asm505

So My husband and I are separated. I told him with 100% certainty last night that I am done because three weeks ago he was an alcoholic and couldn't control his drinking and now he has evolved to he can control it but will only keep a 6 pack in the house if we give this a try. Guess what. Been here. Done that. No more. I am done. Out. Jumping off the train. I can't do this anymore.

I feel pretty good about this decision and I think it is finally setting in to him that I am done. I am 100% totally frustrated though because we just talked and he actually said, I have no idea why we are here and why you want this but I am going to let you do it and regret it. Seriously???!!!???!!! OMG. Wheew.

I'm done beating my head against the wall in this relationship. : Its sad and I feel bad but I am excited to see the person I can become without him.

Designgrl

Good for you!
I don't think I've ever read a story from someone who regretted separating/divorcing from their alcoholic partner! So far I haven't regretted doing it either....even when I'm having a tough time. Everyday I keep getting more and more of my self-esteem back!! YAY!!!! There's no where to go but up from here!

readerbaby71

Good luck to you!! xo

Fandy

congratulations...self confidence and self esteem are in your post.

realizing you do not have to be the picker-upper prop him up and pick up the mess.

it's a wonderful feeling that you don't have to worry and make yourself sick over someone else's recovery...

all too often people that post have done that and neglect their own well being, literally making themselves ill by worrying over the one who has abused and been disrespectful.

Hawkeye13

If this makes him feel better, let him believe it.
He is still trying to get you to doubt yourself and second guess in my view.

Move forward quickly while you have momentum with the legal aspect, because he may well try another strategy when you don't "regret it"

It sounds like, from what you've posted before, you've made a very wise and soul-affirming choice for yourself.

ladyscribbler

Nothing for you to regret. Sounds like the last quack of a desperate duck to me.
Hugs.

Charmed3

Totally agree! When I made the decision I was busy planning before and working quickly after I left. He was busy drinking and thinking he could still manipulate me. Didn't get all that I wanted but I sure got a heck of a lot more than he was planning on me having.

I can assure you that I have no regrets.

CodeJob

I think that is Radiant?

But congrats on identifying and working towards your future ASM!

AnvilheadII

he can control it but will only keep a 6 pack in the house if we give this a try

his offer STILL preserves his access to alcohol....the use of term WE is a nice touch eh?

yeah he's protecting his FUEL for the roller coaster. good for you to see that and step off....jump off. enough is enough. how kind of him to LET you go....

now you get to focus on getting to know a seriously awesome individual...YOU. much better bang for the buck!

BoxinRotz

Watch him turn into the biggest a$$hole you've ever met when just a few days ago he was so sweet! lol. You'll see how he tried to use you to get what he wanted.

dandylion

asm---please keep that index card--the one with the reasons that you are ending it in the first place tucked somewhere o n your person......cause you will need it to stay clearheaded when he tries to torpedo you off your track.

As BoxinRotz foreshadows----pulling every maneuver possible and pushing all of your buttons---anything to throw you off balance---is very common, at this stage.

Plant your feet firmly on the ground......and be prepared!!

Like Hawkeye said: "move forward quickly while you have momentum'

You are doing great!!

dandylion

owly

Good for you! Brighter days ahead.

asm505

Thanks! I am looking at a townhouse for the 2nd time today. I am pretty excited about it. For the first time in a long time I am excited about my future. I see the light! I was worried about money but you know what, it will work out. The first few months will be tight but I can do this! I am woman, hear me roar!!! LOL

asm505

I have that list on me right now. My friend that has seen every up and down of this relationship helped me make the list by reminding me things that even I forgot.

Staying strong. Getting stronger!

honeypig

asm505, I'm so glad to hear you've reached this level of clarity about what you do and don't want, what you are and are NOT willing to put up with. I'm even gladder that you've got the strength and courage to act on that knowledge. Outstanding!

And you know, designgrl said something I had not thought about until just this moment, when she mentioned that she had never read a story here from anyone who regretted leaving/divorcing their active A. I have to agree w/her--in all the reading I've done here since I joined (and it's a LOT--I read all the time, whether I comment or not), I have seen endless stories of people who wish they'd taken action weeks, months, years ago. But I cannot think of one single story where the poster regrets taking that action, striking out on their own and turning the A over to his/her HP.

Yes, folks post after leaving their A and are scared, lonesome, anxious sometimes, but in the end, they all seem to find some kind of peace and happiness of their own, that would not have been possible if they had stayed in the whirlwind of craziness they'd been living in with their A.

YOU GO, ASM505!!!

dandylion

Honeypig---You know....the observations of designgirl, and yourself, ring true for me, as well. None seem to regret leaving the alcoholic--just anxiety about the short-term adjustments of being on their own, sometimes. Once they have worked through the initial adjustments....they seem to come out stronger and more content.

That says a LOT.....!!!

dandylion

Hawkeye13

I have noticed the very same thing ladies.

Amazing what happens when we let people deal with their own problems
and stay on our side of the street, isn't it?

honeypig

And Radiant's thread here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ointments.html is proof of that, isn't it? (I know you've seen it already, Hawkeye, but in case there are some who missed it...)

dandylion

Yes......I was envisioning a wedding ceremony (SNL style)......where the presiding official addresses the bride & groom thus: "And, let each promise to let the other handle their own damn problems and stick to our own side of the street!!!!"

dandylionlmaolmao

unsureoffuture

Its liberating jumping off that train! The possibilities are endless. Best of luck to the new and improved asm505 and a drama free life.