First post but have been reading here for years
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 13
First post but have been reading here for years
Hello all,
I just want to take the time to actually make a post and let everyone know how much this site has helped me throughout the years. I continue to work on myself and have learned a great deal from everyone's experiences that they have shared.
I have been on and off with my alcoholic boyfriend for now about 8 years. For the most part, it has been horrible. As you all know, filled with lies, no trust, no communication, and a roller coaster of emotions. I never thought I would accept/allow some of the things my A has done to me, many of which should be unforgivable (cheating, no emotional support, blaming me, leaving me stranded many times when I needed him). I don't even want to get into all the horrible things that have happened, as I am trying to move on. I am now 33 years old and just now learning that I deserve to be happy in my life.
This site has helped me to learn how to love myself and that I am worthy of being loved. It has helped me to work through this maze of alcoholism and I feel that I am finally seeing some light.
I think for the first time, I am strong enough (years in the making) to allow myself to be happy and to realize that my A rarely ever makes me happy anymore. This has been a slow process and sometimes I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life (I desperately want a family). But something keeps telling me that God has me exactly where I need to be. I see what a hold alcoholism has on my A and that there is literally nothing I can do to change that or to help him. I used to have hope that when he said he wanted to quit or when he admitted how drinking is killing him, but I now see that is not my business and it's not my battle to fight. It is his.
3 years ago, my A lived with me-he was drunk all the time (and I literally mean ALL the time), he didn't work, he lied, he cheated, and he so on. I still saw the good in him though-I begged him to change, nagged him, drank with him, loved him/hated him, it goes on and on. I believed his lies. It was chaos.
Today, I bought my own house and he does not live here. I am starting nursing school and have been going to school for the past year (that has been the thing that has helped me to move on the most). I have accomplished a lot and I can say that I am proud of myself. My A, however, is still doing the same things-he has not changed. yet, he wonders why I don't want to spend time with him or let him live here-mind boggling.
I have decided today that I cannot even talk to him on the phone anymore and listen to one more lie. It's very sad, but at the same time, it feels right. It has taken me years to get to this point. It's time to focus on myself and do the things that make me happy. I don't know how he is going to react, but I have blocked his number (thank god for that function) and I am going to put him in God's hands once and for all. I just hope that I continue to stay on this path.
I just wanted to write to tell you all thank you for sharing your feelings and stories here. I know I don't know any of you, but you have helped me in this journey and as much as I still hurt, I feel I'm doing the right thing by not having contact.
I just want to take the time to actually make a post and let everyone know how much this site has helped me throughout the years. I continue to work on myself and have learned a great deal from everyone's experiences that they have shared.
I have been on and off with my alcoholic boyfriend for now about 8 years. For the most part, it has been horrible. As you all know, filled with lies, no trust, no communication, and a roller coaster of emotions. I never thought I would accept/allow some of the things my A has done to me, many of which should be unforgivable (cheating, no emotional support, blaming me, leaving me stranded many times when I needed him). I don't even want to get into all the horrible things that have happened, as I am trying to move on. I am now 33 years old and just now learning that I deserve to be happy in my life.
This site has helped me to learn how to love myself and that I am worthy of being loved. It has helped me to work through this maze of alcoholism and I feel that I am finally seeing some light.
I think for the first time, I am strong enough (years in the making) to allow myself to be happy and to realize that my A rarely ever makes me happy anymore. This has been a slow process and sometimes I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life (I desperately want a family). But something keeps telling me that God has me exactly where I need to be. I see what a hold alcoholism has on my A and that there is literally nothing I can do to change that or to help him. I used to have hope that when he said he wanted to quit or when he admitted how drinking is killing him, but I now see that is not my business and it's not my battle to fight. It is his.
3 years ago, my A lived with me-he was drunk all the time (and I literally mean ALL the time), he didn't work, he lied, he cheated, and he so on. I still saw the good in him though-I begged him to change, nagged him, drank with him, loved him/hated him, it goes on and on. I believed his lies. It was chaos.
Today, I bought my own house and he does not live here. I am starting nursing school and have been going to school for the past year (that has been the thing that has helped me to move on the most). I have accomplished a lot and I can say that I am proud of myself. My A, however, is still doing the same things-he has not changed. yet, he wonders why I don't want to spend time with him or let him live here-mind boggling.
I have decided today that I cannot even talk to him on the phone anymore and listen to one more lie. It's very sad, but at the same time, it feels right. It has taken me years to get to this point. It's time to focus on myself and do the things that make me happy. I don't know how he is going to react, but I have blocked his number (thank god for that function) and I am going to put him in God's hands once and for all. I just hope that I continue to stay on this path.
I just wanted to write to tell you all thank you for sharing your feelings and stories here. I know I don't know any of you, but you have helped me in this journey and as much as I still hurt, I feel I'm doing the right thing by not having contact.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I had a long relationship with my ex's potential, and not the man he really was. Sounds like you have accepted what is and are moving on with your life in a healthy, positive way.
Congratulations on the new house and your school achievements. Hugs and welcome.
Congratulations on the new house and your school achievements. Hugs and welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 13
Thank you Ladyscribbler...
Sometimes I get so upset with myself that I have let it go on for so long when it was obvious to everyone else that he really didn't care or couldn't care.
It's time to look at the positive things that I have accomplished that I may not have done if I wasn't pushed so hard to make changes, like going to school and buying my own house and finally being okay without a man. I think I just wanted to be loved and have a relationship that I accepted very little. Now, I will not accept less from anyone or ever tell a man how to treat me.
Sometimes I get so upset with myself that I have let it go on for so long when it was obvious to everyone else that he really didn't care or couldn't care.
It's time to look at the positive things that I have accomplished that I may not have done if I wasn't pushed so hard to make changes, like going to school and buying my own house and finally being okay without a man. I think I just wanted to be loved and have a relationship that I accepted very little. Now, I will not accept less from anyone or ever tell a man how to treat me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Thank you for sharing your story.
Best wishes for a bright future, which is clearly where you are headed
Be strong with the No Contact if that is what your heart is telling you to do.
We are here if you need some back-up on that or anything else
Best wishes for a bright future, which is clearly where you are headed
Be strong with the No Contact if that is what your heart is telling you to do.
We are here if you need some back-up on that or anything else
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