CScott

Well, after enough lurking on these forums, and struggling with my battle with alcohol by myself for too long, I've decided to reach out and seek support. Currently working on (and finishing soon) day 3. I feel like I've had trouble controlling my decision to drink or not. I don't like it, and I know it's taken a toll on my health, physical and mental.

I've done some pretty stupid stuff when drunk. I've learned (and continue to learn) to forgive myself for many of them. Nowadays, it feels I drink more to suppress some of the negative messages in my head about myself. I think I got more heavily into drinking as a means to cope with the ending of a pretty significant relationship in my life. My confidence took a big hit. I drank a bit before that, but I felt more in control. This relationship ended awhile ago, and while I have worked through many of the issues I had with it, I think I picked up the habit of constant drinking as a method of muting my low self conifidence.

I was able to moderate in the past. Went through a rough patch one summer about 10 years ago, but slowed down significantly for the next 4. I was hardly ever drunk during that time. The next few years it was mostly weekends, but I would get pretty bad those times.

I've read a lot of stories here. Some resonate with me and I think "that's exactly how I felt!" Some don't so much. I'm hoping by getting support during my harder times, like when the cravings hit the most. I also hope to be able to provide some support for others.

Hawk07

Welcome CScott!
Congrats on 3 days! I can identify with the end of a significant relationship being a major spark for my drinking (years ago). Glad to have you aboard.

ktwsober

Welcome and good luck. My story is a bit similar, I had a ton of "Negative Thoughts" in my head and drank to suppress them. There are a number of good books/articles on the subject. Just goggle negative thoughts.

hayley86

Welcome CScott, congrats on day 3. You'll find lots of support here. Glad you have joined us.

Dee74

Welcome aboard Cscott

D

Verte

Welcome to posting on the forum CScott!

This is a huge step for you no doubt and huge support for wherever you may find yourself at any given moment.

I felt an enormous sense of relief when I left the bottle on the battlefield and was done with the whole discussion. Day 20-ish for me and going strong.

Stay strong. We are all here together.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! Great to have you onboard!!

CScott

Thanks for the warm welcomes! I really appreciate it. Made it through day 4, had a rough patch of cravings at my usual drinking starting time (around 6ish, on my way home from work). But, I made it

pupkin

Welcome CScott, and congrats on beating the Day 4 urge. Here's to Day 5. I like how you said not that you were having trouble controlling your drinking but rather that you you're having trouble controlling the decision to drink or not. That's a really insightful sentence and the real crux of everything in my opinion. I'm uncomfortable with "powerless over alcohol" thinking, even though it describes me. I believe that I'm only powerless over alcohol if I'm drinking it. But I'm in control of my decision to unplug the jug (even though it doesn't feel like it some days).

Keep focusing on that decision. And keep checking in here. And again, congrats. Day 5 is yours!

tim68

There is some great support here. Glad to have you!

SonomaGal

I too drank to feel better about myself, life, relationships, but then ended up with realizing this "solution" was creating much bigger problems in all these areas. Once I got that message, I finally saw that it's much easier to quit than to try (and fail) at moderation. Good for you for making this positive change! Getting sober will give you the space and time to work on yourself. Keep reaching out, support is very important in the early days (and in the ongoing).