heartbroke1008

It has now been 60 days sober for my A. He is really working his program. I am very happy and a little scared. I keep waiting for things to hit the fan. I am going to alanon meetings and getting a lot out of them. I think the thing I am having the hardest time with right now is the way my A and the children react to each other. They are both REACTING. I am trying to teach the kids that he is Quacking at them but be respectful. They do not like it when he tells them to pick up after themselves or anything else for that matter. He is right most of the time. Sometimes he is cranky and projecting his feelings on to them and myself. I want so badly for everyone to feel better and not have this kind of conflict. The children are in Alateen. They have been to 3 meetings. My son is 11 and he is so full of anger and resentment and does not know how to get it out. We have had a bunch of pillow fights...that seems to help him out. I know it will take us all a bunch of growing time before things get better but I'm not as patient as I would like to be. Anyone else experience this type of problem when you A got sober? How did you help the little ones in your house? Is for me to help? I'm not sure what to do. Any advise or similar story would be helpful. God bless everyone.

Nightowl

huge hugs. I have not been through this at all. I have two girls......12 and 14 and they have a hard time dealing with my SO at times. Sometiems it is so hard to tell whether it is because he has been drinking and is a tad bit argumentative or is it just typical teenager stuff or just typical step family stuff. I have a hard time differentiating. I am not sure if I need to know what "type" of problem it is or just deal iwth it. But it does seem like it would be easier if you knew if it was just typical or alcohol related and it is so hard to tell sometimes. alcohol just complicate matters so much.

I would think Al-Anon meetings would be the most helpful. Or are there any books about recovery and children? huge hugs again. sounds rough.

myles1

Keep up the Alateen meetings Heartbroke and your Alanon, that's ho wyou can help. Maybe some counselling for your son for awhile would be good.

Ngaire

freya

As the mom of 2 teenage boys, I have to say that I think you are in an real uphill battle if you are truly attempting to teach them that "he is quacking at them" but that they should "be respectful" nonetheless. This is probably not news to you, but I'll state it anyways: Kids are not stupid and one of the things that they pick up the fastest is anything that even vaguely resembles hypocrisy. It would appear that, through his own choices and his own behavior, your AH has lost the respect of his own children. That is hard and painful and very, very sad...for you, for your kids and for their dad...

....but it is also a consequence he brought upon himself by making the choices he did and behaving as he did. It is not your job to protect him from that consequence anymore than it is your job to protect him from any other consequence.

Indeed, when it comes to respect, the very fact that your kids see you getting involved in trying to "make" them respect him is in itself probably just more proof that he does not really deserve their repsect. Any person who truly deserves respect does not need to have someone else out there working on his behalf to make sure he gets it.

Hopefully, their lack of respect for him at this time will also be painful enough for him to help him realize that his behavior has jeopardized his relationship with some of the most precious people in his life. Only then he will be ready and willing to do what he has to do to repair that relationship. That's something that is, most likely, not going to be easy, but it is also something that only he can do.

Good luck, freya