CrimsonKing

I've been here before... And I'm here again... I want to stop drinking. I drink a 6 pack approximately 4 times a week. Is it tearing my life apart? No. Have I lost my job? No. But I want to stop and can't. I tell myself in the morning "OK, this is it... No more..." but the thought scares me. Then at night I think of ways to manipulate my wife into offering me beer. I act stressed. I brood. I am unfriendly. All so she will say "Hey, go get some, you're stressed."

It's not ruining my life... but it is... Maybe I'm not a FULL BLOWN alcoholic, but I have a dependency that makes me feel panic'd... I need to stop. I WANT to stop... I just feel out of control. I KNOW it will sound like a good idea later and I feel powerless to say no...

Help.

least

I hope this time you can stop drinking for good.

doggonecarl

Powerless, out of control. Sounds like alcoholism to me.

Accept it Crimson, and work the solution. I don't know what other help anyone on SR is supposed to give you. It's your soberiety. You must take the actions to quit. Help yourself.

FreeOwl

this is a REALLY good time to embrace sobriety..... because you're still in a position of not having lost it all to this thing.

this is also a REALLY challenging time to embrace sobriety.... because it hasn't gotten so bad that you've lost it all t


We're here for you!!!

You can stop the cycle before it gets worse.

Nonsensical

No it won't. Good ideas are a cognitive process. If you think it through, it will sound like a bad idea, just like it does now.

You might feel like drinking later. I feel like putting kitty litter in my boss's coffee. That doesn't qualify it as a good idea.

I have a lot of feelings I don't act upon. Drinking is one of them.

Take your wife out for ice cream.

CrimsonKing

Thanks guys. It's true. I have control. I'm a smart guy, so act like it. I feel good about this, but I also feel sad... Like I'm losing a friend or something...

Nonsensical

Your friend steals and lies. He also convinces you to lie and manipulate your wife. Obsessing about him also means he stole your freedom.

Kick this habit and it all becomes so clear you'll wonder how you were ever so deluded.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

aasharon90

Admitting I have a problem with alcohol,
poison, powerless over it and my life has
become unmanageable is a good step in
the right direction in stopping the insanity
of my addiction.

I realized and learned in rehab that I
couldn't stop drinking on my own. I
needed help. A recovery program offered
me help and surrounded me with others
learning to live life without alcohol trying
to destroy it and me.

Until I made some changes in my home,
my daily routine, in myself then I would
remain sick and on the merry go round
not letting me get off.

I didn't choose rehab, but rather my family
intervened on me seeking help for for me
when I was not able to. 28 days in rehab
allowed me a good start to be in a controlled
inviroment with no alcohol to reach for
when going thru many different emotions.

It allowed me to learn about my addiction
and how it affected my mind and body and
those around me. Family, friends, work.

28 days was just a small drop in a bucket
because when I returned home, I was without
that security net to catch me if I fell, slipped,
relapsed. So, I had to continue on my maintanence
in recovery, picking up more tools and knowledge
to help reinforce my recovery foundation to
live upon each day I remained sober.

What I shared with you is my own experience
that has helped and worked for me to stay
sober 23 yrs. now. It has taken each day building
a strong foundation with help from many others
who have also learned how to stay sober themselves
for a many one days at a time to get them where
they are today.

Living a happier, healthier, honest, grateful
life in recovery, life, work, and family.

You can too.

pupkin

Hey Crimson--welcome. FreeOwl makes a great point. This is the best time and the hardest time to make this change. I don't have much advice other than to assure you the chances are very low that you'll be able to maintain your current intake level indefinitely. It might take years, but it'll keep creeping up, and then one day it'll really have its teeth in you, and you'll think back to this post and ask yourself, "Why, why, why didn't I do something back then?" But nobody can tell you that--nobody could tell me that--and I feel for you. I felt the same "losing a friend" grief at first, but Nonensical is right. That friend is toxic.

I also feel excited and happy for you: you have a chance to head this off at the pass. Keep checking in.

Aellyce

Crimson, you made an almost identical OP in February this year. Why, do you think, it keeps repeating?

It was also on a repeat cycle for me for years. If I can still get away with things... did not lose anything majorly important... why stop? I really recommend that you stay on SR for a while and read and read the various stories. That was very helpful for me in January this year when I decided to quit for good, and it was actually not one of my worst periods. But I read all those posts from people I related to a lot, some of them eerily similar to me in thinking style, people now in longer term sobriety who did hit the bottom of hell and also struggled with herculean efforts to "come back"... finally did and now have a great life and wisdom that pierced right into my mind from the screen. A common feature of their shares is also that it's not necessary to lose everything in order to fix ourselves. It happens to some, but there are other ways...

Think about it. Reading those stories for me scared the *** out of me because I could clearly see where I was most likely headed to. I'll be grateful forever to SR and the members who share their stories so authentically - it can save lives if you let it!

christimc

Agreed. It may feel like losing a best friend, thats how i felt. But trust me a best friend wont lead you into despair. Its a guise and we must fight that AV which would love nothing more than to abuse us some more. Good luck hun *hugs

CrimsonKing

Thanks Haennie... i'm not super happy at home... i mean, there's that... but then again there are healthy ways to deal with things like that and unhealthy ones. I need some healthy habits.

Aellyce

Well, look around on SR, there are tons of suggestions and methods discussed all the time.

I see that you like 'The Dark Tower' by Stephen King... That's one of the best metaphors for obsession and addiction (and other psychological maladies) I've ever found in fiction. Another alcoholic friend of mine got me into reading SK, he is a huge fan and thought the writer's mental world and vision was quite similar to mine...well, ours. He and I created a whole parallel fantasy universe ourselves based around it. I think the quality of writing varies a lot between the books, but the story is very well done for the most part. It can be interpreted and infused with personal meaning in many ways.

So yeah, we need better habits than looking for Dark Tower or destroying it, I would say

CrimsonKing

haha! yes! i haven't read the books in a few years. i should go back!!!

Nuudawn

Hey CK..I remember you from my last go at this.
I'm back too...one week sober.
My quantities of consumption also are not so horrendous that the answer is obvious..
but I know for me...and you know for you...
that the answer for a more quality life ..
is obvious.
That's really all that is required.
Do we really need our lives to get so bad that we're living in a van down by the river before we realize that we need to cut it out?
I hope not.
Just wanted to say "hey".

Aellyce

No don't go back. I also read the books several years ago, but I don't think they offer any more good insight or solution than what you may already know.

Move ahead! I liked some of his more recent novels much better. You briefly mentioned some issues with your wife... well SK's 'Lisey's story' is one of my favorites by him. I could relate to the main character (the writer) in it so much it's beyond funny... lots of weird things as usual, but the ending is something worth reading if you like SK.

I also liked 'Duma Key'... about friendship. Yet again, I relate in many ways.

And the collection of short stories 'Just After Sunset'.

Don't go for his older books, I think (based on his work) he's been progressing in the right direction.

All the best to you

soberclover

Welcome back! If you have tried to stop and you can...you're probably an alcoholic. If you play the games in order to drink....you're probably an alcoholic. For me it wasn't the not drinking that scared me but rather the having feelings that scared me. I saw give yourself a shot at this sobriety thing. Give it a good shot....like a year at least. And then if it isn't working for you....well...you can cross that bridge when you get there. And also.....being an alcoholic or not isn't defined to the degree of how bad things got and what happened to a person. Being an alcoholic is defined by the quality of your life when alcohol is involved in it.

pupkin

Even better CK, try SK's DR SLEEP, which actually deals with alcoholism directly...

xolynn

I didnt read through all the replies but I want you to know I'm there with you...i'm not physically dependent where I go through withdrawal but get physiological cravings to go buy alcohol to deal w the stress of life...it sucks and i'm sick of it ik this probably isnt much help but just wanted you to know your not alone...

Goldcoastgirl

Wow I could have written this post word for word, it is exactly how I feel. Thank you for summing it up so succinctly xolynn. I am going to bookmark this x