Mental122

Hi. I've decided to jump back on the wagon due to my excessive binging, anxiety and depression. It's very familiar territory for me having done a couple of lengthy spells without touching a drop.

Last night I drank 20 cans of medium strength lager without even stumbling to bed. I've been doing this regularly for the past 2 years and years of binging on and off for as long as I could hold a pint glass with one hand.

I've tried everything from self help, detox, AA probably everything. I just can't seem to stop. My life feels like it's in black and white until that first beer. When I'm sober I lose interest in everything that is dear to me. I get desperately unhappy and I'm not the person I should be. I've suffered from depression and anxiety from a young age that has really made my life, my personality and my life choices a burden on my soul. I drink to forget I think.

So today I'm starting again on my old adversary the long shaky bridge and I'm terrified all over again.

Carlotta

Don't approach it as a long shaky bridge or going "on the wagon" because right there you are setting yourself up for failure. I would recommend that you approach it instead as a while lifestyle change. You are going in for a new adventure and yes it is a bit scary but also exciting.
What is your plan to achieve and maintain sobriety as well as a good quality of life?

FreeOwl

yeah.... I agree.

When we look at it as this daunting terrible thing or a 'wagon' to jump on, we are kind of approaching it as temporary.

What's been helpful for me is focusing on all the goodness of embracing sobriety for me. I know you've indicated that you feel like life is in black and white, depressing, lacking when sober.... yet perhaps that's because of where you've been looking?

Start with ONE good thing about sobriety.... focus everything on that. Because One Good Thing leads to another.

you can do it!

ScottFromWI

Welcome Mental. I think what you are describing is a very familiar situation many of us find ourselves in - there is a clear difference between abstinence and sobriety. Quitting drinking is merely the first hurdle of many I needed to get over to start enjoying a life without alcohol. One of the other large hurdles that many don't anticipate is underlying issues - you mention anxiety and depression. While alcohol can cause those, many of us have other mental and physical issues we need to address - and our solution while we were drinking was simply to get drunk and try to ignore them. But as you have found, they never go away if we simply do nothing.

Have you seen a mental health professional in your attempts at quitting? Many of the issue we face are very treatable - might want to give it a shot. Props to you for coming here as well, SR is a wonderful place for support. Stick around!

Mental122

To lose this weight that's hanging off the front of me as a starting point. I know exercise is a good medication as I've been sober before.

Mental122

Thanks and I will =)


Yeah, I'm on meds to combat it. Anti-depressants and beta blockers. Funny how I've been taking them to lift myself and then adding higher doses of depressants making me feel worse =/

Dee74

Welcome to SR Mental

Coming here and using the support helped me turn my life around - I hope ewe can help you do the same

D

Needinghelp82

Yup, been there. I thought alcohol was helping! Wrong!!

Good luck, take each day as it comes. You can do this!

GwenCummings

I think that positive language is very important in helping us to stay sober. Everyone who has chosen a negative name for themselves should consider choosing a neutral or preferably even a very positive name.

If you see yourself as a Phoenix rising from the ashes you are going to do better than if you see yourself as a hopeless case for example.