Destruction
I did this leading up to my last lapse. I don't think I have ever felt more confused, guilty and annoyed with myself. Not only that but after I got home from a meeting I was waiting for my partner to go to bed so she wouldn't know. Then the vodka came out and 2/3 of a bottle was glugged before staggering up to bed.
Booze sucks!
Booze sucks!
Usually those who are insane don't realise it.
As an alcoholic I had three areas of certifiable insanity.
1) what happened to me after I took the first drink. I had no control and the more intoxicated I got, the more insane my behaviour.
2) the time immediately preceding the 1st drink that nearly always lead to disaster. I was unable to see the reality of the risk I was taking.
3) the years of denial and rationalisation that I didn't have a problem is spite of massive evidence to the contrary. I could not see it.
Each of these was a psychotic episode, a time of insanity, a time where I was completely unable to see reality. My alcoholic life was the only normal one... Not normal, not reality at all.
Then, like you, I began to see the reality. That was my first sane moment.
The use of the word insane, psychotic are not too strong a terms. In my country they can and have locked me up for my own good. It only takes a judge and two doctors.
You may have had insane moments, but you are taking sane actions now (I hope)
As an alcoholic I had three areas of certifiable insanity.
1) what happened to me after I took the first drink. I had no control and the more intoxicated I got, the more insane my behaviour.
2) the time immediately preceding the 1st drink that nearly always lead to disaster. I was unable to see the reality of the risk I was taking.
3) the years of denial and rationalisation that I didn't have a problem is spite of massive evidence to the contrary. I could not see it.
Each of these was a psychotic episode, a time of insanity, a time where I was completely unable to see reality. My alcoholic life was the only normal one... Not normal, not reality at all.
Then, like you, I began to see the reality. That was my first sane moment.
The use of the word insane, psychotic are not too strong a terms. In my country they can and have locked me up for my own good. It only takes a judge and two doctors.
You may have had insane moments, but you are taking sane actions now (I hope)
I used to think I was naturally self destructive...thought I was cracking up...funny by putting away the booze...it cleared my mental state and I didn't think like this anymore.
Booze causes this type of thinking.
Put the bottle down hour by hour if needed...your mind will clear as well.
Good luck to you my friend. You have my support.
Booze causes this type of thinking.
Put the bottle down hour by hour if needed...your mind will clear as well.
Good luck to you my friend. You have my support.
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