mejo

I have been doing good. Living at my moms for the time being with my two kids.

However, my "RAH" is extremely moody. We went out of town Saturday and we had the best day we have had in months. I miss that. But then yesterday we went to church and afterwards he was so angry and grouchy. Especially after I saw he is still in contact with his DD, who works with him and called him on it (he promised he would not talk to him anymore two days before). I know, I just said promised while speaking about an addict. Anyway, today he txt me and was mean again! I don't know why I am surprised. I just keep praying he will do something to put our family back together. Silly of me to hope. So, I will just keep working on me and my recovery, but that is always easier said than done especially when you still love that person with all of your heart. ♡

Lara

Hey Mejo - yes much easier said than done. But it seems as though you have a strong faith. My partner is addicted to cocaine - and after almost two years of blissful peace - he relapsed - and I have not heard a word from him in over 3 weeks - and this was totally out of the blue - so you can imagine my world seemed to fall around me - but luckily my faith has really deepened these past months - and helped me so so much - to trust that Christ is with me - and with my darling addicted partner - Christ is with you and your husband - so trust - and let go - pray - you WILL be okay!!!! Don't try to connect or think about your husband as a normal person - with normal feelings - you will just be disappointed and devastated and heart broken. An active addict is the MOST selfish, cruel person on earth!!! Even though they don't intend to hurt us directly - but the nature of the disease they hurt everyone close to them.... so you have to step back. Step away if possible. Put up firm boundaries. You don't have to accept his cruelty / rudeness/ lack of emotion / lack of love - you really don't. Stick to your boundaries - and start to focus on YOU. Do something every day for YOU. Try to stop allowing him to remove the good energy in the room. Don't allow his moods to dictate. Don't expect Anything from him - he is not capable of keeping a promise. Only rely on yourself. If he comes along and is in a good mood - great! But if he's not playing fair / grouchy etc - tell him to leave - or remove yourself!!! You will start to get better at it - trust me - you will start to more easily just rely on yourself - and trust yourself.... it all takes time as you have to 'unlearn' old behaviours. And pray!!! Read some of my older posts - read my recent one - 'cocaine relapse'. It might help a little. God Bless

chicory

Hi Mejo.

You sound happier, being at your moms with the children. Doing good. thats good to hear

You pray he will do something to put your family back together. I hope that happens, but maybe for now, you can let go, and let God do the work, so you can be happier, for today. because that's all we have , is this moment, and you and the children deserve the peace and happiness.

Sounds like he has a lot of work to do, but only he can make it happen. Don't put your happiness on hold for him.

hugs

FeelingGreat

Mejo, it is hard work changing your life to positive mode, but keep going because it does get better, just not overnight.

mejo

Thank you everyone. I got into the shower today and broke down. All of these fears flooded me. Knowing he is not working his program. Wondering if the last 9 years are going to be a waste. But then it stopped and now I am just sad, but going on with my day. This sucks! Alanon is tonight, so now I am looking forward to that. One day at a time. One emotion at a time.

hopeful4

Mejo....it's ok to let yourself go through the emoations, you will heal from them if you do. You are hurt, you have been lied to. It's ok to be mad and sad about it.

I have found when dealing with my XAH that I don't bank on anything. He may be really nice one second, a total jerk the next. I have learned this is his problem, not mine. I don't engage in it and the more he sees that the less the bad behavior is.

Hugs....

mejo

Thanks Hopeful. Its funny to me that I still am suprised when he projects. Preaching to me about my recovery or spirituality. I am angry with my HP right now. I feel abandoned, and I am not sure why. I got a sponsor last week. So happy about that. But I always know when I am stressed to the max when my stomach hurts. And that started this morning. Just feeling hopeless today, but that too will pass.

BlueBones

Hoping for easier times soon, it seems like you are definitely headed in that direction!

Good luck!