I think he's on something else along with alcohol now
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I think he's on something else along with alcohol now
so the past couple weeks have been off/on with being okay. I've noticed that ABF's sobriety level will change from okay-ish to all out slammed in a matter of half an hour.
Yesterday he apparently told the sitter that he was taking DD fishing today when he picked her up. I asked the sitter this morning if he seemed "off" and she said he was very glassy-eyed. Not drunk, but not sober either.
He stopped and got gas on the way home and apparently got distracted with DD and drove off with THE PUMP STILL CONNECTED TO THE CAR. so he had to fix that (its a country store that we go to every day, old pumps, they let him fix it I guess).
When I got home he seemed okay, but he said he had to go back up to the gas station to finish fixing the pump while I watched dd. So that was fine, I was talking with my family about my brothers wedding that is at our house this Saturday.
When he got home about an hour later he was really glassy eyed and overly...happy? like excited? I'm not sure how to describe it. He was still drinking too. He kept repeating himself and asking the same questions over and over in a matter of minutes. And itseemed like he was just getting more incoherent with every sentence.
I think he is taking pills ontop of drinking, I know he has bought oxycodone or some kind of pain meds from a guy he works with before. Every time he does he gets this weird energy, and his mood will go from overly helpful to spiteful. Has anyone been around someone on pills too? I don't know what to do, I don't really care about helping him, but I'm not sure about how to handle the situation until I can get DD and I out.
Yesterday he apparently told the sitter that he was taking DD fishing today when he picked her up. I asked the sitter this morning if he seemed "off" and she said he was very glassy-eyed. Not drunk, but not sober either.
He stopped and got gas on the way home and apparently got distracted with DD and drove off with THE PUMP STILL CONNECTED TO THE CAR. so he had to fix that (its a country store that we go to every day, old pumps, they let him fix it I guess).
When I got home he seemed okay, but he said he had to go back up to the gas station to finish fixing the pump while I watched dd. So that was fine, I was talking with my family about my brothers wedding that is at our house this Saturday.
When he got home about an hour later he was really glassy eyed and overly...happy? like excited? I'm not sure how to describe it. He was still drinking too. He kept repeating himself and asking the same questions over and over in a matter of minutes. And itseemed like he was just getting more incoherent with every sentence.
I think he is taking pills ontop of drinking, I know he has bought oxycodone or some kind of pain meds from a guy he works with before. Every time he does he gets this weird energy, and his mood will go from overly helpful to spiteful. Has anyone been around someone on pills too? I don't know what to do, I don't really care about helping him, but I'm not sure about how to handle the situation until I can get DD and I out.
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Originally Posted by Blossom717 
so the past couple weeks have been off/on with being okay. I've noticed that ABF's sobriety level will change from okay-ish to all out slammed in a matter of half an hour.
Yesterday he apparently told the sitter that he was taking DD fishing today when he picked her up. I asked the sitter this morning if he seemed "off" and she said he was very glassy-eyed. Not drunk, but not sober either.
He stopped and got gas on the way home and apparently got distracted with DD and drove off with THE PUMP STILL CONNECTED TO THE CAR. so he had to fix that (its a country store that we go to every day, old pumps, they let him fix it I guess).
When I got home he seemed okay, but he said he had to go back up to the gas station to finish fixing the pump while I watched dd. So that was fine, I was talking with my family about my brothers wedding that is at our house this Saturday.
When he got home about an hour later he was really glassy eyed and overly...happy? like excited? I'm not sure how to describe it. He was still drinking too. He kept repeating himself and asking the same questions over and over in a matter of minutes. And itseemed like he was just getting more incoherent with every sentence.
I think he is taking pills ontop of drinking, I know he has bought oxycodone or some kind of pain meds from a guy he works with before. Every time he does he gets this weird energy, and his mood will go from overly helpful to spiteful. Has anyone been around someone on pills too? I don't know what to do, I don't really care about helping him, but I'm not sure about how to handle the situation until I can get DD and I out.
Yesterday he apparently told the sitter that he was taking DD fishing today when he picked her up. I asked the sitter this morning if he seemed "off" and she said he was very glassy-eyed. Not drunk, but not sober either.
He stopped and got gas on the way home and apparently got distracted with DD and drove off with THE PUMP STILL CONNECTED TO THE CAR. so he had to fix that (its a country store that we go to every day, old pumps, they let him fix it I guess).
When I got home he seemed okay, but he said he had to go back up to the gas station to finish fixing the pump while I watched dd. So that was fine, I was talking with my family about my brothers wedding that is at our house this Saturday.
When he got home about an hour later he was really glassy eyed and overly...happy? like excited? I'm not sure how to describe it. He was still drinking too. He kept repeating himself and asking the same questions over and over in a matter of minutes. And itseemed like he was just getting more incoherent with every sentence.
I think he is taking pills ontop of drinking, I know he has bought oxycodone or some kind of pain meds from a guy he works with before. Every time he does he gets this weird energy, and his mood will go from overly helpful to spiteful. Has anyone been around someone on pills too? I don't know what to do, I don't really care about helping him, but I'm not sure about how to handle the situation until I can get DD and I out.
But when you mix the stuff with alcohol, definitely it can make your brain go haywire, judgement goes down the tubes even faster than with alcohol on board. And opiates are very, very addictive. Again, can vouch for that personally.
What do you do? Pretty much what you would do with anyone in the throes of active addiction. Get away. Don't ever, ever ride in a car with him or let anyone else ride with him whom you know and love. Et cetera. Lots of other advice here.
-DrS
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Originally Posted by DocSobrietist
A year and a few months ago I started messing with pain pills (currently I'm nearly 1 year sober). Although I didn't drink as much as your husband probably does, I drank daily, and I can definitely vouch for the "weird energy." Most people who haven't tried them think that opiates just cause people to "nod off" or get sleepy - not true - the thing that many junkies like about them is just what you describe. I've read accounts of people who do a pop of heroin and then go crazy cleaning their house, stuff like that.
But when you mix the stuff with alcohol, definitely it can make your brain go haywire, judgement goes down the tubes even faster than with alcohol on board. And opiates are very, very addictive. Again, can vouch for that personally.
What do you do? Pretty much what you would do with anyone in the throes of active addiction. Get away. Don't ever, ever ride in a car with him or let anyone else ride with him whom you know and love. Et cetera. Lots of other advice here.
-DrS
But when you mix the stuff with alcohol, definitely it can make your brain go haywire, judgement goes down the tubes even faster than with alcohol on board. And opiates are very, very addictive. Again, can vouch for that personally.
What do you do? Pretty much what you would do with anyone in the throes of active addiction. Get away. Don't ever, ever ride in a car with him or let anyone else ride with him whom you know and love. Et cetera. Lots of other advice here.
-DrS
The whole cleaning the house thing....he will do that. He will wait until dd and I have gone to bed and I will wake up and there will be laundry hanging up...except they are hanging from the ceiling fan in the living room. Its happened a couple of times.
Last night he just talked a lot and acted fidgety.
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Originally Posted by Blossom717
The whole cleaning the house thing....he will do that. He will wait until dd and I have gone to bed and I will wake up and there will be laundry hanging up...except they are hanging from the ceiling fan in the living room. Its happened a couple of times.
Last night he just talked a lot and acted fidgety.
Last night he just talked a lot and acted fidgety.
He could also be taking uppers. Which is just as bad in many ways, but also in many ways could be worse.
Anyways, good luck.
-DrS
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Originally Posted by DocSobrietist
Does he look like he's extra sweaty? Does he scratch or rub himself a lot when he's "fidgety"? Pupils extra big? All potential signs of being on dope.
He could also be taking uppers. Which is just as bad in many ways, but also in many ways could be worse.
Anyways, good luck.
-DrS
He could also be taking uppers. Which is just as bad in many ways, but also in many ways could be worse.
Anyways, good luck.
-DrS
He is always extra sweaty from drinking. He doesn't scratch or rub himself but his eyes were extra glassy and he looked like he had too much saliva in his mouth (i don't know if i'm explaining that right.). He doesn't like uppers...only downers. If I get pain med prescriptions he bugs me to fill them so he can take them, so I never get them filled. I have a prescription for adderall for my ADHD and he thinks nothing of it.
Thanks for the information.
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Blossom, it does sound like he may be on something in addition to alcohol. You may never know what it is because many medications can produce the same symptoms and really what does it matter? He could be on one thing or ten different things. What matters are his behaviors and what you are willing to accept. Him being "out of it" and driving with your child is not safe. I would try to do what you can to see that he never drives with your child again. I know my ADH has done that in the past and I have threatened to call the police if I ever see it again. Hugs, I know how difficult it is. I am in the same boat. My ADH mixes alcohol and xanax but that just makes him sleepy but there are times he has this crazy energy too almost like he is manic (bipolar).
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Blossom, he could be on all sorts of things, who knows. It's his baggage, whatever it is, combination of drugs and alcohol or not.
I am just hoping you find another job opportunity, or some other door opens where you find a roommate, good friend, or family member to move in with. Look at all the possibilities...there may be one you haven't considered yet.
I am just hoping you find another job opportunity, or some other door opens where you find a roommate, good friend, or family member to move in with. Look at all the possibilities...there may be one you haven't considered yet.
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Blossom, do you have the phone number for your local DV center? Here's the number of the national hotline. They can help you with making plans to get out. Pack some bags for you and your daughter and store them at a safe place - either with someone trusted or ask your DV center for ideas.
1-800-799-7233
Safety planning: The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Path to Safety
Whether your situation includes domestic violence or not, simply not being in a safe situation calls for safety planning. Options and awareness make us stronger.
One thing I didn't know until after my husband went to rehab was that I can call 911 or the sheriff's office/police department anytime I'm worried about my situation at home for myself. Even if that means he's passed out and I am worried about what's going on in my life. Help is there. I'm finally learning to pick up the phone and call people. If one call doesn't work, now I keep calling. It's been a huge thing for me to know I have resources and to start connecting with them. For every one person who doesn't get it, I've now talked with several more who understand this much more than I do, even though I've been living with it.
Exactly this. At first I couldn't see any options at all. I kept hitting dead ends. The more I reached out, the more I brainstormed and looked for help, the more options I started seeing and that started opening up for me. Keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.
1-800-799-7233
Safety planning: The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Path to Safety
Whether your situation includes domestic violence or not, simply not being in a safe situation calls for safety planning. Options and awareness make us stronger.
One thing I didn't know until after my husband went to rehab was that I can call 911 or the sheriff's office/police department anytime I'm worried about my situation at home for myself. Even if that means he's passed out and I am worried about what's going on in my life. Help is there. I'm finally learning to pick up the phone and call people. If one call doesn't work, now I keep calling. It's been a huge thing for me to know I have resources and to start connecting with them. For every one person who doesn't get it, I've now talked with several more who understand this much more than I do, even though I've been living with it.
Originally Posted by BlueSkies1
Blossom, he could be on all sorts of things, who knows. It's his baggage, whatever it is, combination of drugs and alcohol or not.
I am just hoping you find another job opportunity, or some other door opens where you find a roommate, good friend, or family member to move in with. Look at all the possibilities...there may be one you haven't considered yet.
I am just hoping you find another job opportunity, or some other door opens where you find a roommate, good friend, or family member to move in with. Look at all the possibilities...there may be one you haven't considered yet.
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my SIL is addicted to scripts.....hydrocodone, ambien, klonopin.....and abuses all of them. this resulted after an accident on his bike in which he nearly lost his leg.
good guy....bad a$$ problem.
when he gets his scripts, he hits them hard....using a 30 day supply in 10 days.
he gets hyper beyond belief. I would have thought he would just get sleepy....but he goes at things like he's killing snakes.....jerky movements, wild eyed, talking loudly non-stop, flitting all about, starting scores of things but not finishing anything, and not doing them well at all. in fact, almost destroying anything he attempts to do.
but he is thinking the whole time that he is just dandy, and funny, and charming, and quite the intelligent one. he will become agitated and then start slinging things around, sighing, humphing, huffing, complaining about how he has to do EVERYTHING......gets on a real pity-pot.
it is unnerving. and he does really weird things....like your hubs hanging laundry off the ceiling fan.
my daughter left him. she has tried for 7 years to make it work....got too bizarre.
he became dangerous. took a handgun into a local tavern (he had been sober for 14 years) done a lot of mischief, got arrested.
take care. mr. nice guy here turned into someone that shocked the whole community.
(we live in a very small town, pop, 3500).
if it feels weird to you, then listen to yourself.
good guy....bad a$$ problem.
when he gets his scripts, he hits them hard....using a 30 day supply in 10 days.
he gets hyper beyond belief. I would have thought he would just get sleepy....but he goes at things like he's killing snakes.....jerky movements, wild eyed, talking loudly non-stop, flitting all about, starting scores of things but not finishing anything, and not doing them well at all. in fact, almost destroying anything he attempts to do.
but he is thinking the whole time that he is just dandy, and funny, and charming, and quite the intelligent one. he will become agitated and then start slinging things around, sighing, humphing, huffing, complaining about how he has to do EVERYTHING......gets on a real pity-pot.
it is unnerving. and he does really weird things....like your hubs hanging laundry off the ceiling fan.
my daughter left him. she has tried for 7 years to make it work....got too bizarre.
he became dangerous. took a handgun into a local tavern (he had been sober for 14 years) done a lot of mischief, got arrested.
take care. mr. nice guy here turned into someone that shocked the whole community.
(we live in a very small town, pop, 3500).
if it feels weird to you, then listen to yourself.
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Keepingthefaith - Thank you, I didn't know they can help you plan leaving. I'm going to call them on my lunch break. (ABF asked me to lunch today which is rare....he only does it after he knows he has done something he shouldn't, I cancelled it.)
I don't care so much about helping him anymore. I just am not sure how to document something I can't prove with out sounding crazy. I recorded some of his rambling last night, but that's it. I just don't want to loose DD to him, hes so manipulative.
I don't care so much about helping him anymore. I just am not sure how to document something I can't prove with out sounding crazy. I recorded some of his rambling last night, but that's it. I just don't want to loose DD to him, hes so manipulative.
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Blossom
My STBX is addicted to pain meds and mixes alcohol with them. Much of what you are describing is what I have seen in the last 2 years. He also thinks nothing of taking a pill someone else gives him so I was never 100% certain at anytime what he was mixing with the alcohol except when he managed to get an rx for meds or when he stole my medications.
The advice I was given here was to see an attorney, make an emergency exit plan and store an emergency bag with clothes and things I would need away from the house. I did and was working on that plan, allowing myself 6 months to get everything in order but all he** broke loose and I had to leave before my plans were finalized.
However, it was less difficult because I did follow what was suggested here and had sought legal advice as to what I could and could not do, I went to the police but they weren't much help, but they told me to leave for my own safety. I was able to pack all the important things he wouldn't notice and moved them out of the house. When the time came to go, I planned only 2 days in advance, had 5 people come in as soon as he left and was gone in 2 hours.
Even though I tried to be nice and calm, not rock the boat, so that I could finish my plans there is no way one can predict what an active alcoholic / addict will do next.
If you can't leave now, then the next best thing is to set a plan in motion, with a backup plan in case you have to leave for the safety of yourself and DD before your preferred plan is active.
My STBX is addicted to pain meds and mixes alcohol with them. Much of what you are describing is what I have seen in the last 2 years. He also thinks nothing of taking a pill someone else gives him so I was never 100% certain at anytime what he was mixing with the alcohol except when he managed to get an rx for meds or when he stole my medications.
The advice I was given here was to see an attorney, make an emergency exit plan and store an emergency bag with clothes and things I would need away from the house. I did and was working on that plan, allowing myself 6 months to get everything in order but all he** broke loose and I had to leave before my plans were finalized.
However, it was less difficult because I did follow what was suggested here and had sought legal advice as to what I could and could not do, I went to the police but they weren't much help, but they told me to leave for my own safety. I was able to pack all the important things he wouldn't notice and moved them out of the house. When the time came to go, I planned only 2 days in advance, had 5 people come in as soon as he left and was gone in 2 hours.
Even though I tried to be nice and calm, not rock the boat, so that I could finish my plans there is no way one can predict what an active alcoholic / addict will do next.
If you can't leave now, then the next best thing is to set a plan in motion, with a backup plan in case you have to leave for the safety of yourself and DD before your preferred plan is active.
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Originally Posted by Blossom717
Keepingthefaith - Thank you, I didn't know they can help you plan leaving. I'm going to call them on my lunch break. (ABF asked me to lunch today which is rare....he only does it after he knows he has done something he shouldn't, I cancelled it.)
I don't care so much about helping him anymore. I just am not sure how to document something I can't prove with out sounding crazy. I recorded some of his rambling last night, but that's it. I just don't want to loose DD to him, hes so manipulative.
I don't care so much about helping him anymore. I just am not sure how to document something I can't prove with out sounding crazy. I recorded some of his rambling last night, but that's it. I just don't want to loose DD to him, hes so manipulative.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...hat-abuse.html
This one has a lot of great threads to read. Take what helps. Look for things among this that can help you. There's a safety planning thread and several others that apply to situations that don't involve physical abuse.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
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never EVER let him DRIVE with your daughter in the car again. the sitter should not release her to anyone who looks high, stoned or drunk. if he could drive off with the pump still in the gas thing, he could easily have caused an accident, ran into a lightpole, flipped the car, WITH your DD inside. THAT should be the most important issue here not what he MIGHT be taking......
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Amen to this!!!! The DV people should be able to help you deal with that issue also. This may mean doing things you don't want to do, but nothing is more important than your baby's life!
My X abuses Xanax and alcohol. If he takes the Xanax it only takes him one of those big beers before he is drastically impaired. Scary stuff.
Tight hugs to you. Keep us updated and stay safe!
My X abuses Xanax and alcohol. If he takes the Xanax it only takes him one of those big beers before he is drastically impaired. Scary stuff.
Tight hugs to you. Keep us updated and stay safe!
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
never EVER let him DRIVE with your daughter in the car again. the sitter should not release her to anyone who looks high, stoned or drunk. if he could drive off with the pump still in the gas thing, he could easily have caused an accident, ran into a lightpole, flipped the car, WITH your DD inside. THAT should be the most important issue here not what he MIGHT be taking......
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Blossom I'm glad you are planning your exit. If he's on dope plus alcohol he's got huge problems. He can get violent or incoherent at the drop of a hat. Just by what you posted it looks very serious. I am an opiate addict in recovery and vouch for the quick energy those pills give you. If he's purchasing pills he's going to need lots of cash! I hope you have a separate bank account! Make sure he doesn't have access to it. If he is broke most of the time that is a huge red flag. Remove your valuables too....get anything and everything of value out of the house ASAP....or better yet....get him out.
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Anvilhead - It wasn't apparent to the sitter when he picked dd up, and I wasn't aware of it because I was still at work. I didn't notice until he came back home a few hours after I had been home, and by then she was with me. I don't typically let him drive her anywhere, except to pick her up from the sitters since he is just off work and a few miles home and I can't get off in time.
"THAT should be the most important issue here not what he MIGHT be taking...... "I'm not so much worried about what hes taking, I just need to be able to take the right steps around it before I can leave.
Hopeful - I tried calling the hotline on my lunch break but no answer. I'm going to try again when I get off work.
CleaninLi- Thankfully we aren't married, and I don't like to combine funds for reasons like this just from past experience. He doesn't even have total access over his own account, except his debit card. His dad controls his money and bills (btw hes almost 35...). But he does end up over drafting a lot and the bank takes money from his dad's and puts it into his. His dad is a big enabler.
"THAT should be the most important issue here not what he MIGHT be taking...... "I'm not so much worried about what hes taking, I just need to be able to take the right steps around it before I can leave.
Hopeful - I tried calling the hotline on my lunch break but no answer. I'm going to try again when I get off work.
CleaninLi- Thankfully we aren't married, and I don't like to combine funds for reasons like this just from past experience. He doesn't even have total access over his own account, except his debit card. His dad controls his money and bills (btw hes almost 35...). But he does end up over drafting a lot and the bank takes money from his dad's and puts it into his. His dad is a big enabler.
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Blossom this is a thread about signs and symptoms of an opiate addict. If you have time to look thru it....you might find some that you identify with.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-answers.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-answers.html
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"THAT should be the most important issue here not what he MIGHT be taking...... "I'm not so much worried about what hes taking, I just need to be able to take the right steps around it before I can leave..
and now that you KNOW he is capable of driving your daughter while f'd up you can even further limit that. he cannot be trusted. he does not have sound judgement and cannot put your daughter's safety first. imagine in your mind that he's a blindfolded chimpanzee - i'm just concerned for your little girl, as i know you are.
and now that you KNOW he is capable of driving your daughter while f'd up you can even further limit that. he cannot be trusted. he does not have sound judgement and cannot put your daughter's safety first. imagine in your mind that he's a blindfolded chimpanzee - i'm just concerned for your little girl, as i know you are.
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They think this is what might be what killed the ABF-combining pills and alcohol.
He used to do it, years ago. Then he quit, and just kept drinking. He was never addicted to the pills-just the alcohol.
A month before he died, he started hanging out with his ex-wife's husband (which seemed very odd to me anyway-eww) who is a known heroin addict. He swore up and down he wasn't doing it, but I heard different. And the story going around is that he bought some from him that night.
I only don't believe this because he was terrified of needles. No way would he get within 10 feet of one, let alone stick one in his arm. But some other method-yeah, I could see it, especially because he was having a bad time and he could have just said, F it, I'm gonna do it. And it killed him, or maybe not, who knows, I reserve judgment until the autopsy results are in. But I could see the possibility of that happening.
That is some dangerous s*** and he needs to stop now. He runs that risk of combining something fatal every single time he does it. And God forbid if his heart stops or something while he is driving the baby around.
He used to do it, years ago. Then he quit, and just kept drinking. He was never addicted to the pills-just the alcohol.
A month before he died, he started hanging out with his ex-wife's husband (which seemed very odd to me anyway-eww) who is a known heroin addict. He swore up and down he wasn't doing it, but I heard different. And the story going around is that he bought some from him that night.
I only don't believe this because he was terrified of needles. No way would he get within 10 feet of one, let alone stick one in his arm. But some other method-yeah, I could see it, especially because he was having a bad time and he could have just said, F it, I'm gonna do it. And it killed him, or maybe not, who knows, I reserve judgment until the autopsy results are in. But I could see the possibility of that happening.
That is some dangerous s*** and he needs to stop now. He runs that risk of combining something fatal every single time he does it. And God forbid if his heart stops or something while he is driving the baby around.
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Did you try calling the nat'l dv hotline or a local one? If you're not getting an answer or it's busy, try a search for one in a nearby city -- or in another state if you need to. It was really good for me to have someone to talk to in person. Getting some info tonight could be good even if you need to call your local hotline again tomorrow. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
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