Negativity
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Negativity
I am struggling today. I know that alcohol is not going to solve anything, but I am so fed up with the negativity around me that I want to say "screw it!" and just give up.
My husband is a very negative and pessimistic person. He might be depressed, or just plain bitter and resentful at life.
He always sees the glass half empty...actually not only the glass is empty but it's a piece of crap plastic cup that leaks everywhere AND is totally empty...
Yes, it's that bad being around him.
I am trying to stay positive, to be grateful, to see the good in every situation. If you only focus on what is bad, on what you lack...you end up running to the liquor store...we've all been there
I just don't know how to deal with him anymore. I've been trying to avoid him when he starts the neverending whining conversations...they're actually monologues, I try not to get involved, I try to change the subject, or I just simply remember the laundry is ready
But at the end of the day I end up being depressed and miserable...and wanting to drink really bad.
Sorry about the rant
My husband is a very negative and pessimistic person. He might be depressed, or just plain bitter and resentful at life.
He always sees the glass half empty...actually not only the glass is empty but it's a piece of crap plastic cup that leaks everywhere AND is totally empty...
Yes, it's that bad being around him.
I am trying to stay positive, to be grateful, to see the good in every situation. If you only focus on what is bad, on what you lack...you end up running to the liquor store...we've all been there
I just don't know how to deal with him anymore. I've been trying to avoid him when he starts the neverending whining conversations...they're actually monologues, I try not to get involved, I try to change the subject, or I just simply remember the laundry is ready
But at the end of the day I end up being depressed and miserable...and wanting to drink really bad.
Sorry about the rant
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
(((((((((patricia)))))))))
Do not give up, Patricia.
Do not drink alcohol. Do not drink even one glass of anything.
Drinking is not an option. Take it off the table.
I'm up late here in the East Coast so my posts always sound slumberous to me at this time of night.
It sounds as if some new boundaries might need to be made in your life? Forgive me if I am 'off' in suggesting this. Maybe, when you feel your anxiety rising you can be forthright and give him a time limit for complaints? Say, 5 minutes?
Nonetheless, good job venting. Drinking will not make your shared airspace a better place to live. Do not drink to tolerate something intolerable.
Communication is a better option. Address the negativity any way you can, except by drinking. Again, try to make your space a better place to be.
Do not give up, Patricia.
Do not drink alcohol. Do not drink even one glass of anything.
Drinking is not an option. Take it off the table.
I'm up late here in the East Coast so my posts always sound slumberous to me at this time of night.
It sounds as if some new boundaries might need to be made in your life? Forgive me if I am 'off' in suggesting this. Maybe, when you feel your anxiety rising you can be forthright and give him a time limit for complaints? Say, 5 minutes?
Nonetheless, good job venting. Drinking will not make your shared airspace a better place to live. Do not drink to tolerate something intolerable.
Communication is a better option. Address the negativity any way you can, except by drinking. Again, try to make your space a better place to be.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 38
Do you love him? If so, maybe you can sit down and gently point out to him that he's very negative, and you'd like to help him become more positive, and explain that his negativity is hurting you. It's worth a shot. I know I'd appreciate that if I was married and driving my wife nuts.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 202
The psychologist John Gottman (search amazon for his books--he has a TON) has lots of research showing that in happy marriages, there is a 5:1 ratio of positive statements/complements to negative ones/criticisms.
My husband is naturally more negative and I feel the same way you do. Educating him about the 5:1 ratio has helped and whenever he's "slipping" into old patterns I try to remind him.
My husband is naturally more negative and I feel the same way you do. Educating him about the 5:1 ratio has helped and whenever he's "slipping" into old patterns I try to remind him.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 154
Don't let your husband derail you. His moods and unhappiness belong to him and not to you. You are not responsible for his feelings. He is. And if he wants to spend his life being negative, that's his choice. It does not have to be your choice. It's OK to emotionally detach from his negativity and anger and still love him. I think your strategy of remembering the laundry is done is a good one. You could also remember that you need to pick something up at the grocery store or library, or that you need to shave your legs or do your nails or something that keeps you locked in the bathroom by yourself. Hang in there.
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