rdcrds

Well my Daughter got a visit today from CPS again about her drug use. The guy was really nice and talked to both of us alone.

He was following up from a week ago. Anyway bottom line my Daughter refused the drug test which she told the guy she used Roxy's but that was false she uses Herion. He told her she should refuse it and that he gives her 1 week.

He said he will be back in 1 week and if she fails the drug test she has to move out and can only see the kids with us being here until she gets clean.

He also told her she should go back to the Methadone clinic if she can't go cold turkey.

I do NOT like the fact he said she can see them but has to move out cause then she could just come around when she wants and keep using her Herion and then we are the ones who keep doing what we have been doing for 2 months now which is everything with them. Only difference would be she would not live here.

Anyway i have begged her to get clean for the week from now. She would also fail for meth which she thinks she can stop doing.

I really hope and pray she gets it. I am not happy about the clinic again but it would be better than needles but they should have told her she just can't see them when she wants if we are around.

Plus sooner or later there Bio Dad would go for custody i am sure down the road. I am happy they would live here with me but they love there mom and she needs to get right so please pray.

rdcrds

Also my Daughter claims Herion is in the same family as methadone so would her test be different if she was on methadone or Herion since both are in the same family of drugs? I really pray she sticks to this as she claims it only takes 2-3 days for Meth to get out of the system and after today she claims now she is done with it.

hopeful4

Very very rarely can someone kick meth or H on their own. She needs inpatient therapy and even that has a high relapse rate. If she did inpatient it would need to be for an extended amount of time.

It's sad to me how much brunt the family of an addict has to bear. Sadly, maybe if she fails the tests it will progress into her realizing she has to get some very real help and treatment. What a clinic does not do it look at the mental aspect as to why she would use in the first place and what lifestyle changes she needs to make to avoid it in the future.

Just my opinion. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. You and your family are in my prayers.

Ann

I'm sorry she and you are going through this right now. I always say, God bless the grandmas that take care of the babies.

Do you have legal custody of the children? If you do you may get to set the conditions under which she could or could not see her children. It might be good to get some legal advice on this, you have been put in a position where you may need it.

My prayers go out for all of you.

Hugs

rdcrds

Well she was on Roxy's before and went to the Methadone clinic and got off them. Herion is all in the same family. They should not give them such a easy out. Telling her she can have visits whenever she wants as long as we are here is stupid. That is like telling a junkie go binge all you want and when you feel like seeing your kids ask and go see them. They give to give them more of a shock then you have 1 week get clean or get into the methadone clinic.

I will know by Monday cause she swares she is getting off the stuff so we shall see.

chicory

Thank goodness you are there for the children.

Can you speak to the CPS person who visited, and tell him your worries? Since she lied, he may have a different decision to offer.

I wish you the best. And wish you strength and peace.

rdcrds

Well i want to give her the chance to do this. She was on Roxy's which are the same type of drug as H but worse and she checked into the Methadone clinic and was there for 3 years. I know Methadone is not a solution as many of the people who go there are users of other drugs as well. But she can get into there with H in her system it is the Crystal Meth that keeps her out of it. Then when she is there the need for H gets replaced with the methadone.

She told me today i am a downer as i harp on her to do this. Yes i can be redundant and keep telling her too much but i worry.

I know if she had to move out she would get worse. She would have to live with a junkie and it would be bad. But somehow the kids need to be more important than anything to her and not her to look for a way around it.

We argued this morning because she said i can refuse the test again which she said she is not going to do but they still would make her leave. She also said she can do H right up till Monday and go in the methadone clinic that day and be fine then.

I have never been a addict of drugs so i wish i knew how the love for her kids does not make me wise up faster. She loves them but a evil drug has taken a lot of that love.

chicory

rdcords,

Its like their brains narrow their focus down to one thing... their need for the drug. I wonder if they , in denial, tell themselves that the kids will be alright, because they cannot deal with taking care of children and feed their addiction,too? It just consumes them. So sad.

desypete

i lost my kids when i was in the pit of drink they took my kids away from me and my ex wife for 4 years
thats how long i carried on drinking after losing my kids and believe me i loved them with all my heart, but couldn't give up drinking
this is the sickness of the mind that people get to in there lives i dont know about drugs as i am not a drug addict i only know about alcoholism as thats my drug but i can tell you only when i lost everything and no one was around anymore to help me did i finally give in
the more anyone makes life easy for me the more i would do it my own way and manipulate people or situations
i got into aa and changed and within a year i got my kids back out of care and have been a single parent dad ever since and thats 10 years ago now thanks to aa and the hard line people took with me
i would suggest contacting the drug self help groups as they would be far more able to help than i on this subject
but the problem is she has to be ready no one will ever change unless they really want to there has to be that honest desire and sadly some people will just carry on and on thats why its such a serious menace to all who suffer and the poor family's who get torn apart by it all
i hope good will come to you and that your daughter can find the help she needs

Txhelp

desypete: I always appreciate when the recovering addict/alcoholic adds their post. It's the reality of the situation. People get better when they are ready. No person, place or thing is going to MAKE someone ready.

Talking them "to death" doesn't work. Neither does the begging or pleading.

They will swear to God; Bible; Children; on their life that they will get clean or straighten up. Often they really mean it! However, the drug takes over and it begins again.

hopeful4

I realize you want her to have a chance, but it is quite clear she does not want to do it. She knows just how much she can get by with. She accuses you of harping on her? Goodness, addiction produces the most selfish people ever.

I am so happy you are there for the grandchildren. God Bless!

pips198

God bless what you are doing for your grandchildren. My mom is in the same boat- my sister off and on heroin- will be clean for six or seven months at a time but always goes back. Have had her in rehab, has been on methodone programs nothing works. But my mom is her grandkids' rock, their stability. It is women like you and my mom that are giving these kids a fighting chance. I pray for your daughter. Keep being strong.

lablife

Ma'am, heroin and methadone are not from the same family. Yes they are both opiodes, but will not test the same. On a standard 8 panel drug screen she will test either positive or negative for heroin, or methadone. Heroin and methamphetamines are short lived opiodes and normally do leave the system within 72 hours, but methadone has an extended half life rendering it in the body for a longer period of time, up to a week. Prayers sent your way.

soberclover

My drug of choice was cocaine, a stimulant. Your daughter is using heroin (a narcotic/opiate) as well as crystal meth/methamphetamine (a stimulant) which shows that she is using one to feel up and one to feel down...this is a sign that her addiction is spinning out of control that she needs two different drugs to feel either way. That is what happened to me too. Now that I'm clean and sober I'm dealing with a situation somewhat similar to you. My partner's daughter, too, has the narrowed thinking about her drug heroin and not able to think about her son who the dad has custody of now. I ran a drug treatment program for Mom's a long time ago and I know she loves her child...but she loves her drug too. It is hard for some of us Moms to think about not changing for the child but the reality is that many cannot. Her using journey isn't over yet. I hope your recovery journey can begin

rdcrds

Well today is Thursday and it is so hard to know if she has got off the crystal Meth or not. I know she is still on H cause she says until the Crystal is out of her system tomorrow she needs it before going to the clinic.

So i told her today is 5 days before the guy comes and of course she says she does not need reminded and she knows the day is coming and is trying.

I can't ask her more than a few things before she blows up. I got mad when she said her friend was forced to leave here home and that got her clean and she got back.

So i said you do not want to do that and she got mad and so no she does not want to do that she was just saying and again got mad lol.

So what she claims is tomorrow she can go to the clinic and get Methadone as long as she only tests for H and not Crystal M. then that will be in her system and the CPS agent did say that it is fine for her to be in the clinic.

The reason we argue is she always lied. She would lie why she needed this that or the other and i knew they were lies. So when she says she is trying and only doing H i question it because she still runs out late at night. Of course she says it is for the H.

But she says i only make it worse when 3-4 times i day i ask her are you doing this? and i remind her constantly how much it would hurt the kids to see her move out. She says "I KNOW" She at least has no plans on faking the test but i just worry she is not going to pass it and thinks she will pass it. She is the type that waits till the last second to do things. Even before the H the kids had to be at school at 8:30 and she always left at 8:27 and got there at 8:29 and if there was any problem they were late.

So she is a last minute type person and she is not young her birthday is coming up and she will be 34 so it is not like she is a kid.

Thanks for all the support!!

chicory

Rdcrds,

Honestly, it may not help her at all to question her. It hurts you and keeps you feeling disappointed. You cannot cure her, cannot change her mind. If the fear of what is coming is not enough to get her doing what she needs to do, then nothing you can say will make a difference.
It does keep you from focusing on your needs though. You and the children are what you can do something about.
Its hard to let go. I know that personally. But to keep trying to find the right thing to say, in order to get her to get her act together, will surely only hurt you, wont help her.
She knows what happens , she knows what is coming up. If she plans badly, then she has more to learn. It may be a tough lesson she needs.

It isn't easy to take your thoughts off of her, and put them on happier things. it seems against nature. but when I am in the pits of worrying, I reach the point where I know that in order to have any life worth living myself, I need to let go.

Your life matters. You are important. Your happiness matters.

What can you do today, to enjoy your life? maybe take the kids out to the park, let them feel that they have your whole attention, that they are important too. I am not saying you don't do this, as you love your grandbabies, it's obvious. Just that I am sure that you could use some relief from worry. Its not selfish to turn her problems over to her Higher Power. Its the healthy and right thing to do.
Maybe she will do the right things. prayers that she does, and that you find peace .

lablife

Ma'am, my heart seriously goes out to you. What Chicory is telling you is the truth and I believe that you already know this. I was just reading that for a parent to have an addicted child is no different psychologically then for a parent to mourn the death of a child. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Just remember that the lord will never give you a challenge that is to tough, and he will never, ever leave you. We are here for you, even if you need to cuss, scream, shout, or anything in between.

hopeful4

This, absolutely!!!

AnvilheadII

i wonder if her in twisted drug addled brain she isn't really planning on "getting with the program" - she knows her kids are being taken care of better than she could and if she blows this test, she's out and no longer has to concern herself with motherhood - which is a real buzzkill.

whatever the case, she is NOT taking this seriously. she seems disconnected from her children, as if the mom switch got turned off. heavy duty drugs like heroin and meth do that over time as the need and dependency grow and the brain synapse get rewired so that drugs are the only thing that matters.

it is so sad. but it is what it is. the children are safe with you. thank God for that. how your own precious child will get thru this remains to be seen. we can't WILL them to see the light or to WANT to change. but we can have hope that some day they will get that moment of clarity. until then may you be well in these challenging times.

rdcrds

I am so tired of the black mails. I get the i need 20$ please i say no and then i get the bluff of ill never come home ill send the kids to there bio dads house and you can't stop me. I also get the i am trying to get right blah blah blah. I have no idea how she thinks she is going to get around tuesday even with H in her system. She claims she can't shoot it up cause of her arm. What this drug does is insane cause if you knew her like i did even 4 months ago it is not her its the drugs and the people she hangs with