devastated1

I haven't been here in a while and am just hurting right now. I have been reading posts on this sight and all the progress and success stories since I first came here about 3 years ago and my story hasn't changed. My son is still a completely out of control alcoholic. Losing jobs, friends, girlfriends because of drinking. He recently got kicked out of the room he rents because of it, and lost another job. No matter how many arrests or terrible things that happen, he doesn't hit bottom.

I have gotten so much useful, encouraging information from this sight and realize I didn't cause this and there is nothing I can do. It just still breaks my heart to watch him continue to destroy his life and take everyone down around him. I don't live with him and refuse to talk to him if he calls drunk but I can't stop the fear. I still wake up each morning hoping he is still alive. Then when I find out that he is, I hate him for doing what he's doing.

He is now 24 and has been drinking since 16. I am wondering if it will ever be possible for me to find happiness in my life or if I'll just have this hurt and fear for the rest of my life.

ladyscribbler

Hugs. I read some of your previous threads and see that this has been going on for awhile. It's heartbreaking to read what you've been through with your son. I have two little boys myself.
Did you ever follow up on checking out an alanon meeting? My group has a lot of parents in your same shoes and they are able to find support and understanding in real life.
Take care.

Charmed3

I am so sorry for what you are feeling right now. I first discovered the truth about alcoholism 8 years ago. I found this site and posted a few times but thought things were improving and so after a while I quite coming back. I was so sure that many of the people posting couldn't possibly have the same problems as me - and besides I was bound and determined to stand by my man and fix it.

Well I tried over and over, I would follow some of the principals, get results for a bit and slip back to my codependent behavior. Before I knew it - he was out of control and so was I again.

I am no where near successful, my marriage is now over. But I used to have many more sad days than happy and now I have more happy than sad.

Hang in there sweetie, it is always going to be difficult but as you learn how to take care of you and how to cope with what you can not control things do get better.

HopefulmomtoD

I'm not around here as much anymore- but I remember you and your DS. I'm so sorry that he's still lost in his alcoholism. I wish I could think of something to say that will make your pain go away- but I know there is nothing I can say. Its so horrifically painful to watch your child go through this and know that there is nothing you can do to help them.

From reading here, it seems like a lot of parents get relief from alanon or some other kind of support groups. I have known parents who have managed to compartmentalize their pain and experience joy in their lives despite having a child with an addiction.

desypete

i would endorse the previous posters advice on trying to find help within the sister fellowship of aa, al anon, there full of wives husbands family members of alcoholics, they have gone through exactly what you describe and more and some are still having to cope with it all just like you do

i feel your pain and frustration, i was 23 years old when i came into aa on my first time and i was just like your son, getting drunk, doing silly things, losing jobs, hurting everyone around me who loved me the list goes on and on
but i couldn't see it, and never will see it so long as i have a belly full of booze to run into
i would get into trouble and promise i am going to quit and mean it at the time but really i only did it to get people off my backs or to get them to help me out in some way
only when people stood up to me and washed there hands of me did i have to take what i was doing seriously
i wish you luck and please contact al anon as i know they can really help you big time