uncaged

My significant other has been doing well for about 2 months being abstinent from smoking oxys and taking other opiates. He has seemed in high spirits, keeping busy with work around the house and we have had no major arguments ect.. We have actually been having fun as a couple again and although I have had to set strict boundaries he has been trying really hard to earn his trust back.He also has passed random UAs with the last one being two weeks ago. The part he keeps skipping though is following through with any type of support or treatment program. He complains of pain in his elbow and shoulder daily and I do feel he has legitimate pain but he has been to the doctor and has taken no narcotics for it but they have given him a steroid shot. Sometimes I hate the fact that I feel like a probation office or a mom instead of his girlfriend. I have had to set rules for our home in order for him to live here. Mainly be where your supposed to be, no lying, no pain pill of any sort,random UAs and no tolerance for contact with old drug friends( there his dealers not friends because they could actually give a crap less about his well being). At this point he has no phone and can't drive because he has smashed 3 vehicles in his using and is now on a breathing device at home for his last DUI. He makes sure he is always home when its time to do the breathalizer test 4x daily and never misses one to avoid jail. I still walk on eggshells that he will relapse and the destruction and lying will continue so I take precautions such as always knowing exactly how much money I have and credit cards with me ect.. as he has stolen so much in the past. This is no fun way to live but I am in recovery from a meth addiction(5 years clean) and so I have tried to be understanding and supportive and let him return to our house. There have been no relapse warning signs. Until tonight.
Two weeks ago he came home unusually late at midnight and slept on the couch so I thought he was gone all night and lost sleep all night and was very upset as I thought the nightmare was starting again. He explained in the morning that he was watching a game at a friend(one that I think is a positive friend) and it got late. Well, I let it slide because I was happy he was home and didn't want to accuse him although my gut told me something was odd. He got a job this week and h as been working three days roofing so far. He comes home very dirty and tired around 6 or 7 and wants to go to bed very early. ( when he was using he would make up fake jobs to be gone all day high). So tonight I get home from my night class at 9pm and he isn't home, the truck is gone, and he has missed his breathalizer tests. It is now 11:30 and no sign of him. I already know what's happening. He disappears when he uses. He would only miss them if he was in jail, the hospital, or got a case of the f*** its and used. I'm worried and angry and sick to my stomach that he is driving so I drove over to his friends to ask if he had seen him and he told me that he was not with him 2 weeks ago until late and that he told his friend to lie for him if I was to ask him. That's all I needed. I have to do it this time. I have to pack his stuff and bring it to his families house. Every time this happens I don't follow through and he comes back and this cycle starts over and over again. I have bent over backwards and I'm drained. The thing with him is he changes overnight on this drug. Robbing people, crashing cars, and has woke up in the hospital and jail with no recollection of driving and endangering others. Sorry for writing a book.

carlingford

sorry for you uncaged, I think you need to look after yourself and move on, that's the only advice I can give, you need this like a hole in the head!!! I am not qualified enough to give any more advice to you, so sorry for you..

chicory

Hello Uncaged.

wow, you have invested a lot of time in his recovery. He has shown you what he wants more than recovery, it seems.

I am sorry. Be strong. Take care of you-

FeelingGreat

Hi uncaged, gut instinct is always right isn't it. You must feel devastated. Stay strong, you know what you have to do.

Thinking of you....

uncaged

yes, gut instinct is always right. He showed up the next morning in the truck I
own completely wasted and had the nerve once again to think he is going to use our home as a place to sleep after another binge. Well, I finally got a back bone. Told him he isn't allowed at our house, took the car keys back, and had all my door locks changed. I gave him once again the phone number to get an assessment done for treatment if he decides to and that's when the suicidal threats began. (Saying he's about to walk into moving cars) So I remained calm and called the police as he only does this when I won't let him back in. Well this shocked him and he went running away down alleys and they never found him. He went to his moms house and he's made several calls to me since and I have answered but not argued just remained firm and matter of fact about the situation. Surprisingly, it feels different this time. No tears and I don't feel its all about him right now and my house feels lonely but oh so peaceful.

Live

You are handling it like a superstar!
Make sure you take extra kind and gentle care of you, this isn't easy, I know.

anykey

I have a job for you. I would like you to achieve this before Monday.

I would like you to so something special- just for you. Something unusual-- unexpected- a forgotten pleasure or dream. If you want- add in a twist of a random act of kindness with another human.

I look forward to hearing your progress.

uncaged

Thankyou, I am trying really hard.

uncaged

Thankyou for the great idea! I will absolutely do this. Some "me time" would be great I have been the caretaker for soooo long.

KeepinItReal

The way you have been living - I can some-what relate to.
I have been through the cycles.
I learned that drug tests - monitoring - controlling friends or medicine - is going to cause resentment for you. Yes - he will resent you for doing this... and it will backfire and hurt the relationship more. I get why!! We all have done it!!!! But, there's no point. It doesn't change anything. The facts are the facts. He's using, and he's a danger to society.
I called the police on my RAH last august and he got locked up.. thankfully!!!
Just wishing you good thoughts.
NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. Everything you have done to help him was kind and well thought out!! We have all tried to help and love our addict clean. LIke, "if only - I do this" Yeah... it doesn't work.
Rehab works. We are not meant to be professionals to help them. Only to love them. If love cured addiction there would not be any forum for friends and family.

story74

Hang in there and stay strong

bellanoviella

Be kind to yourself. Times like this take a lot out on you... Make sure you don't neglect yourself. But I know all too well it is hard, especially when the one you love is not himself.. Makes you want to dig in to him and rip him out right?!

Sending good vibes your way.

hopeful4

I am so sorry, but I think you are right and realizing what you have to do...for you.

When your instincts are talking to us, it's our job to listen.

XXX