Blossom717

I've been trying to stay positive, strong, detached.
I've been praying, reading, and working on myself.

The next step was to find a better job, one I could afford an appartment for DD and I with. I had an interview a few weeks ago with a job that was in my reach. it was right there.

But I didn't get it. I know I shouldn't let it bring me down but it has. I'm so tired of not feeling good enough for anything or anyone. Why is it so hard? I do 3 people's jobs here. I can barely afford necessities. I don't know how much longer I can take living in this situation. Something has to give. I'm tired of waiting, hoping, and trying to be responsible without it working out. How is it that the Alcoholic in my life can be responsible for nothing yet everything turns out okay for him?

Where's my break??

Patticakes

Oh Blossom I so totally understand you! I have had those days.... those weeks... those months! When I reach those times (more often than I like for sure!) are the times I have to really, really let go and let God. I just pray over and over, "Lord I know you have this, I trust you, I trust your plan. Please hold tight to me in my weakness and impatience." Sometimes I even yell at God.....I cry afterwards and say I am sorry, but sometimes the flood gates open.

This too shall pass.... and I believe what is coming your way will be better than you could have ever imagined. Keep the faith my friend, even when it feels like you have no faith left.

Prayers, hugs and praying for a feeling a comfort and peace to flow over you.

honeypig

This ^^^^, in spades.

I've seen the following things posted here in the past and saved them in a file on my computer for when they'd be needed again. I think this is the time:

Often we don't know what courage we have until there is no other option.

and

Recovery is being asked to give up everything you know to get something better that you don't understand yet.

and

When things in your life seem like they are falling apart, maybe they are falling into place.

I hope these words from others here at SR will help you keep on going. There will be a sunrise at the end of your dark night, Blossom!

((((Hugs))))

Patticakes

Honeypig..... Amen, amen, AMEN!!!!!!!!

Blossom717

thank you. I know he has a plan for me, sometimes I wish he'd send me a map though!

I just so desperately want to leave, I want to get out and take my dd and move somewhere that's just for us. I don't want to have to live with family because their situations aren't much better. I noticed the other day that my not-even-3 year old bites her nails from stress. I feel somewhat responsible for that.

I will keep praying. I will keep working at it, I know its not easy. Sometimes I wish parts of it would be easy to help keep me going.

Patticakes

OH my goodness..... I pray for those maps at times too!!

You may decide the healthiest thing for you and your child IS to leave. When you make that decision from a place of serenity within yourself.... you will be doing the right thing.

For me I KNOW God uses these tough times to bring me closer to him. When I can rejoice in nothing else, I can rejoice that I am his and he is my strength and hope.

Love to you Sister.