wishinghope

This is my first post and im trying to quit for good. It hasn't even been a full week yet but I have support from my fiance and family and hope to quit for good. I was molested as a child and raped at 18, I have been trying to cover up my pain for a long time. As I've been sober all those emotions have come back to haunt me. I have allowed them to pass but I fear so much of falling back. I cannot afford it for I will lose everyone. I already have damaged relationships due to my addictions. I never thought I would be an addict... I hope to find some solace and comfort here around others who understand me.

brazilian

Yes, I understand you. Here you will find support from many.

I quit pot and alcohol too, not a long time ago.

We are in this together

wishinghope

Thank you Brazilian. its hard. I had dreams of smoking pot and had to realize I didn't actusky smoke. I've heard its normal.

Raider

I understand you.

wishinghope

Thank you, any support is great.

Dee74

Hi and welcome WishingHope
I moved you to our newcomers forum - you'll find a lot of support here.

D

least

Welcome to the family from a fellow Buckeye!

wishinghope

Thank you all. I have already had thoughts of drinking since getting pot isn't possible. I didn't do it. I need to remember what it will do to me and those around me the problem is I feel I need it so much I forget to think about the end results. I realized what everyone means when they say you have to change your thought processes at least partly. I feel selfish in saying my want for pot and alcohol makes me forget those around me... Its impulsive. But I know I'm not a bad person I just made bad choices. The fact I want to change is a good step. And as strange as it sounds watching intervention and other shows about addiction seem to help relieve me I guess it helps me feel not alone.

Ps: this forum has also been a help even though its only been a day I've already felt lots of support.

Cflexbxny

Hi wishinghope,

Welcome! Your statement really hit me...

I have had several dreams of me doing the same except it was more alcohol. The dreams were so vivid and explicit that I had tremendous feelings of guilt as if I actually drank!!! It felt SO REAL. When I woke I even felt buzzed and hungover. It had been more than a week...If its normal, I don't like it, but I guess it comes with the territory.

Good Luck!

Dee74

I smoked pot for 30 years wishinghope. Getting off wasn't easy but it wasn't impossible either.

Don't start drinking...that opens up a whole other can of worms. Ask me how I know...lol.

If you are suffering from trauma, do you have a counsellor or a therapist to talk to?

These links maybe helpful to you too:

MARIJUANA – A Guide to Quitting
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...from-marijuana
Quitting Marijuana a 30 Day Self Help Guide // OADE // University of Notre Dame
Quitting Cannabis

D

Cflexbxny

Hi Dee,

Can I ask...What if you don't want to stop smoking pot just alcohol?

I personally think that if I had to pick the lesser of two evils, I would definitely pick pot...

Also, just my opinion, to stop both at once is like killing two demons at the same time.

I hope I am not stepping out of line...

WDYT?

Dee74

I don;t think there's two demons - there's only one with many facets.

For me pot and alcohol were equally as destructive cflexbxny.

The problem wasn't actually so much the pot or the booze itself...it was me.

I was looking for escape, scared of reality, and wanting to self medicate all manner of ills.
I was trying to fill a bottomless void in me with 'stuff'.

Turns out that void was impossible to fill.

I had much better results working on myself and my underlying issues, & healing the void, for good

if you get one hand free from the shackles, why would you not want to keep going and get the other hand free too?

Fear?
D

Cflexbxny

Hey Dee,

I am still fighting with step 1! LOL!

Fear...I wonder..

I can say this. My pot intake has decreased by like 80% since I stooped drinking.

Not justifying it. If I have to live with fear, I would rather it be alcohol.

I will still consider you words and the fear aspect.

Thanks again Dee. Great to be here.

Johnston

Welcome!

wishinghope

Thank you all for your response I am overjoyed to see so many responses and I know I need to quit both because it is for past reasons in which I was trying to cover. With pot I cannot get a job and alcohol I am mean and black out. I do drink every now and again but I probably won't be able to since stopping smoking. I do have my vices I won't quit for now so I don't add extra stress such as smoking cigs and biting my nails I do plan on stopping those but as of now they aren't destructive forces in my life and I feel if I stop them now I will be more likely to relapse. But once I start finding ways to cope with my emotions in a healthy manner I will probably quit. But everything in its own time. I hope to learn a lot from all of you and hope I can help and give others food for thought.

wishinghope

Also cflex I wanted to say I too had feelings of guilt and panic too when I woke up before I realized I hadn't smoked. It was awful.

WanderingBear

I was an alcohol and marijuana abuser, and like you the drinking was to dull the pain. I have been sober 12+ years. You can do it.

One thing I wanted to add about marijuana- I could really only smoke it when drinking. If I tried it when I was sober, it was the perfect recipe for a massive anxiety attack. Talk about scary- there's nothing worse than being stoned out of you gourd, and wondering if you are having a heart attack or if it's the weed. No thanks.

wishinghope

I couldn't smoke until I started my anti depressant or I would get panic attacks too. Then it became what I thought was the best thing ever. I remember some pretty sad and desperate measures I took to smoke I'd look on the floor for pieces I dropped, our coffee table has tiles which particles would get trapped so I'd remove every tile to find pot particles. It kind of makes me want to cry thinking about it. My addiction got worse when I got my bong too because I loved the big hits that would almost incapacitate me. Ugh. Okay enough talk of that. It makes me sad and miss it. I really hate this conflict because in my mind I feel it can really be beneficial for some people. But I guess its when you use it for physical illness not as a cover up for emotions. Is it normal to not know if I'm ready? I'm scared but I have no other choice at this point. I know its not making me happy but dang this is hard...

WanderingBear

I always hear about how "pot's not bad," but I don't have to look any further than a few old friends to see what the long term effects are. It has changed them, and not for the better. They are burnouts, and they have mood disorders and things which have been brought on by years of marijuana abuse. If you wake up in the morning and grab a bong, it's not normal. I've come to the conclusion that all mind-altering substances are unhealthy.

wishinghope

Thank you wandering bear, it gives me something else to remember next time I want to smoke. I guess I could look at our neighbor jay. I vowed I wouldn't ever be like him. He is a very very avid drinker. And that isn't even enough to describe his addiction. He also smokes pot and does coke. He can't remember anything. Even if you told him before he started drinking that day. But he is so bad into alcohol (I know I'm no doctor) but I really honestly believe he would die from withdrawal even if he was put into a hospital. Maybe if he weened off of it, but he tried to stop once and almost died. I know withdrawing from alcohol is the most dangerous out of all the other drugs. Anyways I'm rambling. I will say I have been coughing since stopping. Which confuses me since I still smoke cigarettes. So I don't know what to make of it and I really need to keep a journal because I suspect it happens only certain points of the day and night probably when I would smoke pot. I have been writing but not in a journal yet still need to keep notes.