Zoey update
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 249
Zoey update
Update:
Haven't been posting a lot on SR lately but I've been stopping by once and awhile, and using the 24 hour thread as a tool.
After a stint in treatment this summer followed by 3 months of sobriety I "went back out there" so to speak. I was really hoping I could try and moderate again, but sure enough that didn't last long.
My drinking and using picked right back up again, and before I knew it I was right back in the cycle of addiction. I was missing work a lot, lying, being deceitful, saying and doing things I either couldn't remember or regretted the next morning if I did. Nothing was being checked off my to-do list, my house was in disarray. I started isolating a lot again and spent a lot of the winter months in bed, either crying or feeling numb and depressed and anxious.
I almost lost my job which I've had for a year and a half (longest I've held down a job). The last time I was coming down off boose and alcohol I didn't even bother calling in sick. The next day at work I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. I was Sitting in my bosses office, about to get fired when I broke down crying and explained to him that I've been struggling with a mental disorder. That was the closest I could get to the truth, without saying outright that I'm struggling with addiction.
Thankfully he is a forgiving person, and to my surprise he gave me another chance. Although I've hit many lows in my addiction, that really hit home. I don't want to be that women who can't hold down a job, that is unreliable. Who is selfish. Who treats her body and mind like garbage. I don't want to waste any more years feeling depressed and hating myself for my choices. I don't want to ever have that feeling of wanting to end my own life.
I decided that I needed to find some help, that I cannot keep trying and failing over and over again. I started going to NA meetings. I never thought I would do that, I used to be very anti-twelve step.
I am so thankful that I've started going to the rooms. I leave the meetings feeling not so alone, and grounded. I enjoy listening to what others have to share about their recovery. It feels good to be surrounded by people who have made positive changes in their life and don't use drugs or alcohol to cope with life. I'm starting to come to an understanding of what a higher power means to me, and have even started praying. That isn't something I ever thought I would say.
I'm looking forward to continuing a life of sobriety, Despite the crazy ups and downs I've been feeling, i am grateful. I pray and hope my higher power, NA, SR, and meditation continue give me strength to keep going this journey.
Haven't been posting a lot on SR lately but I've been stopping by once and awhile, and using the 24 hour thread as a tool.
After a stint in treatment this summer followed by 3 months of sobriety I "went back out there" so to speak. I was really hoping I could try and moderate again, but sure enough that didn't last long.
My drinking and using picked right back up again, and before I knew it I was right back in the cycle of addiction. I was missing work a lot, lying, being deceitful, saying and doing things I either couldn't remember or regretted the next morning if I did. Nothing was being checked off my to-do list, my house was in disarray. I started isolating a lot again and spent a lot of the winter months in bed, either crying or feeling numb and depressed and anxious.
I almost lost my job which I've had for a year and a half (longest I've held down a job). The last time I was coming down off boose and alcohol I didn't even bother calling in sick. The next day at work I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. I was Sitting in my bosses office, about to get fired when I broke down crying and explained to him that I've been struggling with a mental disorder. That was the closest I could get to the truth, without saying outright that I'm struggling with addiction.
Thankfully he is a forgiving person, and to my surprise he gave me another chance. Although I've hit many lows in my addiction, that really hit home. I don't want to be that women who can't hold down a job, that is unreliable. Who is selfish. Who treats her body and mind like garbage. I don't want to waste any more years feeling depressed and hating myself for my choices. I don't want to ever have that feeling of wanting to end my own life.
I decided that I needed to find some help, that I cannot keep trying and failing over and over again. I started going to NA meetings. I never thought I would do that, I used to be very anti-twelve step.
I am so thankful that I've started going to the rooms. I leave the meetings feeling not so alone, and grounded. I enjoy listening to what others have to share about their recovery. It feels good to be surrounded by people who have made positive changes in their life and don't use drugs or alcohol to cope with life. I'm starting to come to an understanding of what a higher power means to me, and have even started praying. That isn't something I ever thought I would say.
I'm looking forward to continuing a life of sobriety, Despite the crazy ups and downs I've been feeling, i am grateful. I pray and hope my higher power, NA, SR, and meditation continue give me strength to keep going this journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,854
Welcome back, Zoey. Sorry to hear that you released and thst things became so difficult. Relieved to hear that you are now doing better and making such great progress.
Let's walk this path together.
Let's walk this path together.
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