The legal system
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
The legal system
I think the legal system is going to help destroy my daughter. She has been in and out of jail for Heroine use 4 times now. Warrants in 3 different counties. Her longest stay was 75 days but this last round just has me stumped....totally! Don't get me wrong - I don't want my daughter in jail but it's the only time I can sleep knowing she is off the streets. So she spent like 6 days in there waiting for court on Monday. A friend of hers got a voice mail that said they wanted to release her on a tether. He never called back or responded. I tried to call them 3 times but they wouldn't call me back. All of a sudden the Friday before court he gets a call,,,,,, FROM HER! She is in the parking lot at the jail with a tether on and said come and get me I'm out! Just like that. They never verified who he was or that she even lived there. Just through the tether on and kicked her out the door. Then comes court on Monday.......she shows up mad and being rude when they want to **** test her................then they take the tether off.......give her 3 months probation and let her go! I'm sorry but what the hell???? Ten minutes after arriving back home she was back out the door and on the streets again. I feel like they are playing games with my daughters life. She needs HELP! Can I sue the system...............before I end up having to burry her 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA
Posts: 164
Its a sad fact of life that the criminal justice system is not set up to actually help people, just keep them locked up for period of time. Another fact about addiction is your daughter is not going to get better until she chooses sobriety for herself, and makes the changes in her life that will require. I do not think you should put your hopes in the court system, but instead should start seeking out other resources to help with your daughters problem.
Please check out the friends and family forum to connect with others in your situation, having a loved one struggle with addiction.
Best of wishes.
Please check out the friends and family forum to connect with others in your situation, having a loved one struggle with addiction.
Best of wishes.
Better man in progress!
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 70
I dont want to sound rude but why are you waiting for the "system" to save your daughter??
Your daughter is sick and YOU, her parent, you are waiting for the governement to put her in jail?
System might be lazy i admit, but you need to get a grip and help your daughter.
Your daughter is sick and YOU, her parent, you are waiting for the governement to put her in jail?
System might be lazy i admit, but you need to get a grip and help your daughter.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry Nonnie. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling.
It's all very well for folks here to say help her or do something ...I know the well meaning behind that, but I also remember my life as an addict - noone could do anything for me.
I needed to do it for myself.
Eventually I had a moment of clarity and I sought out help for myself. I hope your daughter will have that same moment of clarity.
Have you thought about something like Al Anon or Nar Anon for yourself Nonnie, for support from people who been through this?
You should also check out our Family and Friends forums here too :
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
It's all very well for folks here to say help her or do something ...I know the well meaning behind that, but I also remember my life as an addict - noone could do anything for me.
I needed to do it for myself.
Eventually I had a moment of clarity and I sought out help for myself. I hope your daughter will have that same moment of clarity.
Have you thought about something like Al Anon or Nar Anon for yourself Nonnie, for support from people who been through this?
You should also check out our Family and Friends forums here too :
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by hellhammer 
I dont want to sound rude but why are you waiting for the "system" to save your daughter??
Your daughter is sick and YOU, her parent, you are waiting for the governement to put her in jail?
System might be lazy i admit, but you need to get a grip and help your daughter.
Your daughter is sick and YOU, her parent, you are waiting for the governement to put her in jail?
System might be lazy i admit, but you need to get a grip and help your daughter.
We cannot hog tie our loved ones and drag them kicking and screaming into rehab.
They have to want it. I know I did. No one could have forced me to quit drinking. I had to come to that point on my own.
I hope your daughter will someday get to that point.
In the meantime pray for her and yourself. It takes a lot of courage and strength to let go and hope they find a their way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
With kindness and compassion, I don't think the criminal justice system is going to be able to take care of your daughter.
I really hope that she makes a choice to seek help for her addiction.
I really hope that she makes a choice to seek help for her addiction.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
nonnie - my heart aches for you. I'm teary-eyed reading your post.
My niece was a heroin addict for years and I witnessed the pain, anger, guilt, frustration and heart break my sister went through in trying to help her. It was very painful for her to realize that she could not save her daughter and to let go. There were times when the courts did offer her help, but even after court ordered rehab my niece fell back into old habits. Just as my sister couldn't make her get better, neither could the courts. Eventually my niece got in serious trouble, not just for using but for living with a dealer. She was put in a court ordered program. In time a change did happen in her and she started wanting and working on recovery. There was a time when we thought she was going to die, and there was a time when my sister cried to me and told me part of her wished my niece would die because she couldn't stand to see her daughter suffering and living this horrible existence. We pray that my niece has made it through to other side and stays there. She and my sister have both been through alot and are recovering. I will pray for the same for you and your daughter.
In the meantime, I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is maybe to get support for yourself. My sister went to Al Anon. It helped her get through the period when my niece wasn't ready to accept help, helped her to set boundaries and it gave her tools to support my niece without enabling when she was ready to get help for herself. I'll be thinking of you nonnie.
My niece was a heroin addict for years and I witnessed the pain, anger, guilt, frustration and heart break my sister went through in trying to help her. It was very painful for her to realize that she could not save her daughter and to let go. There were times when the courts did offer her help, but even after court ordered rehab my niece fell back into old habits. Just as my sister couldn't make her get better, neither could the courts. Eventually my niece got in serious trouble, not just for using but for living with a dealer. She was put in a court ordered program. In time a change did happen in her and she started wanting and working on recovery. There was a time when we thought she was going to die, and there was a time when my sister cried to me and told me part of her wished my niece would die because she couldn't stand to see her daughter suffering and living this horrible existence. We pray that my niece has made it through to other side and stays there. She and my sister have both been through alot and are recovering. I will pray for the same for you and your daughter.
In the meantime, I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is maybe to get support for yourself. My sister went to Al Anon. It helped her get through the period when my niece wasn't ready to accept help, helped her to set boundaries and it gave her tools to support my niece without enabling when she was ready to get help for herself. I'll be thinking of you nonnie.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I agree here, forcing her into rehab will do no good. She will not stay sober till she wants to be.
Get some help for yourself to help you cope with this. I have kid and know that you can't help but worry but getting help in the friends and family section and Al Anon or Nar Anon may help you understand her addiction.
Get some help for yourself to help you cope with this. I have kid and know that you can't help but worry but getting help in the friends and family section and Al Anon or Nar Anon may help you understand her addiction.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Any judicial system unfortunalty will fall short of the care and treatment that your daughter needs, they are primarily designed to enforce decisions by a court and secondary needs may fall well short.
However as mentioned your daughter has to want help, only she can help herself, coming from the experience of having an addiction, no one could have told me I had a problem or helped me until I admitted it myself.
Getting support for yourself could be helpful though!!
However as mentioned your daughter has to want help, only she can help herself, coming from the experience of having an addiction, no one could have told me I had a problem or helped me until I admitted it myself.
Getting support for yourself could be helpful though!!
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Rehabs aren't an instant cure. They're a start. I've been in 4. 2 in-patient, 2 out. A couple hundred meetings too. Took quite some time but I'm grateful for all of it; eventually it sunk in. I don't think I'd be here now without it.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 114
Nonnie, you need to take care of you! You cannot control another human being, or choose their fate. I can't imagine the pain that you are feeling, but I'm around the "system" all day long, and it will not be the answer unless you are filthy rich. Praying for you
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: S.E. Wisconsin
Posts: 341
I understand your frustration with this CJS.
She should have been ordered by the judge
to enter treatment or spend additional time
in jail. Does being ordered into treatment work?
More often than we think.
She should have been ordered by the judge
to enter treatment or spend additional time
in jail. Does being ordered into treatment work?
More often than we think.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
You can ask of the courts to force her into treatment...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Thank you soooooo much for your support! I am very glad I found this site and people that understand. There are a lot of people that just don't understand and that makes it hard to. I know I have to take care of "ME" and I'm trying to focus on that as best I can.
Again - thank you!
Again - thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
Off the top of my head, you don't have a cause of action against the court system because (1) you lack standing; (2) the courts have immunity; (3) you simply don't have a cause of action against the court system.
I have a daughter too, who is eighteen and going to college this year, so I have thought long and hard about parenting over the years. I think you get eighteen years to do the best you can in raising them and then the chips fall where they're gonna fall. You could do the best job in the universe on your end and your kid might just end up a holy terror and a risk to herself and others, and on the other hand you could be a hard and flawed man who probably lacked in numerous areas of parenting and your kid might despite all that end up a shining star.
Either way, once they hit adulthood, that parenting ship has sailed out of the harbor. You do what you can to be helpful and friendly, but if junior is hell-bent on being a crashed and burning wreck there's little you can do about it at this late stage of the game.
I have a daughter too, who is eighteen and going to college this year, so I have thought long and hard about parenting over the years. I think you get eighteen years to do the best you can in raising them and then the chips fall where they're gonna fall. You could do the best job in the universe on your end and your kid might just end up a holy terror and a risk to herself and others, and on the other hand you could be a hard and flawed man who probably lacked in numerous areas of parenting and your kid might despite all that end up a shining star.
Either way, once they hit adulthood, that parenting ship has sailed out of the harbor. You do what you can to be helpful and friendly, but if junior is hell-bent on being a crashed and burning wreck there's little you can do about it at this late stage of the game.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 6
Venting about the system was just that.....venting. I know the system is not the answer, but they are playing games with her and me. I had a slight moment of hope when they put the tether on. Even though she was out of jail, her attitude seemed better almost promising, then 3 days later when they took it off her whole attitude changed, I could even tell in the tone of her voice. It's hard enough dealing with the stress of what she is doing......but now I also have to deal with trying to understand the screwed up system and how they are jerking her around and at the same time messing with my emotions. And just to clarify - "get a grip and help her" - if it was that easy - she would be fixed already.
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