I was near the end of my drinking. It really is a horrible feeling.

You are not hopeless and you are not a waste of space. And deep down you know this, because you keep reaching out here.

You have the strength inside of you Liss, you really do. You just need to grab onto it and hang onto it.

ReadyAtLast

Liss - you are not hopeless but this isn't beyond your control. Saying oops I did it again is so final and comes across as you have no control over even trying to stop drinking. This isn't beyond you.You can stop drinking, many on here have done it but you need to find out what works for you and work it as much as you can/need to. this isn't something that is just going to happen.Find out what works-AA,AVRT.SMART,SR,counselling anything at all. Have you thought about what you're going to do after detox .Cravings don't just disapppear after a detox-for me it was learning coping skills and how to deal with life sober plus dealing with and getting through cravings.

I think you don't want to hear what people are saying and people are only trying to help. People do want to help but saying oh that's fine you just keep on drinking isn't doing you any favours at all. Kidding yourself that you're high functioning is just an excuse to you to keep drinking. You're holding all the cards in the air and they will fall if you keep drinking. It's harsh but people on SR have had their children removed from their care because of their drinking. This is reality. I'm not unsympathetic-I am a mother too so do get it. It is ultimately you who has to decide you want to get sober and use the resources available to do it.

ScottFromWI

Sorry you drank again Liss. If it helps as all, I was in a very similar place and I would drink to "cope" with my kids being sick or other worries. I understand why you drank.

You need to understand that you not only have a choice in whether you drink or not, you HAVE to make the choice to quit if you want to. It took me a long time to realize that myself, but thank goodness I finally did. Yes, you are an alcoholic and you cannot change that, we are all that way. But that doesn't mean we don't have a choice in how we live our lives. You have detox coming up...that will allow you to safely quit for a few days, but you will still be the same person you were when you went in. You will need to make the same choice the day you get home as you have today...drink or don't drink.

SnoozyQ

Liss I'm so sorry you are in this bad head space at the moment . I'm so glad you came here and posted . When i thought i was highly functioning with my 3 daughters , i was kidding myself and they let me know about it now I'm sober .

They hated every second of it and even tho i thought i was ok , they said they ALWAYS knew after that first drink and rolled their eyes at each other saying here we go again.

Kids know EVERYTHING . I shudder at some of the things they have told me how they felt , when i thought i was high functioning .

It's only now i can see it and it still makes me cringe when i think about it i never wanna go back there .

Keep fighting the fight love , it's a bloody hard one , but do it not only for you , but for your kids .

They will love you for it ;-)

Much love xxx