Out of control
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Out of control
Hi everyone. Just wanted to put this to a few others lon here to gauge opinions. This is how I have completely relapsed into full time heavy drinking yet again.
I got married in January to an incredible guy (who by the grace of god is tee-total through his own choice) and all was well. I still drank more than I should and it was about once or twice a week, but it wasn't enough to cause any significant problems for either me nor my husband. That all changed about two months ago when he started working night shifts.
I am racked with guilt to say that the moment he first told me he was working a night shift, I was almost sick with glee. How wonderful! I thought, knowing the very first thing I was going to do was buy a bottle of wine and a packet of cigarettes ( I had given up smoking for over three months and felt amazing). That first night he worked and I could just sit there, alone, and drink my wine. Wow. It felt incredible. It felt so good, in fact, that I bought another bottle. I got through 2 and a half bottles that night and over 20 cigarettes. The next day I felt like hell. And I didn't care. I had got very drunk on my own without hurting anyone or being caught out. I felt so incredible.
Over the coming weeks, he took more and more night shifts, me gleefully waving him off. As soon as he was gone, off to the shop I'd go, merry as if I'd just won the lottery. Whatever I bought was gone within the night, often staying up to finish every last drop till 4 or 5 am knowing I had to be up for work at 7.
It has spiralled out of control, without me even realising it! How did I not realise how bad it had once again become? I have no idea. All I know is falling so fast and so hard like this has been even more terrifying and devastating than before. I want to be happy and I want to live. I want more than anything to never drink again. Not one drop. I've been down the road before of wanting to be "normal". If normal (meaning I can take or leave a drink) can't be mine, I'm willing to settle for abnormal and happy. This addiction is too clever to try and beat and I know now I am powerless to it.
I got married in January to an incredible guy (who by the grace of god is tee-total through his own choice) and all was well. I still drank more than I should and it was about once or twice a week, but it wasn't enough to cause any significant problems for either me nor my husband. That all changed about two months ago when he started working night shifts.
I am racked with guilt to say that the moment he first told me he was working a night shift, I was almost sick with glee. How wonderful! I thought, knowing the very first thing I was going to do was buy a bottle of wine and a packet of cigarettes ( I had given up smoking for over three months and felt amazing). That first night he worked and I could just sit there, alone, and drink my wine. Wow. It felt incredible. It felt so good, in fact, that I bought another bottle. I got through 2 and a half bottles that night and over 20 cigarettes. The next day I felt like hell. And I didn't care. I had got very drunk on my own without hurting anyone or being caught out. I felt so incredible.
Over the coming weeks, he took more and more night shifts, me gleefully waving him off. As soon as he was gone, off to the shop I'd go, merry as if I'd just won the lottery. Whatever I bought was gone within the night, often staying up to finish every last drop till 4 or 5 am knowing I had to be up for work at 7.
It has spiralled out of control, without me even realising it! How did I not realise how bad it had once again become? I have no idea. All I know is falling so fast and so hard like this has been even more terrifying and devastating than before. I want to be happy and I want to live. I want more than anything to never drink again. Not one drop. I've been down the road before of wanting to be "normal". If normal (meaning I can take or leave a drink) can't be mine, I'm willing to settle for abnormal and happy. This addiction is too clever to try and beat and I know now I am powerless to it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Supermario: I know all about what you're saying. The way it creeps up on a person insidiously like some horrible vine choking a tree. Eventually it takes away everything, job, marriage, friends (except for others who drink excessively), possessions, self respect, and in the end shortens your life. Good luck with all that.
W.
W.
I'm Wide Awake
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 766
SuperMario...probably a lot of us here can relate to the feeling of relief when we could drink alone without any judgment from others. Unfortunately, for me at least, it only led to anxiety and unhappiness. I'm about a month into my second sobriety. My relapse lasted 1 year and 2 months and at the end I was more miserable that I have ever been.
I've had a lot thrown my way over the past month that I didn't anticipate, but I have completely accepted that I cannot drink again and that I will never be a "normal" drinker. One thing I know for certain is that my non-drinking life will beat my drinking days no matter what happens because I will be able to respect the person I see in the mirror.
My thoughts are with you. I believe you can stop and have the life you truly deserve with your husband.
I've had a lot thrown my way over the past month that I didn't anticipate, but I have completely accepted that I cannot drink again and that I will never be a "normal" drinker. One thing I know for certain is that my non-drinking life will beat my drinking days no matter what happens because I will be able to respect the person I see in the mirror.
My thoughts are with you. I believe you can stop and have the life you truly deserve with your husband.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by Johnston 
Ahem, same sex marriage is not uncommon nowadays, not that this applies in this case.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: uk for now
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by SuperMario
Hehe, actually it does. Both my husband and I are guys. Of course, that's not why I'm here to talk about that, but we are in the process of converting our civil partnership to a marriage, so I just say married as that's the outcome
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Originally Posted by falseemperor
I respect that. But can i ask no offanse but why in planet earth 2 guys want to married there is lot of girls like sand billion of them.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by SuperMario
This addiction is too clever to try and beat and I know now I am powerless to it.
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