Hello :) I need to sort my drinking out...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 6
Hello :) I need to sort my drinking out...
Hello all 
I'm James from just outside London. I think I have a drink problem. In fact, I do have a drink problem. I may well be an alcoholic, I'm not entirely sure really, perhaps denial or not wanting to acknowledge it is part of what makes me unsure, I really don't know, but what I do know is that I drink way, way too much and it's just about reaching the point where I'm struggling to stop. It's always going to be on Monday, then next Monday, then next...you get the vibe
Anyway here's a little bit about my situation...
I'm 29 and married, I'm deeply in love with my wife and we've just had our first baby together, our daughter is eight weeks old and the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I haven't abused alcohol constantly, but I'd say for the last 8 years or so I've dipped in and out of phases of undoubtedly having 'too much'. Sometimes a phase might be weeks sometimes months, with varying periods of abstinence in between. But I'd always be finishing my pint first at the pub, always ending a night having had 2/3 more than most other people, drinking at home during the day when I've had days off or early days (not uncommon in my job, air conditioning engineer) etc. Often getting completely wasted for almost no reason. Either way, drinking pretty much every day.
Unfortunately, during the phases when I've been drinking much more sensibly or not at all, I've been going quite heavy at the weed. I gave that up completely when my wife feel pregnant, which probably opened a door for relative alcohol overdrive. Which happened, I started drinking lots again.
When my daughter was born I abstained quite comfortably without any real problem for a couple of weeks. I did go a bit mad on caffeine in that time though, maybe I have a bit of an all round addictive personality? Anyway soon enough I started having a couple of drinks again, and sooner enough after that I was back to having 'too much'. Two much might be a bottle of wine and a few beers, 4 or 5 half litre bottles of 9% cider etc. I reckon around 20ish units a day on a strong day (which is every day basically), give or take a few. I think I've always told myself I've stayed within "responsible" limits, as even that amount nowadays doesn't really make me drunk in the classic sense, I won't be slurring or stumbling or unbalanced and on the surface I'd carry out all my fatherly duties without any obvious problem. But I know the reality is different and of course I'm being irresponsible which makes me feel awful now I've written it down. My wife has long wanted me to stop or cut down but I somehow manage to get around it with "I'm not getting drunk, I just like a few to take the edge off". For the first time ever I've recently been hiding empties.
Unfortunately I'm kinda going through a bout of rotten depression and anxiety at the moment, and coupled with my alcohol problem I feel so so bad as this is really the happiest time of my life. I've suddenly become very paranoid of liver damage which isn't helping the anxiety lol.
Anyway sorry to have gone on so much, I just wanted to get it off my chest and I want to do something about it. There is a bit more to everything which I'll go into if people don't mind me continuing this essay tomorrow, but I best try get some shut eye as I'm up for work in a few hours.
I had two pints today which is a very small amount by my recent standards, I won't have anything tomorrow as I need to drive in the evening (I never ever mix the two, but I do avoid driving, both cos of anxiety and so I can drink, but I'll elaborate another time).
I'm nervous and excited about sorting this pickle out.
Thanks anyone who's read this I'm sorry it's so long
I'm James from just outside London. I think I have a drink problem. In fact, I do have a drink problem. I may well be an alcoholic, I'm not entirely sure really, perhaps denial or not wanting to acknowledge it is part of what makes me unsure, I really don't know, but what I do know is that I drink way, way too much and it's just about reaching the point where I'm struggling to stop. It's always going to be on Monday, then next Monday, then next...you get the vibe Anyway here's a little bit about my situation...
I'm 29 and married, I'm deeply in love with my wife and we've just had our first baby together, our daughter is eight weeks old and the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I haven't abused alcohol constantly, but I'd say for the last 8 years or so I've dipped in and out of phases of undoubtedly having 'too much'. Sometimes a phase might be weeks sometimes months, with varying periods of abstinence in between. But I'd always be finishing my pint first at the pub, always ending a night having had 2/3 more than most other people, drinking at home during the day when I've had days off or early days (not uncommon in my job, air conditioning engineer) etc. Often getting completely wasted for almost no reason. Either way, drinking pretty much every day.
Unfortunately, during the phases when I've been drinking much more sensibly or not at all, I've been going quite heavy at the weed. I gave that up completely when my wife feel pregnant, which probably opened a door for relative alcohol overdrive. Which happened, I started drinking lots again.
When my daughter was born I abstained quite comfortably without any real problem for a couple of weeks. I did go a bit mad on caffeine in that time though, maybe I have a bit of an all round addictive personality? Anyway soon enough I started having a couple of drinks again, and sooner enough after that I was back to having 'too much'. Two much might be a bottle of wine and a few beers, 4 or 5 half litre bottles of 9% cider etc. I reckon around 20ish units a day on a strong day (which is every day basically), give or take a few. I think I've always told myself I've stayed within "responsible" limits, as even that amount nowadays doesn't really make me drunk in the classic sense, I won't be slurring or stumbling or unbalanced and on the surface I'd carry out all my fatherly duties without any obvious problem. But I know the reality is different and of course I'm being irresponsible which makes me feel awful now I've written it down. My wife has long wanted me to stop or cut down but I somehow manage to get around it with "I'm not getting drunk, I just like a few to take the edge off". For the first time ever I've recently been hiding empties.
Unfortunately I'm kinda going through a bout of rotten depression and anxiety at the moment, and coupled with my alcohol problem I feel so so bad as this is really the happiest time of my life. I've suddenly become very paranoid of liver damage which isn't helping the anxiety lol.
Anyway sorry to have gone on so much, I just wanted to get it off my chest and I want to do something about it. There is a bit more to everything which I'll go into if people don't mind me continuing this essay tomorrow, but I best try get some shut eye as I'm up for work in a few hours.
I had two pints today which is a very small amount by my recent standards, I won't have anything tomorrow as I need to drive in the evening (I never ever mix the two, but I do avoid driving, both cos of anxiety and so I can drink, but I'll elaborate another time).
I'm nervous and excited about sorting this pickle out.
Thanks anyone who's read this I'm sorry it's so long
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome to SR Nagachilli. You'll find many here in your same situation - and we're happy to have you with us.
It sounds like alcohol is negatively impacting your life, even though there are times you go without it. I went through many phases with my drinking. When I was your age I was a little concerned about my habits, but did nothing about it. 20 yrs. later I found myself drinking 'round the clock, completely dependent on it. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it does to you. (The warning signs are there - starting to hide empties, drinking more than you intend to, etc.) I'm glad you came aboard.
It sounds like alcohol is negatively impacting your life, even though there are times you go without it. I went through many phases with my drinking. When I was your age I was a little concerned about my habits, but did nothing about it. 20 yrs. later I found myself drinking 'round the clock, completely dependent on it. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it does to you. (The warning signs are there - starting to hide empties, drinking more than you intend to, etc.) I'm glad you came aboard.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Hey James! I think everyone will recognise almost the points you made. Thinking about defining yourself - am I, aren't I an alcoholic - nobody can tell you if you are, but I first had the thought at 21, and have only now at 25 come to accept that fact that yes, I am an alcoholic, and drinking 15 bottles of bud a night or two or three bottles of wine isn't normal!
I too often got drunk for no reason other than simply to get drunk. I can't help be angry at how much time I've wasted! I have so many interests, so many hobbies, and yet the most interesting thing about me some days was that I passed out drunk by about 8 or 9 after starting to drink around 11/12. What an interesting person I was huh?
Anyway, it's wonderful to hear about you being happy with a beautiful wife and daughter. I hope you find the answers you're looking for here, and everyone will offer all the support they can!
I too often got drunk for no reason other than simply to get drunk. I can't help be angry at how much time I've wasted! I have so many interests, so many hobbies, and yet the most interesting thing about me some days was that I passed out drunk by about 8 or 9 after starting to drink around 11/12. What an interesting person I was huh?
Anyway, it's wonderful to hear about you being happy with a beautiful wife and daughter. I hope you find the answers you're looking for here, and everyone will offer all the support they can!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
A big welcome to you Nagachilli. They do say that if alcohol is costing you more than money then you might well have a problem. This is a really great place to get to grips with it. And a great time, with a young baby around, to do it!
In passing - you mention depression. Is that recent? I know when my first child came along, a long time ago now, I found the adjustment in the relationship with my wife and the overwhelming stuff involved with the new child were very tough. There is recognition of post natal depression in mothers, but there isn't much for men and I suspect it is a lot more common that is generally recognized. Of course I may be barking up the totally wrong pole, for which apologies if so.
In passing - you mention depression. Is that recent? I know when my first child came along, a long time ago now, I found the adjustment in the relationship with my wife and the overwhelming stuff involved with the new child were very tough. There is recognition of post natal depression in mothers, but there isn't much for men and I suspect it is a lot more common that is generally recognized. Of course I may be barking up the totally wrong pole, for which apologies if so.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
This is not directed directly toward you Nagachilli, but I am amazed at how people spend the time researching various sources to find out if they are alcoholic. My thought has always been: If you are searching for an answer to that question, stop searching, you already know.
Anyway, welcome to the forum. There is plenty of support and information here to help you overcome your battle with booze. Keep posting and start figuring out a way to stay stopped. It is in your best interest to stay sober.
Anyway, welcome to the forum. There is plenty of support and information here to help you overcome your battle with booze. Keep posting and start figuring out a way to stay stopped. It is in your best interest to stay sober.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Hey LBrain, I hear you! If I didn't have a problem or think I did, I'd never have been trying to find answers in the first place - I think a big part of me wanted to see "you're fine! Your behaviour is normal!" I just wanted validation that I could carry on drinking and that I wasn't doing my body any harm. The days I felt my liver and kidneys ache the most is when I would research it so I could read that it was something else, something harmless. Even as I'm typing this now, I'm seeing yet another way that alcohol had such a massive hold over me. I'm so glad to be aiming for something so much better now.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Good for you...
Originally Posted by Nagachilli 
I'm 29 and married, I'm deeply in love with my wife and we've just had our first baby together, our daughter is eight weeks old and the best thing that's ever happened to me.
You have come to the right place to help sort this pickle out! Enthusiasm is optional but definitely a bonus.
I'm still sorting my own pickle out but doing so with the commitment to sobriety...and I cannot stress enough that sobriety is a much better route than the one I have been taking thus far.
This is an extremely helpful place and bunch of people help guide where you need to be.
Welcome here!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,323
Good day James. 2 years ago I went to rehab to get off the booze...I had the same depression anxiety patterns you state. Anyways after getting back to real life and staying off booze for about 5 months all of it went away! Amazing is not strong enough a word for how I felt! I encourage you to try and abstain from booze for at least 30 days that's when I saw the start of improvements..do it for your wife and young child. They deserve the best of you.
And know you're always welcome here. I'm coming back after sliding back into old nasty habits...5 days in and I'm feeling much better again.
Never give up my friend. And as they say keep coming back.
Thanks for reading my post.
And know you're always welcome here. I'm coming back after sliding back into old nasty habits...5 days in and I'm feeling much better again.
Never give up my friend. And as they say keep coming back.
Thanks for reading my post.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi James,
I'm glad you posted.
It sounds like you are experiencing anxiety and concerns for your health due to your drinking. Ironically I began drinking as an effort to self-medicate anxiety and had no idea that I would end up so much worse. I think you will find your anxiety level will decrease when you stop drinking.
And, hiding empties is definitely a red flag. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then stopping is the appropriate action.
I'm glad you posted.
It sounds like you are experiencing anxiety and concerns for your health due to your drinking. Ironically I began drinking as an effort to self-medicate anxiety and had no idea that I would end up so much worse. I think you will find your anxiety level will decrease when you stop drinking.
And, hiding empties is definitely a red flag. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then stopping is the appropriate action.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 6
Hello again all, thanks very much for all your replies I really appreciate it.
I totally understand the points that have been made regarding me not really knowing whether I'm an alcoholic or not. I know I have a problem and I know it needs sorting. I think having read around a little bit more, I think I might be a 'functioning alcoholic'?
Mentium, I don't think you're barking up the wrong tree at all I don't know that what I have is the classic post natal depression, I have been prone to bouts of anxiety and depression in the past and it runs in the family, however the mahoosive change of life, in spite of it all being entirely positive and dearly wanted, could well be a part of it. I learned to drive in seven days in January and felt very anxious during all of that, I didn't drink a drop during that time since I was driving every day however the anxiety and depression feelings have never quite gone since then, except a couple of weeks when the baby was first born. Which has led me to doing exactly what Anna mentioned doing, drinking to medicate and hide the anxious feelings! Which I suspect is a viscous circle...
I've started exercising again, this is something I used to a lot of, and training in Thai boxing and stuff. I haven't at all recently, partly because of time diversion with our baby, partly the anxiety and partly through alcohol.
On another note, I'm quite keen to do what I can to treat my liver as much as possible. I'm taking milk thistle, drinking green tea and taking multi vitamins as well as sticking to as healthy a diet as I can. Does any one have any other advice on how to take good care of the liver and reverse any damage I might done? Incidentally I haven't been to the doctors or had a test, I'm showing no worrying signs at all although I understand that's often the case :-/
Thanks again for your time and comments and the kind words
I totally understand the points that have been made regarding me not really knowing whether I'm an alcoholic or not. I know I have a problem and I know it needs sorting. I think having read around a little bit more, I think I might be a 'functioning alcoholic'?
Mentium, I don't think you're barking up the wrong tree at all
I don't know that what I have is the classic post natal depression, I have been prone to bouts of anxiety and depression in the past and it runs in the family, however the mahoosive change of life, in spite of it all being entirely positive and dearly wanted, could well be a part of it. I learned to drive in seven days in January and felt very anxious during all of that, I didn't drink a drop during that time since I was driving every day however the anxiety and depression feelings have never quite gone since then, except a couple of weeks when the baby was first born. Which has led me to doing exactly what Anna mentioned doing, drinking to medicate and hide the anxious feelings! Which I suspect is a viscous circle... I've started exercising again, this is something I used to a lot of, and training in Thai boxing and stuff. I haven't at all recently, partly because of time diversion with our baby, partly the anxiety and partly through alcohol.
On another note, I'm quite keen to do what I can to treat my liver as much as possible. I'm taking milk thistle, drinking green tea and taking multi vitamins as well as sticking to as healthy a diet as I can. Does any one have any other advice on how to take good care of the liver and reverse any damage I might done? Incidentally I haven't been to the doctors or had a test, I'm showing no worrying signs at all although I understand that's often the case :-/
Thanks again for your time and comments and the kind words
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hi James...
Tasty! Soda water with lime...how was your visit to the pub? Are you friends supportive of your wish not to drink?
I would recommend that you keep doing things for you that give you health and happiness - like your exercising and Thai boxing. Especially with the time constraints of having a baby. Stay balanced as best you can
Nice job James
Tasty! Soda water with lime...how was your visit to the pub? Are you friends supportive of your wish not to drink?
I would recommend that you keep doing things for you that give you health and happiness - like your exercising and Thai boxing. Especially with the time constraints of having a baby. Stay balanced as best you can
Nice job James
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Island Park , NY
Posts: 373
Welcome to SR James! If you hang around here you will find the most supportive and helpful crew I have ever met in my 44 or so years of playing with alcohol! Go see a DR. and get a physical/bloodtests but from your posts I don't think you need anything but healthy eating, exercising and most of all not drinking to keep your liver healthy for you and your family. I venture to guess some higher power would convince me to stop drinking and saved me after all the years I abused my body with alcohol, as I am pretty healthy after all of that and i'm 58 yo! Carry on for yourself and your family as sobriety has some amazing aspects to it that I learned in the last few years! Stay Strong and Well ! Bobby
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