An alcoholic vs. a person who keeps it at 1 or 2 drinks
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 14
An alcoholic vs. a person who keeps it at 1 or 2 drinks
I posted yesterday on Day 1 of my sobriety (glad to say I'm on day 2!) and received many insightful and helpful replies. Thanks to all!
Sasha4 posted the following reply, and I would like to elaborate more on what a great observation this is:
"The other thing I did learn as well though was that there are normal drinkers out there, some of them drink very little and can have 1 or 2 drinks then stop.
My first christmas party sober?
Wow not everyone gets blackout drunk to celebrate Santa coming!
I really did see how I was probably the most drunken person at events in the past and how bad it must have been me staggering around incoherent and others singing Christmas carols and admiring how beautiful white christmas flower displays can be or discussing the best indoor decorative lights to stop your house burning to the ground if you forget to turn them off."
Spot on! I think it is really helpful to put things in that light.
I live within walking distance of a ton of restaurants, shopping, etc., and my local supermarket is literally across the street. Not since my younger days many years ago have I drove drunk, as I have made it an adamant point not to while I was drinking. I refused to drive even after more than 2 beers, and I never slipped with that. In hindsight, I am glad I made that decision.
I mention that to help add to and illustrate the point from Sasha4 above.
Since I could walk or take the bus pretty much anywhere to do anything, I went out and did the most mundane tasks while drunk. I also really tried to monitor myself and tried never to appear or act drunk, even though I really was, so I would many times just do a full round of grocery shopping while drunk. I would go buy fruits, vegetables, cereal, chicken, deodorant, toothpaste, etc. - all the regular stuff "normal" people buy when they go shopping (aside from the additional couple of six packs of strong beer and maybe a handle of Southern Comfort), and just wheel my cart down the aisle after I had been drinking for the last 8 hours, roll up to the checkout lane, and make the regular little chit chat like anyone else, but all-the-while reeking of Southern Comfort and beer. They would bag all my items in my sturdy cloth grocery bags, so I could carry everything back home across the street...
I'm sure that I would usually be the only person in that very busy store who was shopping for groceries at the time who was totally drunk, and although I would be very polite and courteous to the check-out people, I'm sure they could smell the strong smell of alcohol, see the glazed, bloodshot eyes, hear the slurred speech, and really probably thought - man, this guy's got a problem. Why in the hell does he come in here all the time to shop while he's drunk.
But I thought it was normal for me, and that's just what some people did.
I guess since I was quite drunk or at least quite buzzed pretty much most of the time outside of while at work, it was pretty much "my" normal state.
But like you say Sasha4, that's in reality not the majority of "normal" people's regular state. I can sniff out the smell of alcohol on a person like a dog, and rarely do I ever encounter someone out and about who appears really drunk.
Even at bars, I could usually sense just by observation that I was probably one of the drunkest people there. Although I would try to leave just before I was one drink away from a blackout and then have those last "blackout drinks" when I got home, on many occasions, I would hate it when I would blackout at the bar, walk the 15-minute walk home, and not remember one thing.
"Normal" drinkers just don't do that. They have a couple drinks with their buddies while watching the game and call it a night. Me, I would do shots and/or drink a few beers before the bar, then get there and start ordering 10% alcohol Imperial Stouts, Trippels, etc. and then never call it a night until I got back home, have that last couple of beers or shots in blackout oblivion, pass out on the couch with my daytime clothes on, all the lights and TV on, and half-eaten snacks and crumbs all over the floor and coffee table...
Then, if it was a day I didn't have to work, I would wake up after some hours of horribly un-restful sleep, and then crack open another beer and start getting drunk all over again, and try to maintain a so-called "normal" life and semi-productivity.
And I thought that was all "fun"! What a crock that is when I look at it through unabashed eyes. That's not f--king normal, that's f--king insanity.
So, just like the quote above infers, even though my affinity for alcohol may try to convince me otherwise, "not everyone gets blackout drunk to celebrate Santa coming"...
...or gets blackout drunk to go grocery shopping, or does their taxes (yes, I've done that drunk), or mows the lawn, or tries to live somewhat of a resemblance of a functional, fulfilled life, or even goes to the friggin' bar to hang out blackout drunk.
Not everyone, or even a majority of people does these things! So why do I think it's normal?
Because of an alcoholic affinity for drink. I hung on to a sense of painting this picture of my outward self being so put together, despite how drunk I was or in despair I was on the inside. I tried to keep my life together as much as I could and seem responsible. I tried desperately to come across just like a normal person and stay as functional in my life as possible. During my first go around of drinking when I was much younger, I did not stay nearly as functional, and I didn't want to repeat that. So even though I drank boatloads of alcohol this time around, I thought I could master it and still be a highly-functioning member of society.
Just ask me how highly functioning I felt every Sunday morning for the last three years after my Friday and Saturday non-stop binge...
I know my posts can get long, but this is therapeutic! Even though on Day 2 I have resolved to stay sober, of course the craving to drink is strong, so reminding myself of what a sorry, pathetic state it is to be passed out on the couch like I mentioned above really helps me stave off this stupid voice that paints that ever-so-rosy picture of that bottle of beer.
I look forward to posting tomorrow after Day 3 of being sober...
Thank you again everyone for creating such a welcoming and supportive forum to share these things. Off to bed now...
Sasha4 posted the following reply, and I would like to elaborate more on what a great observation this is:
"The other thing I did learn as well though was that there are normal drinkers out there, some of them drink very little and can have 1 or 2 drinks then stop.
My first christmas party sober?
Wow not everyone gets blackout drunk to celebrate Santa coming!
I really did see how I was probably the most drunken person at events in the past and how bad it must have been me staggering around incoherent and others singing Christmas carols and admiring how beautiful white christmas flower displays can be or discussing the best indoor decorative lights to stop your house burning to the ground if you forget to turn them off."
Spot on! I think it is really helpful to put things in that light.
I live within walking distance of a ton of restaurants, shopping, etc., and my local supermarket is literally across the street. Not since my younger days many years ago have I drove drunk, as I have made it an adamant point not to while I was drinking. I refused to drive even after more than 2 beers, and I never slipped with that. In hindsight, I am glad I made that decision.
I mention that to help add to and illustrate the point from Sasha4 above.
Since I could walk or take the bus pretty much anywhere to do anything, I went out and did the most mundane tasks while drunk. I also really tried to monitor myself and tried never to appear or act drunk, even though I really was, so I would many times just do a full round of grocery shopping while drunk. I would go buy fruits, vegetables, cereal, chicken, deodorant, toothpaste, etc. - all the regular stuff "normal" people buy when they go shopping (aside from the additional couple of six packs of strong beer and maybe a handle of Southern Comfort), and just wheel my cart down the aisle after I had been drinking for the last 8 hours, roll up to the checkout lane, and make the regular little chit chat like anyone else, but all-the-while reeking of Southern Comfort and beer. They would bag all my items in my sturdy cloth grocery bags, so I could carry everything back home across the street...
I'm sure that I would usually be the only person in that very busy store who was shopping for groceries at the time who was totally drunk, and although I would be very polite and courteous to the check-out people, I'm sure they could smell the strong smell of alcohol, see the glazed, bloodshot eyes, hear the slurred speech, and really probably thought - man, this guy's got a problem. Why in the hell does he come in here all the time to shop while he's drunk.
But I thought it was normal for me, and that's just what some people did.
I guess since I was quite drunk or at least quite buzzed pretty much most of the time outside of while at work, it was pretty much "my" normal state.
But like you say Sasha4, that's in reality not the majority of "normal" people's regular state. I can sniff out the smell of alcohol on a person like a dog, and rarely do I ever encounter someone out and about who appears really drunk.
Even at bars, I could usually sense just by observation that I was probably one of the drunkest people there. Although I would try to leave just before I was one drink away from a blackout and then have those last "blackout drinks" when I got home, on many occasions, I would hate it when I would blackout at the bar, walk the 15-minute walk home, and not remember one thing.
"Normal" drinkers just don't do that. They have a couple drinks with their buddies while watching the game and call it a night. Me, I would do shots and/or drink a few beers before the bar, then get there and start ordering 10% alcohol Imperial Stouts, Trippels, etc. and then never call it a night until I got back home, have that last couple of beers or shots in blackout oblivion, pass out on the couch with my daytime clothes on, all the lights and TV on, and half-eaten snacks and crumbs all over the floor and coffee table...
Then, if it was a day I didn't have to work, I would wake up after some hours of horribly un-restful sleep, and then crack open another beer and start getting drunk all over again, and try to maintain a so-called "normal" life and semi-productivity.
And I thought that was all "fun"! What a crock that is when I look at it through unabashed eyes. That's not f--king normal, that's f--king insanity.
So, just like the quote above infers, even though my affinity for alcohol may try to convince me otherwise, "not everyone gets blackout drunk to celebrate Santa coming"...
...or gets blackout drunk to go grocery shopping, or does their taxes (yes, I've done that drunk), or mows the lawn, or tries to live somewhat of a resemblance of a functional, fulfilled life, or even goes to the friggin' bar to hang out blackout drunk.
Not everyone, or even a majority of people does these things! So why do I think it's normal?
Because of an alcoholic affinity for drink. I hung on to a sense of painting this picture of my outward self being so put together, despite how drunk I was or in despair I was on the inside. I tried to keep my life together as much as I could and seem responsible. I tried desperately to come across just like a normal person and stay as functional in my life as possible. During my first go around of drinking when I was much younger, I did not stay nearly as functional, and I didn't want to repeat that. So even though I drank boatloads of alcohol this time around, I thought I could master it and still be a highly-functioning member of society.
Just ask me how highly functioning I felt every Sunday morning for the last three years after my Friday and Saturday non-stop binge...
I know my posts can get long, but this is therapeutic! Even though on Day 2 I have resolved to stay sober, of course the craving to drink is strong, so reminding myself of what a sorry, pathetic state it is to be passed out on the couch like I mentioned above really helps me stave off this stupid voice that paints that ever-so-rosy picture of that bottle of beer.
I look forward to posting tomorrow after Day 3 of being sober...
Thank you again everyone for creating such a welcoming and supportive forum to share these things. Off to bed now...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Great post. Makes me sad to think that was me for sooo long up until just a week ago. I remember the drunk grocery shopping I would plan just so I could buy the alcohol without looking like an alcoholic...the night caps at home alone after the bars with friends and waking up on the couch or floor in yesterdays clothes...with all the lights on and tv or music still playing...reaching down for the half drunk beer I didn't finish because I blacked out first thing upon waking...
Then the panic as I reach for my phone thinking oh god who did I text this time and what did I say. ...
wow.. well said sublimea. No it's not normal, ultimately it's the fast track to death
Then the panic as I reach for my phone thinking oh god who did I text this time and what did I say. ...
wow.. well said sublimea. No it's not normal, ultimately it's the fast track to death
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Thanks for your post. I actually think there are many less "normal drinkers" out there than we think. Holding it together by a Xmas tree is not so hard. I used to drink sensibly in public all the time. I'd even stay sober and drive everyone home. I just would rip into the wine when I got home. I feel very normal. It's not so easy as US and THEM in my view.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Olathe
Posts: 200
"The other thing I did learn as well though was that there are normal drinkers out there, some of them drink very little and can have 1 or 2 drinks then stop."
I would be careful with this thinking. I moderated like this for many months and I was miserable the whole time, and it eventually led back to full binge drinking. The only thing that "normal" drinkers are doing is walking a tightrope with no safety net. We shouldn't look up to or admire "normal" drinkers, and I do believe there are far less of them than we may believe.
I would be careful with this thinking. I moderated like this for many months and I was miserable the whole time, and it eventually led back to full binge drinking. The only thing that "normal" drinkers are doing is walking a tightrope with no safety net. We shouldn't look up to or admire "normal" drinkers, and I do believe there are far less of them than we may believe.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 26
I used to be a normal drinker too many years ago--I bet we all were. Something went wrong along the way and 1-2 drinks over the weekend eventually lead to a bottle of wine a night, which I rationalized as normal still since I didn't feel drunk-and only drank at home not in public. I thought alcoholics were the ones who stumbled around in bars, yelling and out of control. I never thought to label myself as one until I finally realized I had passed out in bed twice this week, with the lights on, in my clothes and wrote emails that I never remember writing (thankfully they were nice and coherent but work emails all the same). So I'm ready for day 2 and have appreciated reading your posts and realizing that most of you are just like me.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 10
Thank you for this post. I am a 38-year-old mom of three. Two weeks sober today. It is encouraging to read that other people are going through the exact same scenario as me. I also attempted to function normally and grocery shop while drunk. I even drove my kids drunk towards the end. My husband was nearly to the point of suicide because of my behavior, but knew he had to stick around for the kids. One thing I noticed, is that you are a very intelligent person and everyone here is quite intelligent. I think there is a stereotype that drunks do not contribute to society, but I hold a professional job and still managed to make it, although I could see myself getting very close to being found out. Especially when I started to stay home instead of go to work and when I would stop and get a drink at the gas station while I was working. I'm still trying to get familiar with the site, but I sure appreciate your post because it helps me so much. Good luck to you and your recovery. I have no doubt we can do this!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 65
Great post. And do not worry about the length. Just as it is therapeutic for you, it is for some of us too, as we think, "that's me" and with that, "my exceptionalism is not so exceptional."
And why is it I'm always the last one to leave the party?
And why is it I'm always the last one to leave the party?
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
this morning I clicked "join" on a facebook event for a friend's benefit / birthday gathering. It is being held at a local brewpub. The brewpub also serves root beer and I've been there a few times in sobriety for other events and had root beer and all good, no problem.
But this morning, as I clicked on "join" the thought popped up, somewhat angrily, "why CAN'T I just go there and have a beer with my friends? Hell, it's just a beer. I have had a beer before without it being any issue...."
Sulking with that thought a bit, I absent-mindedly clicked over to SR and I read your post.
I've done that exact shopping thing as you. I've mowed the lawn, gone to the store, gone to the post office, went to lunch, cleaned the house, done all sorts of everyday things half or completely drunk.
THAT's why I can't go to the brewpub and have "a beer". Because I don't do any of those things (and unlike you, I DID drive all too often....) when I'm not drinking at all. But when I allow "a beer" - the history of my life's relationship with alcohol shows that I will wind up doing that sort of stuff.
Anyway, thank you for that post. I saw a LOT of me in it that I'm frequently still unwilling to acknowledge about myself.
You've helped me stay sober today.
But this morning, as I clicked on "join" the thought popped up, somewhat angrily, "why CAN'T I just go there and have a beer with my friends? Hell, it's just a beer. I have had a beer before without it being any issue...."
Sulking with that thought a bit, I absent-mindedly clicked over to SR and I read your post.
I've done that exact shopping thing as you. I've mowed the lawn, gone to the store, gone to the post office, went to lunch, cleaned the house, done all sorts of everyday things half or completely drunk.
THAT's why I can't go to the brewpub and have "a beer". Because I don't do any of those things (and unlike you, I DID drive all too often....) when I'm not drinking at all. But when I allow "a beer" - the history of my life's relationship with alcohol shows that I will wind up doing that sort of stuff.
Anyway, thank you for that post. I saw a LOT of me in it that I'm frequently still unwilling to acknowledge about myself.
You've helped me stay sober today.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Michigan, USA
Posts: 392
Thanks for the inspiring post!
Ugh yes. Grocery shopping while drunk. And the next day waking up and having only the vaguest memory of even being at the grocery store. Driving drunk. Going to meetings with my child's teacher while drunk. Going to church drunk. Bible studies - drunk. And I thought I needed it because my anxiety was so bad. In reality, it made my anxiety worse in the long run and turned me into an alcoholic. Oh, how I miss being able to down a few shots of vodka and turn into a confident person. But I don't miss the fact that I was slowly killing myself and destroying my family.
I'm happy to be on Day 5 of my sobriety.
Ugh yes. Grocery shopping while drunk. And the next day waking up and having only the vaguest memory of even being at the grocery store. Driving drunk. Going to meetings with my child's teacher while drunk. Going to church drunk. Bible studies - drunk. And I thought I needed it because my anxiety was so bad. In reality, it made my anxiety worse in the long run and turned me into an alcoholic. Oh, how I miss being able to down a few shots of vodka and turn into a confident person. But I don't miss the fact that I was slowly killing myself and destroying my family.
I'm happy to be on Day 5 of my sobriety.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Brilliant post
What you described was me for many years. The chronic alcoholic desperately trying to moderate and 'fit in', holding it together and breaking under the constant pressure. It was like going into battle every single day to drink and appear 'normal'.
When i gave up the fight and collapsed into 'don't care who knows' alcoholic drinking, the fall was long and further dow than i ever believed was possible....
I survived but only just.
Be safe and i wish you well on your recovery journey.
G
What you described was me for many years. The chronic alcoholic desperately trying to moderate and 'fit in', holding it together and breaking under the constant pressure. It was like going into battle every single day to drink and appear 'normal'.
When i gave up the fight and collapsed into 'don't care who knows' alcoholic drinking, the fall was long and further dow than i ever believed was possible....
I survived but only just.
Be safe and i wish you well on your recovery journey.
G
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