Wahine

I had met with the L on Monday to review what he called preliminary papers. I was not understanding that it meant Final Divorce papers. He had put nothing in about the kids, plus a huge amount of other details that are needed. On top of that he was insulting about my incurable disease.

Saw the T on Tuesday. She reccomended another lawyer. Now I don't think I have enough $$ for the retainer. Stbxah has cleaned out the checking and maxed out the credit card. He makes very good money, I just don't know where it is going. Last month he took around $800 out in cash. Normally he would spend $200. I'm sick and frustrated. My blood pressure was 166/109 at the Dr today. He had stated last week I was going to have to ask for money to buy bread. I have the number to a women's shelter. I'm wondering if I should take funds from joint account on Friday when his pay is deposited. As it is, I have a huge stack of bills it won't cover. I'm also worried as he is going to visit family with kids this weekend. This is the usual. I stopped going 2 years ago on visits. Normally he ignores the kids, just sits around and drinks. Lately when around the family he has begun being critical and ugly to the kids. (I'm not there to be his emotional punching bag). I am so ready to get off the train.

redatlanta

Hmmm. Well my advice would be not to have fired the attorney. Papers can be edited. Hiring a new attorney is just going to string this out much longer. You don't have the money for it anyway, and finding an attorney that would take the case this far in may prove difficult.

As for taking the money, gosh I am unsure. Might be poking the bear a bit. If I were ready to get off the train I wouldn't poke the bear.

I would advise to call the attorney back and get this wrapped up. Sorry that he insulted you that's uncalled for, but after the papers are filed he will just be someone you used to know.

wanttobehealthy

If it's a joint acct and he's taking money from it I see no reason you can't take money to pay bills.

Better yet open your own acct and withdraw money from the joint one (half of what's in it) and have your own acct.

Katchie

Absolutely, if it is a joint account it is your money too. You have to protect yourself. I have been doing the same thing. When my AH was out of control, I set up my own account and have been saving money monthly. Even while he is in recovery, as of a couple of months, I still continue because there isn't a guarantee he will stay on the wagon even though he is doing far better than I could have ever hoped for. So please, dont apologize for taking care of yourself and your kiddos.

Wahine

I went to see a new lawyer. After taliking with her it was more apparent that L #1 wasn't really doing much for me. Most importantly he wasn't telling me everything I need to know. To retain L #2 I have to come up with another $2500. I just hope I can get AH to move out. If not the kids and I will have to move to start the procedure. If we have to move I will be super ticked off. I am so tired of it always being about him. He always gets his way and thinks nothing is his fault. He makes me out to be some vindictive, money grabbing b!#!-h. Maybe that is what I am becoming. One important item L#1 left out, spouse support is considered income and effects the amount of child support. Nice to know.

Mango blast

(((Wahine)))

Is there any way to arrange for the kids to go somewhere else this weekend before he leaves or for you to go away with them?
I hope things go well with finding a new lawyer who really supports you! This one sounds good. If you can't hire her, maybe she'd have a recommendation for someone else?

theuncertainty

I went through a similar thing with lawyers. I let L1 go after finding out he was either astoundingly incorrect or lied when he'd told me that if I agreed to a mutual no contact order, requested by AXH's attorney, it was exactly the same as being granted the restraining order against AXH that I'd filed for. (For those who may need to know: At least here, the 2 items are no where near the same. If AXH had violated a restraining order, the police could arrest him. When AXH violated the no contact order, there was nothing the police could do to enforce it. They informed me that with the no contact order, I'd have to file a motion with the court and the court would reprimand AXH for breaking the agreement.)

My 2nd lawyer agreed to let me make payments after a smaller retainer. She was like a blunt, matter-of-fact (almost abrasive) bulldog. I had to very consciously let go of any hope of having her 'hold my hand' through the process. I could expect her to provide info on probable outcomes. She would tell me we need to do *this*. Even an explanation of why certain steps were necessary. But she didn't need to be friendly about it, and often wasn't. (I got emotional support from my family and therapist.)

I can't offer any direction on the joint account funds. I'd separated my account long before to keep AXH from taking everything out and overdrawing it on a regular basis.

Wishing you continued strength.

anykey

I fired a lawyer- and a dr.

I was in a serious lawsuit. I put my lawyer on a lie detector test. (he did not know it) Everything he said was a lie. So I hired a real lawyer.

DG0409

From my (limited) experience in court, I'd do whatever it takes to find the money for a good lawyer. It can really make all the difference. I think there are good lawyers and crappy lawyers- kind of like any other profession.

The money spent on a good lawyer may be made up for by what you gain in getting a better divorce agreement.