Finally posting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Richmond VA
Posts: 10
Finally posting
Hi, I've been reading on this site for over a year, but haven't posted.
I'm 29, and haven't had a drink since May 3rd. I've been wanting to quit for a long time; I've known I have an alcohol problem for about 5 years. Last year I quit for a little over a month, other than that I haven't been sober for more than a few weeks since I was 16.
When I first started drinking I thought I had found the key to all my problems. I hated the taste, but I loved the way it made me feel. All of the sudden I could to school dances and tear up the dance floor instead of being a wallflower. I could go to parties and talk to strangers with ease. I went from being the quiet one in my group of friends to the life of the party. But also from the start I could see I approached alcohol differently than my peers. Most of my friends like to only drink occasionally, I liked the drink every time I got the chance. I worked at a fast food restaurant and it was easy to get the adult workers to buy for me if I gave them a good tip. I always drank to get drunk, and never understood friends that wanted to stop after 1 or 2. This went on for a while but I was finding every time I drank I got sick. I only drank liquor and couldn't stand beer. About the time I was 18 or 19 I suddenly developed a taste for beer and that's when thing really got going. As long as I drank beer I could drink for longer without passing out, and I didn't get sick.
Time went on and so did my drinking. I worked full time and attended community college at night. I was seemingly doing well but my drinking was constantly increasing. When I was 18 I was charged with underage possession of alcohol. When I was 20 I totaled a car by crashing though a fence. I had drank a 12 pack of Coors before I left the house and was working on another while I was driving. I drove away and lied to my parents about why I wrecked my car.
When I was 22 I moved 100 miles away from home to complete college. I started to date a guy who liked to drink as much as I did and a became a daily drinker. In April of 2008 my sister got married and I showed up drunk to the rehearsal. I lied about that too. That summer I wrecked another car, and got out of getting arrested yet again. The relationship was strained because we would fight when we were drunk and then not remember half of it in the morning. Summer of 2009 the relationship ended and a drank to deal with that.
In 2010 I graduated from college. I've been employed since then but have had trouble finding a job that uses my degree. In 2011 I bought my own house. Finally I could drinking as much as I wanted with no roommates to feel embarrassed around, and no one to suggest that maybe I was drinking a bit much, or starting a little early in the day. I became a solitary drinker. It got to where I didn't like to drink socially because I was worried about what I might say or do. I preferred to be alone in my house with just me, the TV, and a 12 packs of beer of a few 40's of malt liquor. I got to where I hated to look in the mirror. I hated how I looked about 10 years older than I was, how my body was going to pot and my face was red all the time. I went to a dermatologist who diagnosed me with Rosacea, and while the diagnosis may be correct I knew alcohol was the underlying cause. I tried making different rules for myself: no drinking during the week, only drink socially, only on special occasions, only 2 drinks daily. Nothing ever lasted very long. I knew the only answer was to give up alcohol entirely, but I couldn't imagine life without it. It had been a central part of my life for so long.
So here I am now and ready to quit for good. I'll be 30 in December and I don't want to waste my 30's like I did my 20's by being hammered every free moment. I've had unsafe sex while drunk, drove drunk hundreds if not thousands of times, nearly been robbed, and done a million other stupid things while intoxicated. I know it's only a matter of time before something terrible happens. As the old saying goes, bad things don't happen every time I drink, but when something bad happens to me alcohol is usually involved.
On May 3rd I went to a birthday party for a friends of mine. That night something clicked and I knew this had to be it. As usually I promised myself only to drink a little and instead I got rip roaring plastered. My friend tagged me in some pictures on Facebook the next day which I promptly took down. I hate the way I look, especially when I'm drunk. I haven't had a drink since then. I've been reading a lot on this forum, and reading the AA big book (I went to meetings for about a month last year). I'm feeling better, looking better, and sleeping like a log. I'm considering going back to AA, although I sort of had a bad experience last time. Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm happy to be here, and happy to be sober. I want to live life again, instead of just muddling through.
I'm 29, and haven't had a drink since May 3rd. I've been wanting to quit for a long time; I've known I have an alcohol problem for about 5 years. Last year I quit for a little over a month, other than that I haven't been sober for more than a few weeks since I was 16.
When I first started drinking I thought I had found the key to all my problems. I hated the taste, but I loved the way it made me feel. All of the sudden I could to school dances and tear up the dance floor instead of being a wallflower. I could go to parties and talk to strangers with ease. I went from being the quiet one in my group of friends to the life of the party. But also from the start I could see I approached alcohol differently than my peers. Most of my friends like to only drink occasionally, I liked the drink every time I got the chance. I worked at a fast food restaurant and it was easy to get the adult workers to buy for me if I gave them a good tip. I always drank to get drunk, and never understood friends that wanted to stop after 1 or 2. This went on for a while but I was finding every time I drank I got sick. I only drank liquor and couldn't stand beer. About the time I was 18 or 19 I suddenly developed a taste for beer and that's when thing really got going. As long as I drank beer I could drink for longer without passing out, and I didn't get sick.
Time went on and so did my drinking. I worked full time and attended community college at night. I was seemingly doing well but my drinking was constantly increasing. When I was 18 I was charged with underage possession of alcohol. When I was 20 I totaled a car by crashing though a fence. I had drank a 12 pack of Coors before I left the house and was working on another while I was driving. I drove away and lied to my parents about why I wrecked my car.
When I was 22 I moved 100 miles away from home to complete college. I started to date a guy who liked to drink as much as I did and a became a daily drinker. In April of 2008 my sister got married and I showed up drunk to the rehearsal. I lied about that too. That summer I wrecked another car, and got out of getting arrested yet again. The relationship was strained because we would fight when we were drunk and then not remember half of it in the morning. Summer of 2009 the relationship ended and a drank to deal with that.
In 2010 I graduated from college. I've been employed since then but have had trouble finding a job that uses my degree. In 2011 I bought my own house. Finally I could drinking as much as I wanted with no roommates to feel embarrassed around, and no one to suggest that maybe I was drinking a bit much, or starting a little early in the day. I became a solitary drinker. It got to where I didn't like to drink socially because I was worried about what I might say or do. I preferred to be alone in my house with just me, the TV, and a 12 packs of beer of a few 40's of malt liquor. I got to where I hated to look in the mirror. I hated how I looked about 10 years older than I was, how my body was going to pot and my face was red all the time. I went to a dermatologist who diagnosed me with Rosacea, and while the diagnosis may be correct I knew alcohol was the underlying cause. I tried making different rules for myself: no drinking during the week, only drink socially, only on special occasions, only 2 drinks daily. Nothing ever lasted very long. I knew the only answer was to give up alcohol entirely, but I couldn't imagine life without it. It had been a central part of my life for so long.
So here I am now and ready to quit for good. I'll be 30 in December and I don't want to waste my 30's like I did my 20's by being hammered every free moment. I've had unsafe sex while drunk, drove drunk hundreds if not thousands of times, nearly been robbed, and done a million other stupid things while intoxicated. I know it's only a matter of time before something terrible happens. As the old saying goes, bad things don't happen every time I drink, but when something bad happens to me alcohol is usually involved.
On May 3rd I went to a birthday party for a friends of mine. That night something clicked and I knew this had to be it. As usually I promised myself only to drink a little and instead I got rip roaring plastered. My friend tagged me in some pictures on Facebook the next day which I promptly took down. I hate the way I look, especially when I'm drunk. I haven't had a drink since then. I've been reading a lot on this forum, and reading the AA big book (I went to meetings for about a month last year). I'm feeling better, looking better, and sleeping like a log. I'm considering going back to AA, although I sort of had a bad experience last time. Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm happy to be here, and happy to be sober. I want to live life again, instead of just muddling through.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 524
Welcome Herculon,
Things will only continue to get better on. Alcoholism is a progressive thing that will only continue to get worse and no matter how long you've stopped as soon as you pick up again you'll be right back where you left off. I just hit my early 30's, I'm done making a fool of myself and floating around like a log. It's no way to live. Only on day 6. A month is incredible! Keep it up!
Things will only continue to get better on. Alcoholism is a progressive thing that will only continue to get worse and no matter how long you've stopped as soon as you pick up again you'll be right back where you left off. I just hit my early 30's, I'm done making a fool of myself and floating around like a log. It's no way to live. Only on day 6. A month is incredible! Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Germany
Posts: 22
I can relate to your story, Herculon. Every stupid decision I have made and almost everything bad that has happened in my life has been a result of alcohol. I'm tired of the cycle.. congratulations on your sobriety.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 89
Hi Herculon and well done on being sober since May 3rd! Thanks for sharing this - I know how you feel, the shame and embarrassment is often just too much to bear. It got to the point where I was living terrified of what I'd do next time I was drink, yet still I couldn't stop taking that first drink. But no more, enough is enough. We can do this and not waste another second of our already mercilessly short lives. Congratulations and please keep sharing. You don't understand how much it helps to read that I am not alone!
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