Last connection to us.
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Last connection to us.
I sent a text to AH to pick up his dog (ours but legally his). I haven't pushed the issue because I hate this is going to happen but I know it needs to. He sends me a text to call him so I do and he begins to tell me can it wait yada! yada! I know he doesn't want to because then the responsibilities of picking him up and caring for him will change. (Not my problem I know)
He went on to tell me if I feel he is an inconvenient he will come get him tomorrow and he wants to make it perfectly clear that he was planning on getting him but since I want him to come get him he will. He said he doesn't have gas and dog food. I explain I was planning on giving him dog food. So he said What do I want him to do figure out the gas and come get him this second because I am being inconvenience? Then he asks what happened? I blurted out you choose drugs and alcohol. I feel now I made the mistake of even reaching out to him in the first place. He's talking to me as if were old pals or something. Real nice and sweet. He asked if he could call me back I said yes but he is on call reject so I won't be answering. I will play dumb.
I feel very lonely and sad right now. I feel abandoned . Sometimes I just don't know if I am ready to move on because I feel I want to experience a healthy relationship and do healthy things again like go to a movie with a guy or dinner or if I'm trading one problem for another. I know there is nothing wrong with being single I get that too but, I just feel I've been lonely for 10+ years I think it's time. I think what i'm trying to say is I want some company. Not to have sex or anything but to know another man in my life lol. I think it's pretty sad I don't know any other men that are single to go do something with.
Has anyone else felt this way?
He went on to tell me if I feel he is an inconvenient he will come get him tomorrow and he wants to make it perfectly clear that he was planning on getting him but since I want him to come get him he will. He said he doesn't have gas and dog food. I explain I was planning on giving him dog food. So he said What do I want him to do figure out the gas and come get him this second because I am being inconvenience? Then he asks what happened? I blurted out you choose drugs and alcohol. I feel now I made the mistake of even reaching out to him in the first place. He's talking to me as if were old pals or something. Real nice and sweet. He asked if he could call me back I said yes but he is on call reject so I won't be answering. I will play dumb.
I feel very lonely and sad right now. I feel abandoned . Sometimes I just don't know if I am ready to move on because I feel I want to experience a healthy relationship and do healthy things again like go to a movie with a guy or dinner or if I'm trading one problem for another. I know there is nothing wrong with being single I get that too but, I just feel I've been lonely for 10+ years I think it's time. I think what i'm trying to say is I want some company. Not to have sex or anything but to know another man in my life lol. I think it's pretty sad I don't know any other men that are single to go do something with.
Has anyone else felt this way?
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you DO have the dog...and I bet HE was real happy to see you come home today? and would gladly lie near you while you rested or ate dinner, just to be close to you? and would love it if you would play with him in the yard, or go for a walk, so simply scratch him by the ear......
he doesn't care enough about anyone or anything...not even his DOG. why would you hope to get attention for someone who leaves their canine companion behind and can't find the time to come get him....and then complains he doesn't have the money to feed him?
he doesn't care enough about anyone or anything...not even his DOG. why would you hope to get attention for someone who leaves their canine companion behind and can't find the time to come get him....and then complains he doesn't have the money to feed him?
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
you DO have the dog...and I bet HE was real happy to see you come home today? and would gladly lie near you while you rested or ate dinner, just to be close to you? and would love it if you would play with him in the yard, or go for a walk, so simply scratch him by the ear......
he doesn't care enough about anyone or anything...not even his DOG. why would you hope to get attention for someone who leaves their canine companion behind and can't find the time to come get him....and then complains he doesn't have the money to feed him?
he doesn't care enough about anyone or anything...not even his DOG. why would you hope to get attention for someone who leaves their canine companion behind and can't find the time to come get him....and then complains he doesn't have the money to feed him?
I don't disagree one bit with you. I have been struggling with this decision for a long time. I have been doing allot of things to keep things no contact however, when he pops up here he tells me how much his misses his dog.
That is the excuse he uses now.
Any other ideas/suggestions?
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Tell him he can have visitation. This is on him, and since he doesn't want to be responsible, it is unfair to put the poor dog through all that. So tell him you will keep him for now, until he has his ish together, and he can have visitation until he manages to save up enough money to buy some dog food.
That way you don't have to listen to anything else, and if he wants to say he misses the dog, then he needs to have visitation, go to the park, go eat an ice cream cone, whatever it is that dogs do. Hopefully, he won't try to talk to you for several days after that, until the next time he wants visitation.
That way you don't have to listen to anything else, and if he wants to say he misses the dog, then he needs to have visitation, go to the park, go eat an ice cream cone, whatever it is that dogs do. Hopefully, he won't try to talk to you for several days after that, until the next time he wants visitation.
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Originally Posted by inpieces314
Tell him he can have visitation. This is on him, and since he doesn't want to be responsible, it is unfair to put the poor dog through all that. So tell him you will keep him for now, until he has his ish together, and he can have visitation until he manages to save up enough money to buy some dog food.
That way you don't have to listen to anything else, and if he wants to say he misses the dog, then he needs to have visitation, go to the park, go eat an ice cream cone, whatever it is that dogs do. Hopefully, he won't try to talk to you for several days after that, until the next time he wants visitation.
That way you don't have to listen to anything else, and if he wants to say he misses the dog, then he needs to have visitation, go to the park, go eat an ice cream cone, whatever it is that dogs do. Hopefully, he won't try to talk to you for several days after that, until the next time he wants visitation.
I have been dealing with this for 6 years. We have separated to many times to count before I found out the truth.
He has his own place- I believe he is lying about the money issue. He has 2 vehicles, boat he just paid off and condo he isn't hurting for $$.
I don't want to do the visitation anymore b/c he comes over on drugs and drinking. We live an hour away so I feel like I am part to blame to have him on the roads to drive. And then he drags his feet to leave and the chaos begins.
I guess writing this out I should of not contacted him and deal with it.
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Ok, so solution #2.
Back to no contact. Including the dog.
Since the dog is legally his, he will have to go to court to settle the dispute. Since he isn't going to do that (because then he would be responsible), there is no issue.
Oh, and the other thing, yes, I know how you feel. Well, not really-I kind of turned myself off to men because I am afraid with everything I have going on (like kids, work, law school, etc.) men would run away from me. Not to mention, I have no time for a relationship.
I think it is very hard to start over in a new relationship. I think that is a scary thing. I think, especially for people like us, that the thought of getting exactly the same thing you got rid of last time keeps people from trying to experience that relationship.
Back to no contact. Including the dog.
Since the dog is legally his, he will have to go to court to settle the dispute. Since he isn't going to do that (because then he would be responsible), there is no issue.
Oh, and the other thing, yes, I know how you feel. Well, not really-I kind of turned myself off to men because I am afraid with everything I have going on (like kids, work, law school, etc.) men would run away from me. Not to mention, I have no time for a relationship.
I think it is very hard to start over in a new relationship. I think that is a scary thing. I think, especially for people like us, that the thought of getting exactly the same thing you got rid of last time keeps people from trying to experience that relationship.
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Originally Posted by inpieces314
Ok, so solution #2.
Back to no contact. Including the dog.
Since the dog is legally his, he will have to go to court to settle the dispute. Since he isn't going to do that (because then he would be responsible), there is no issue.
Oh, and the other thing, yes, I know how you feel. Well, not really-I kind of turned myself off to men because I am afraid with everything I have going on (like kids, work, law school, etc.) men would run away from me. Not to mention, I have no time for a relationship.
I think it is very hard to start over in a new relationship. I think that is a scary thing. I think, especially for people like us, that the thought of getting exactly the same thing you got rid of last time keeps people from trying to experience that relationship.
Back to no contact. Including the dog.
Since the dog is legally his, he will have to go to court to settle the dispute. Since he isn't going to do that (because then he would be responsible), there is no issue.
Oh, and the other thing, yes, I know how you feel. Well, not really-I kind of turned myself off to men because I am afraid with everything I have going on (like kids, work, law school, etc.) men would run away from me. Not to mention, I have no time for a relationship.
I think it is very hard to start over in a new relationship. I think that is a scary thing. I think, especially for people like us, that the thought of getting exactly the same thing you got rid of last time keeps people from trying to experience that relationship.
I don't want a man as a boyfriend/romance just someone to talk to or do something like a movie or dinner. I use to have several male friends before him and now I have no one. *sigh*
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how about one of those dating websites?
That's how it starts out, anyway, just getting to know each other (I guess, I have never done it), dinner and a movie, etc. And you don't have to be exclusive, you could do it with 2 or 3 guys, that way you can spread them all out, one a week for a couple weeks, and work your way toward a friendship.
And you can be upfront with them, because I bet there are men out there somewhere (although nowhere near here) who would also just like companionship and aren't looking for anything else too.
That's how it starts out, anyway, just getting to know each other (I guess, I have never done it), dinner and a movie, etc. And you don't have to be exclusive, you could do it with 2 or 3 guys, that way you can spread them all out, one a week for a couple weeks, and work your way toward a friendship.
And you can be upfront with them, because I bet there are men out there somewhere (although nowhere near here) who would also just like companionship and aren't looking for anything else too.
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You'll find someone, or you won't.
25 years ago I got divorced. I haven't remarried. I've only had two serious relationships, both lasted a couple years.
I'm done. And more done. My life is nice and peaceful, TYVM.
I hope you can find a way to find room in your heart for the dog, though. Poor dog doesn't deserve to live with your X.
25 years ago I got divorced. I haven't remarried. I've only had two serious relationships, both lasted a couple years.
I'm done. And more done. My life is nice and peaceful, TYVM.
I hope you can find a way to find room in your heart for the dog, though. Poor dog doesn't deserve to live with your X.
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Originally Posted by inpieces314
how about one of those dating websites?
That's how it starts out, anyway, just getting to know each other (I guess, I have never done it), dinner and a movie, etc. And you don't have to be exclusive, you could do it with 2 or 3 guys, that way you can spread them all out, one a week for a couple weeks, and work your way toward a friendship.
And you can be upfront with them, because I bet there are men out there somewhere (although nowhere near here) who would also just like companionship and aren't looking for anything else too.
That's how it starts out, anyway, just getting to know each other (I guess, I have never done it), dinner and a movie, etc. And you don't have to be exclusive, you could do it with 2 or 3 guys, that way you can spread them all out, one a week for a couple weeks, and work your way toward a friendship.
And you can be upfront with them, because I bet there are men out there somewhere (although nowhere near here) who would also just like companionship and aren't looking for anything else too.
Funny you mentioned that. I signed up and saw the men available and thought to myself oh boy i'm in trouble if this is what is all that is left in the world. I deleted the account.
I think the reason I am not scared is just because i'm not looking for a relationship just someone to hang out with.
Humm maybe I should hang out at homedepot in the lumber area more lol.
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Originally Posted by embraced2000
.......or a bait shop.
I love to fish. bait shop....fishermen!
but, I too, have decided that fishing by myself or with grandchildren can be more rewarding.
I think I've lost "it". sigh!!!
I love to fish. bait shop....fishermen!
but, I too, have decided that fishing by myself or with grandchildren can be more rewarding.
I think I've lost "it". sigh!!!
My AH is a professional fisherman. I HATE FISHING now.
But yes that is definitely a place to meet men.
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Originally Posted by embraced2000
omg, radiant! I had no idea.....sorry!
All part of the bass club and get this either divorced or going through a divorce.
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I was re reading my post and realized how I am still not fully detached. I thought I was but apparently I am not. 
So AH told me he would be here to get him at 5:30pm. Is he here nope, that gut twisting pit in my stomach I haven't felt in awhile consumed me. I called and fussed. Why can't I just not give a dang?
He said he just got off work which I know 100% he is lying. I told him nothing changes does it?
I know better, I know he will always lie to me and reading others post I know he will always cause me pain over and over again.
So AH told me he would be here to get him at 5:30pm. Is he here nope, that gut twisting pit in my stomach I haven't felt in awhile consumed me. I called and fussed. Why can't I just not give a dang?
He said he just got off work which I know 100% he is lying. I told him nothing changes does it?
I know better, I know he will always lie to me and reading others post I know he will always cause me pain over and over again.
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detachment, for me, was a learned skill. it took me many times of backsliding before I was finally able to practice it effectively.
see my signature?....THAT is how I had to learn....one step at a time.
keep practicing....it gets clearer.
see my signature?....THAT is how I had to learn....one step at a time.
keep practicing....it gets clearer.
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Originally Posted by embraced2000
detachment, for me, was a learned skill. it took me many times of backsliding before I was finally able to practice it effectively.
see my signature?....THAT is how I had to learn....one step at a time.
keep practicing....it gets clearer.
see my signature?....THAT is how I had to learn....one step at a time.
keep practicing....it gets clearer.
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so he got to the house last night and I decided to take a bath before speaking to him afterwards the conversation was short and he didn't want to leave of course but I told him I was tired and he needed to leaveI do feel as if a big weight has been lifted off my shouldersI do miss my big doggie but I do Phil OK at the same time
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