Acheleus

A little over six months sober and I feel very different but in an odd way that is difficult for me to articulate. All I want is time to focus on myself and figure out what I should do, but I have a lot of responsibilities that make me angry and resentful at ending up in a situation that makes me unhappy. Does anyone have any insight on what six months is supposed to be like? Is this still early recovery?

I know I sleep better and I cook more for myself, I actually eat breakfast now instead of dealing with a hangover. The little things help me get through the day. I did start a relationship four months ago and that is still going well, but sometimes I feel like it is moving too fast (discussions about living together, etc.) We are both alcoholic and met in a support group, so I don't know what I am doing to be honest, and I feel like I am falling apart. Sometimes I cannot think or concentrate for very long.

I guess I am just asking about dealing with everything as a sober person instead of an active drunk? Any advice about how to calm down, step back, and appreciate every sober day? I want to feel more relaxed and focused. Sorry if this post doesn't make any sense. I'm just scared for some reason.

Marcher13

Hey Ach, good to see you. Six months is still early, your body and your mind will be starting to come into sharper focus but I remember six months as being an in-between stage. The thing that really helped me was to go to the Gratitude threads here, I post there morning and evening because it focusses me on the abundance in my life. Come and check it out.

Could your anxiety have anything to do with the finish of the academic year?

SuperMario

Hi Achelus. I've never got to 6 months before so don't know how you're feeling. Wel done to you of course, but cut yourself some slack. If you'd been heavily drinking for a long time and used to masking decisions when drunk then it's normal that you're going to have to get used to making decisions with a clear mind now. Don't rush anything for your sake and your partners. There is no need to rush and every reason to celebrate a life of sobriety.

Ruby2

Hi Acheleus,

Six months is still early. I'm around where you are and feeling very similar things. So is FreeOwl who posted something similar this morning.

Growing pains is all I can say. All I can suggest on the relationship front is to not make any giant leaps yet, including moving in. I did that with my husband and we spent a good nine years see sawing back on forth on relapsing and sobriety because it was still too early and I wasn't mature enough in my sobriety to handle the day to day pressures.

I keep moving forward accepting that this is probably a phase since people with long term sobriety don't seem to be going through the same thing. And if they are they have more practice in dealing with it.

Hang in there. Your post made me feel that I'm not alone in feeling this way. Thanks

FreeOwl

yep!!

I'm right there with you on a lot of this.

Exercise helps... and that's something I've not been getting enough of lately. Today I will get myself some exercise. A short run at least. It does make a big positive difference for me and I've fallen into a rut that has been tough to break out of.

'trying to figure out what I should do...'

Man, does that ring familiar! In fact, some days I catch myself groaning out loud to nobody "WHAT AM I GONNA DO????"

And then I sort of find myself wondering... "about what?"

Like this deep sense of needing to DO something... about... something. "Fix my life" perhaps. Yet, what the hell is really all that wrong with my life?

Struggling against an undefined need for sense of purpose or something more or something that I can't put my finger on. Maybe the uncertainty of which was an ingredient in my drinking?

Anyway - you're not alone friend.

Croissant

Acheleus, I can't even imagine being in a relationship, so not sure if my comments are helpful.

I have been mostly sober since July last year...a slip in October (romanticising that elusive couple of drinks in the warm sunshine after a stressful work week) and in February after a death in the family. Dealing with grief and the dysfunction of my family coping with the grief, has given me a crash course in what I never understood at first about living a sober life.

This journey is not just about not drinking.

You have to stop and actually deal with emotions, other peoples emotions, angry times, sad times. One thing that has helped is journalling my moods, starting the day with positive thoughts, asking myself how I really feel....why am I upset about something. What are my battles? What aren't my battles? Where do my needs start and what boundaries am I fighting for in my life?

I invest time in my sobriety daily. I have to. And actually, the easiest part is the not drinking bit at this point...the hard bit is uncovering me and all my feelings and how to actually "be" me.

I can't see how I could achieve that in a relationship as well.

LBrain

I am approaching 5 months. I go through something like this almost every day. I still have some days that I don't feel like doing anything. I am in a difficult situation with employment and struggling with that - haven't worked in 5 months. I spent most of it just trying to get grounded. What kept me going is that I know I have a lot of years ahead of me and that I just can't fix something overnight. So I'm easing into reality if that makes sense. I am dealing with a major life decision right now. I have been down and out before, so I know I will return to my old self soon enough.

At least I know that I am not alone in having these thoughts. Thanks

Tiptree

Ache - only my humble advice , but I think you should take things slow and steady. Why take on more at this early stage of your sobriety? You already have big responsibilities and like a lot of folks posting here, are still so early in recovery. The focus has to be on staying sober no matter what. One thing we don't need is to complicate our lives any further if we can avoid it. Wish you well.

FreeOwl

yeah... tough call. When we cross paths with another and there is a spark and a chemistry it is powerful and compelling.

Yet we have work to do on ourselves.

Of course, that will always and forever be the case... so do we turn away from it because we 'need to deal with our own stuff first'?

I think the answer is different for everyone.

For me, I feel and believe that relationships happen when and how they happen for a reason. Even in recovery I think that when a relationship comes along, it probably has a lot to bring us regardless of the outcome.

That said - I think that if we aren't careful to leave space for ourselves, tend those things we've not tended, be careful not to move too fast, take care not to lose SELF entirely to relationship - then we risk it just becoming another addiction. Relationship as surrogate alcohol.

I sometimes feel concern about this myself, as I've been in relationship for over a year now; both while drinking and in sobriety. For me, it has been a positive and the relationship has a strong foundation. However - I do see how my attention to the relationship and to my lady can sometimes take priority over things I may not be dealing with for myself. That is a dangerous business for sobriety and for the relationship. So I'm working on figuring that out... where is the 'balance'. What patterns are we setting together that are healthy? What patterns are less healthy? How do we continue to grow and nurture the relationship without sacrificing the development of Self?

There's no right or wrong way. Many will tell you not to make any decisions or start up any relationships for 6 months to a year in sobriety.... but what about those of us who already have? What about those relationships that come up and feel so powerful? I'm not sure there's a black and white answer and I think it's a matter of not letting go of yourself and your priorities, boundaries and needs. Staying aware. Nurturing yourself as much as or more than the relationship or your partner.... and them doing the same...

Nuudawn

Wow..Acheleus. Just wow. I been back in the drink whilst you were chalking up sober time and life progression. 6 months. I'm so very happy for you!
I can't speak to your questions but I just had to stop in and say...
Wow..
And a relationship? Wow...I recall that lost, achingly lonely guy...
I'm so very happy for you to now be facing much more complicated questions.
Sorry...again..just had to pop into gush a little for you, although it might not be appropriate given your sombre concerns.
Anyhoo...doing it anyway.

WanderingBear

Like you, I was in a new relationship when I quit drinking. It was very poor timing, and in hindsight a bad idea. There was simply too much going on in my head, and I sabotaged the relationship.

Dee74

are you still seeing your Dr, Ach?

D

Acheleus

Yes and I see my counselor every week.

MythOfSisyphus

Congrats, first off. Six months is great! It is still kind of "early" but you have a big taste of living sober. Not sure how to advise you, really. A year and a half into sobriety it feels like life is speeding up...I guess I'm trying to make up for all the life I wasted. It's a strange time for me, too. But the most confusing day sober still makes more sense than being a drunk.