GentleSoul

Hi all
I have tried to get sober quite a few times. I Have a fantastic husband who honestly loves me and I do not want to lose. Despite my alcoholism we seem to have a decent and true love for each other. He does not seem to be dependent on alcohol the way I am. I would like to go to an AA meeting but I'm scared. But I do not want to admit to him I'm going because he does not seem to think I'm "that far gone ". I don't want things to get worse that's why I want to go to a meeting I don't want to lose all of the good things I still have. I have mentioned to him before about how I know I have a problem but he just helps me out of it then Downplays how sick I really am.

And then later I do as well. Cycle happens again. just think he will downplay everything and say I'm ok when really I'm not he does not think I "need AA". We have been through this so many times. I'm so scared to go because of my marriage but also my job. What if someone through work finds out. My reputation or professionalism may be at stakes. Please help me

ontherightpath

Your reputation for professionalism is on the line if you continue to drink. Recovery is a better place than active addiction. I have allowed my husbands opinion of aa get in my way, and it got me drunk, full of shame, guilt and remorse, binge after binge. I'm in recovery today for me. Not my husband. Not my kids. Not my job. For my own health, physical and mental. One day at a time.


And I should add, I was scared at first too, but I have never in my life encountered other people who get me, like my fellow aa friends, ahem family! Walking into those rooms was extremely scary, but it's right where I needed to be

Coldfusion

Hi Gentlesoul!

The folks in the rooms of AA are all in the same situation you are, so anonymity is very important. Sometimes, a lot of the program work can be done with a sponsor, a person who is your same gender and you can meet any place and time that's convenient.

Goldcoastgirl

Hi GentleSoul, and welcome. It is a scary time and I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband doesn't drink like I do and is very supportive but doesn't understand the turmoil and pain going on inside me.

Why don't you speak to your doctor and see if there is someone you can get referred to talk about your addiction. I have a wonderful lady psychologist who can I be so open and honest with and it really does help to talk to someone outside of home about it. I feel like you are exactly where I am too so hang in there, this is a great place to be with lots of support. Let us know how you go. x

HealthFirst

I told my wife I'm going to "meetings" and the topic is not always alcohol. That we talk about how being sober has helped their careers, families, etc. I didn't want to say "Alcoholics Anonymous" to her because I remember having this image of people in there that weren't like me. It turns out, people are just like me at the locations I've decided to go to - but I still don't call it AA (to her). I go to "meetings"

hardhearts

I am not married but most of my family and close friends don't understand why I'm in AA. Many of us alcoholics know how to hide our issues and that was the point - only now it backfires because we have people convinced we're fine! It took some talking about what alcohol was doing to me mentally and some undoing of various lies to get my friends especially to begin to understand why I was doing this. At the end of the day, if they don't support my recovery that's their issue. You can also just say you're going to a support group or a study or a movie or something and give it a fair shot. That's what I did at first.

There is no "that far gone". If you're done, you're done. And you have to be done for you.

Best of luck x

adee

I actually lied to my husband the first few times I went. I put on what seemed like yoga clothes and took my never used impulse buy yoga mat with me. I was annoyed and ashamed that even in recovery I was still lying, but I wasn't ready for "the conversation" and I knew in my heart I was going to drink again if I stayed the path I was going.

Best decision I ever made. I told him when I was ready. Being brave enough to go to meetings made me brave enough to tell him the truth. He didn't fully understand because they never do, but he supported me. I felt the most enormous freedom after I came clean. It's something I wish for anyone who is sick to death of hiding and pretending to be ok. That lie kills.

My opinion: it doesn't matter how you get there, just get there.

GentleSoul

I am in tears. I am not sober. Yet I am amazed at the support you have all given me right now. I have to get help. I will get help. I am going to go to AA tomorrow At 630pm. I will write back. I am so thankful for this support. I am going to do this.

adee

Please do write back, gentlesoul. Best to you.

ontherightpath

Get some rest tonight. Good luck tomorrow! Keep us posted! We are always here!

GentleSoul

Stayed home from work. Can't leave bed for long before feeling overwhelmed. Hoping I can still muster up courage to go to AA.

Goldcoastgirl

I know it is overwhelming and couldn't believe I actually mustered up the courage to go myself but the people there were so kind and welcoming and could see how nervous I was. Why not just give it a try. Just hop out of bed, have a shower and sit and do some gentle deep breathing. Just try to calm yourself. You can do this x

Mentium

One of the so called 'traditions' of AA says that the only requirement to be a member is the desire to stop drinking. You don't have to admit you are an alcoholic if you aren't comfortable with the notion. Many people are very nervous, understandably before their first meeting and have all sorts of preconceptions. Personally I have found the meetings I go to, warm and friendly, very welcoming and not full of the raving drunks my imagination had anticipated before I first went!

I'm not a typical member by any means. I don't have a belief in god and the Steps, though helpful aren't really a program that makes much sense to me (personally). Nobody hassles me about those issues, but I get a huge boost just from listening to people and sharing my thoughts and experience - and again - no pressure to do that!

You could just say you are going to a 'support group' if that helps. But really, once you have been I am sure your mind will be put to rest.

WanderingBear

I think sometimes husbands/wives/significant others want to downplay their partner's addictions because they selfishly don't want to lose them as a drinking/party buddy. They may or may not have a problem of their own, but they are on a different path/timeframe. A friend of mine's parents divorced because the mom quit drinking but the dad didn't support it, and refused to stop himself.

I wish you luck.

GentleSoul

Ok I made it to the church where the meeting is held. Keep sitting out in hall just start crying every time I try to go in. I'm out for a walk now. I listened outside for quite some time. I'm so scared of what may happen if I go in. What if I know people? I hate crying in public. Harder than I thought.

GentleSoul

The thing that surprised me is all the laughter and voices. It seems like more people in there than I thought. I live in a fairly small city.

tomsteve

what will happen if you know people? they will probably be very glad to see you there.
walkin intot hat 1st meeting was extremely hard for me. then all i could say was "im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it anymore" and started ballin. i didn't have to say anything else. them folks knew right where i was and were very helpful.
ive been gouin back ever since and cnan be one of them ones laughin and hving a great time carrying the message to the still sick nd suffering alcoholic.

do yerslef a huge favor and get some courage. them doors will be the hardest ones to walk through. it WILL get easier after that

sorry bout the typos. no autocorrect here..

least

The people are there to help newcomers like yourself. Muster up the courage to go in. They won't bite. They are there to help you get sober.

Jill23

I was scared at my first meeting 30 days ago and today I'm 30 days sober. I was surprised at the outpouring of support and caring. Everybody there had been where I was at that moment. Everyone in there has had a first meeting. I went in because what would happen if I didn't was so much worse than anything that would have happened when I did. I was drowning in my addiction and they tossed me a life preserver. AA may not be for everybody, but it is working for me. As for your husband, mine was the same way for a while until my drinking got way out of hand and then he was supportive. I wish I hadn't let it get so bad that my husband had to suggest that I go to meetings.
I hope all the best for you, GentleSoul. Do wants right for you and it will all work out.

heath480

Please don't be scared to go in to the meeting Gentlesoul.If you don't make it today,call the local helpline number and ask if they know someone who can take you to your first meeting,or to meet you outside.