Hammer

This might be a better Mental Health topic . . . dunno. But since the lines tend to be so blurred between alcoholism, the addictions, and mental illness, seemed like this was a good start.

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From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Psychological projection - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Psychological projection is the act or technique of defending oneself against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in oneself, while attributing them to others.[1] For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.

Although rooted in early developmental stages,[2] and classed by George Eman Vaillant as an immature defence,[3] the projection of one's negative qualities onto others on a small scale is nevertheless a common process in everyday life.[4]

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Figured this might be a good topic, as I have observed many folks encounter this -- "Why do you drink so much" from an A, or like what I kept hearing about "my" eating disorder, back when AWtf was doing the Anorexia/Bulimia thing.

Recently I have been being told about "my personality disorder" type issues . . . no doubt because . . .. she is getting some awareness of those within herself. Typical routine. SSDD.

So I figured maybe trade tips, management, or just techniques on blowing the nonsense off.

Thanks.

redatlanta

i deal with only a little bit of this. As you know my husband is BP2

For the most part his BP is really managed well. I am not sure if I would attribute projection of this to mental illness or just good old blame shifting which anyone can do.

So back to the question - how I deal with it when it comes up? I ignore it. How's that. I could care less. So if husband wants to blame shift to me I say " ok". I give it no energy and no room for discussion. That way it is stopped dead in its tracks. I don't NEED to convince my husband that I am not, or I am a certain way. I know what I am and what I am not, just like he knows (about me and himself).

Since I started responding this way which was when I got into Al Anon my life became more peaceful, and the blame shifting was cut down by at least 90%. Livable.

dandylion

Hammer---I think of it as just another form of "quacking"---and, treat it accordingly.

It does get old, though!

dandylion

PippiLngstockng

I get this a lot. 'I never did it, it has been completely disproven, and it was all your fault'.

I think it is really funny. Now that I am far far away from xah.

When I lived with him I sometimes thought, ' did it even happen? Was it all my fault?' And I would promise myself I would never let another crazy violent argument happen again in our family life.

And then it would.

Thank God that's all over.

MissFixit

I drink a handful of times per year. Nothing to excess (more than 2-3 drinks). I remember being told that he (my exA) hated it when I drank. My personality changed (I get hyper and turn into a gymnast) and he didn't like that. Oh well. No worries about that now. Non-A bf thinks I am fun during those rare moments and we laugh. No projections anymore.

Hugs Hammer. How are those non-A moms you glimpse at school?

ladyscribbler

Same here. Just hit my mental "ignore" button. But my mom's stuff is so off the wall as to be laughable- DS 12 is an imposter, I'm planting thoughts in her head, everyone in the grocery store is "mind attacking" her, someone moved her car three spaces to the left while she was at work.
I imagine the personality disorder stuff is a bit more insidious because it's at least theoretically possible, and a casual observer who didn't know the whole situation could actually be taken in and believe it.

Hammer

ahhh, so you are a Dance-on-the-Table sort of Drunk?

Just think how annoying THAT would be to Real Professional Skilled Drunk?

Seems I recall dancing on a roof (and well, painting massive graffiti so it could be read by aircraft). That was one drunk night.

I see a lot of them. And at church. And some at Alanon.

About like my Alananny Angels, I suppose. I see them ALL the time now, too.

And even the other night, taking Daughter to "Assistant Leader" training for Girl Scouts. Just a couple night ago. Made me think back about a year.
Daughter is an Assistant now . . . and Girl Scout moms. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3998770

Just is what it is.

CodeJob

Projection the moments I think about fencing, tasers, silly string, and a real light saber.

Thumper

Yes my ex projected onto me a lot. Not before the separation (but I could see it a little bit with others) but after. It was so painful for me. I posted here about it, or I should say about a crazy making email, and someone - I think LaTeeDa - pointed out how it was projection. It was such a helpful thing when I could see it so closely and was so grateful she pointed it out. It was a little easier to let it roll off me when I could recognize it as projection of a very broken person. I didn't respond to any of that. I was no contact for everything except kid talk.

NWGRITS

I am guilty of this myself. Partly nature in my own Bipolar II, but also nurture in my AM. Not something I'm proud of, and I'm working on it. I agree about just ignoring it. No need to add fuel to the fire, no matter how pretty the flames are.

Stung

I'm learning a lot about projections lately. I'm guilty of doing it and am regularly on the receiving end of projections as well.

"Psychological projection is the act or technique of defending oneself against unpleasant impulses by denying their existence in oneself, while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.

Although rooted in early developmental stages, and classed by George Eman Vaillant as an immature defence, the projection of one's negative qualities onto others on a small scale is nevertheless a common process in everyday life."

What's worse, is now when I see my husband projecting on others that I really pick up on it because I'm trying to not do it myself. In terms of receiving it myself, my husband will call me controling but in reality, he's the one with all of the control here. As long as he works his program then things will go the way he desires. It has nothing to do with me. Do X = get Y. It's that simple and has nothing to do with me. I just flat out tell him he's projecting and I don't want his crap, I have enough of my own, thankyouverymuch.

Thumper

I'm always paranoid about what I might be projecting now. When people irritate me I think to myself 'OMG - is that me? Tell me that isn't me!.' lol

CodeJob

This set me up for quite a revelatory dream. I almost feel like I am a white screen and projectionists play out their clips. But some clips leave burnt images.

Some of my feelings and memories aren't mine. I was too empathic and too intuitive growing up. Some of what I fight are other people's shadows. Part of my Step 4 is realizing these images were just laid on me - they aren't mine. It appears I let these projections overrun my own memories. I thought my sole value was being a projectionist screen for others. This is another reason why I have my emotional wall and it was a protection against some of this projection...

Oh Mr. T and my sponsor are going to be giddy with this. I need to think more but I think when I say I live in the truth, I am also saying I try very hard NOT to project. I run it out, I bury it internally, I sleep it off, I journal, I forget, I tell people I am having a bad day. I don't blast my stuff because I know how that feels and I see it as a lie!

wanttobehealthy

My personality disordered, alcoholic, abuser xH is in the middle of a court ordered DV eval and has to attend a 9 month long batterers class and what I have heard while this is occurring (in texts that are to be restricted to only discussing drop off and pick up matters involving the kids) is that I have a personality disorder, I am an abuser (per his therapist and the DV evaluator- lol!) and that I drink excessively.

Quackity, quack quack...

MissFixit

Cute. Not quite that exciting. More like I had 2 (yes, actually 2) margaritas last weekend while sitting in the backyard. Felt a burst of energy and did harder yoga poses in backyard. The energy burst reminded me when I was younger and would be very gregarious when out. It was fun.

One realization I had about drinking when exA commented years ago that he didn't like it when I drank (again very harmless) was that he drank to manage emotions good and bad. I only wanted to drink to celebrate when I was happy. Never when I was upset. I think he was jealous (weird ehh) that I could drink without overdoing it. To support him I stopped drinking all alcohol except for champagne on bday and new years. When we spilt I didn't drink for years. Now, I have a little bit in those relaxing, fun or celebratory moments. It is nice to not be the target of someone else's projection and be able to be myself from before the A years.

Girl Scout moms? They probably bake delicious cookies and like to camp. Both winning traits to most men I know.