Like the name says...
Down The Rabbit Hole and Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
Like the name says...
"Now it's time to pay the tax man". That's what my GI doctor told me when we reviewed my specimen sample.
A few weeks prior I went to emerg with a nose bleed that wouldn't stop. Almost three hours had passed and the blood showed no indication of slowing down. The EMT took my blood pressure...212 over 183. "Shouldn't I be dead?" He chuckled.
In emerg. they took blood from me. The nurse came back 20 minutes later. "We need more." Quizzical look from me. "Your blood isn't clotting, could be a bad sample." Sarcastic look from me...inside voice says "thanks tips, hadn't noticed with the liters of blood gushing out of my face."
Finally, the doctor shoved liquid cocaine cotton covered cotton balls up my nose. Apparently this slows the bleeding and freezes your nose. I can't believe people do coke voluntarily...that was an awful feeling. 20 minutes later he comes at me with this streaming hot pointy thing. I back up as far as I can in the chair. He seems offended. I finally let him get in the offending nostril. Eff a bag. What an uncomfortable experience. Once done he jams what seems to be an excessive amount of gauze up there. "Leave this in for three days." Raised eyebrow by me. "I have to go to work like this?" Simple nod. Awesome. P.S. when I went to get the gauze out...the doctor grabbed the end and seriously walked away from me for about 8 or 9 feet before it all came out. Sick.
Back to the good ol' GI doc. He's good. Tricky little devil. I had put on my professional panties. I had already examined the numbers on specimen chart and started asking him questions. He cut me off. "Why are we here?" Haughty look of derision on my face. Eff a bag...he's going to make me say it. "Alcohol abuse". Simple nod. I don't think medical professionals know how to say yes. "You have 3-6 months to live". I blink several times. "3-6 months?" Simple nod. Now I'm ticked. How can that be? Sure the numbers on the page suck....my CBC is "critical". "How much do you drink?" More blinking from me. "A few a night." "No, not possible" he says. I look at my fiancee. Ugh. He offers up the truth "a 60 a week". Simple nod. He then goes in to his speech about how it's not cirrhosis and that I have a decision to make and only I can make it. He stated if I continue on this path, I'll be lucky to see a month. So I ask how is this possible? He explains, everyone is different. He has seen people drinking 5 times what I had for 40 years and not develop any negative results on their bodies. My body just doesn't know how to metabolism alcohol or ibuprofen so these items just sit and rot away the insides. He said, "it's up to you". "You can stop right now because the liver is highly regenerative or I can give you something to make you comfortable until you go. But I can't make the decision for you and neither can he". Gesturing to the ol' ball and chain. I sit, stewing for a few minutes. I'm mad, embarrassed and completely ashamed. I guess he picked up on that. "There is no judgement here. You're not a bad person." My fiancee looks over at me with his big gorgeous green eyes. "I'll help you. But if you decide you're not drinking...it's all or nothing. Not a sip here or a sip there. NOTHING. If you want to keep drinking then that's up to you too."
Clearly I don't want to perish. I'm 3 freaking 2. I chose. No more booze. I had just purchased a 60 the night before and one ounce was gone from the bottle. The moment we got home...the ball and chain grabbed the bottle and said "here". Dirty look from me. I walked over to the sink and dumped the whole thing out. That was April 22nd. I have not had a single drop since then.
I actually feel better. My skin looks amazing and my eyes are starting to clear up. I was developing jaundice and they are still yellow at the corners but the GI man says that can take months and months. My urine is also back to a normal colour. Glad you know that, eh?
So this Friday I have to get more blood work done...see how the CBC is doing and the liver enzymes and then go for a CT scan right after that. Not looking forward to it.
The ball and chain believes the GI man said 3-6 months to scare the crap out of me. I don't know...I hope so. It worked, I'll give him that. So, I'm not giving up. I have a lot of life left in me and I refuse to let this stop me.
A few weeks prior I went to emerg with a nose bleed that wouldn't stop. Almost three hours had passed and the blood showed no indication of slowing down. The EMT took my blood pressure...212 over 183. "Shouldn't I be dead?" He chuckled.
In emerg. they took blood from me. The nurse came back 20 minutes later. "We need more." Quizzical look from me. "Your blood isn't clotting, could be a bad sample." Sarcastic look from me...inside voice says "thanks tips, hadn't noticed with the liters of blood gushing out of my face."
Finally, the doctor shoved liquid cocaine cotton covered cotton balls up my nose. Apparently this slows the bleeding and freezes your nose. I can't believe people do coke voluntarily...that was an awful feeling. 20 minutes later he comes at me with this streaming hot pointy thing. I back up as far as I can in the chair. He seems offended. I finally let him get in the offending nostril. Eff a bag. What an uncomfortable experience. Once done he jams what seems to be an excessive amount of gauze up there. "Leave this in for three days." Raised eyebrow by me. "I have to go to work like this?" Simple nod. Awesome. P.S. when I went to get the gauze out...the doctor grabbed the end and seriously walked away from me for about 8 or 9 feet before it all came out. Sick.
Back to the good ol' GI doc. He's good. Tricky little devil. I had put on my professional panties. I had already examined the numbers on specimen chart and started asking him questions. He cut me off. "Why are we here?" Haughty look of derision on my face. Eff a bag...he's going to make me say it. "Alcohol abuse". Simple nod. I don't think medical professionals know how to say yes. "You have 3-6 months to live". I blink several times. "3-6 months?" Simple nod. Now I'm ticked. How can that be? Sure the numbers on the page suck....my CBC is "critical". "How much do you drink?" More blinking from me. "A few a night." "No, not possible" he says. I look at my fiancee. Ugh. He offers up the truth "a 60 a week". Simple nod. He then goes in to his speech about how it's not cirrhosis and that I have a decision to make and only I can make it. He stated if I continue on this path, I'll be lucky to see a month. So I ask how is this possible? He explains, everyone is different. He has seen people drinking 5 times what I had for 40 years and not develop any negative results on their bodies. My body just doesn't know how to metabolism alcohol or ibuprofen so these items just sit and rot away the insides. He said, "it's up to you". "You can stop right now because the liver is highly regenerative or I can give you something to make you comfortable until you go. But I can't make the decision for you and neither can he". Gesturing to the ol' ball and chain. I sit, stewing for a few minutes. I'm mad, embarrassed and completely ashamed. I guess he picked up on that. "There is no judgement here. You're not a bad person." My fiancee looks over at me with his big gorgeous green eyes. "I'll help you. But if you decide you're not drinking...it's all or nothing. Not a sip here or a sip there. NOTHING. If you want to keep drinking then that's up to you too."
Clearly I don't want to perish. I'm 3 freaking 2. I chose. No more booze. I had just purchased a 60 the night before and one ounce was gone from the bottle. The moment we got home...the ball and chain grabbed the bottle and said "here". Dirty look from me. I walked over to the sink and dumped the whole thing out. That was April 22nd. I have not had a single drop since then.
I actually feel better. My skin looks amazing and my eyes are starting to clear up. I was developing jaundice and they are still yellow at the corners but the GI man says that can take months and months. My urine is also back to a normal colour. Glad you know that, eh?
So this Friday I have to get more blood work done...see how the CBC is doing and the liver enzymes and then go for a CT scan right after that. Not looking forward to it.
The ball and chain believes the GI man said 3-6 months to scare the crap out of me. I don't know...I hope so. It worked, I'll give him that. So, I'm not giving up. I have a lot of life left in me and I refuse to let this stop me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Taxman. Glad you decided to do something before it's too late - people do literally drink themselves to death, even after health scares similar to what you describe, so it's fortuntate you've made the decision while you have a chance.
SR is a great resource for getting and staying sober, I am a daily reader/poster and learn a tremendous amount. Don't discount local support either - AA/NA/counseling, etc... it's all worth a shot. The "scare" will eventually wear off - it always does. The key is finding something to keep you sober after that happens. Best of luck and read lots.
SR is a great resource for getting and staying sober, I am a daily reader/poster and learn a tremendous amount. Don't discount local support either - AA/NA/counseling, etc... it's all worth a shot. The "scare" will eventually wear off - it always does. The key is finding something to keep you sober after that happens. Best of luck and read lots.
Down The Rabbit Hole and Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
I'm not an AA kind of person...and I live in a small town. Nothing is anonymous. I'm more interested in meeting with a counselor to help me determine why I let this get out of control. But thanks for the support, I've been checking around the site and seems to be a lot of good resources.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by PayingTheTaxMan 
I'm not an AA kind of person...and I live in a small town. Nothing is anonymous. I'm more interested in meeting with a counselor to help me determine why I let this get out of control. But thanks for the support, I've been checking around the site and seems to be a lot of good resources.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Hi PayingTheTaxman, well done for stopping, it's not an easy choice, even when it's life and death.
I remember someone saying to me if he didn't stop drinking and smoking he had three months to live, he said what else is there, he was giving up hid pleasure for anyone, not even his life!
Stick with it, the benefits outweigh the drinking, even though I don't sound like it does sometimes, it can be a roller coaster to be on just hang on tight, you will get there xx
I remember someone saying to me if he didn't stop drinking and smoking he had three months to live, he said what else is there, he was giving up hid pleasure for anyone, not even his life!
Stick with it, the benefits outweigh the drinking, even though I don't sound like it does sometimes, it can be a roller coaster to be on just hang on tight, you will get there xx
Down The Rabbit Hole and Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
There are a lot of other methods out there besides AA, I listed several and there are several more in the sub-sections of the site. What you need to become "interested" in is doing whatever it takes to stay sober. It won't be easy, and you will most likely have to do things that you are not comfortable with. For instance, I am not an "AA kind of person" either. But I still have gone to AA meetings and I read the big book because there are parts of it that are applicable to anyone wanting to achieve sobriety.
☀️⛳️
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by PayingTheTaxMan
"Now it's time to pay the tax man". That's what my GI doctor told me when we reviewed my specimen sample.
A few weeks prior I went to emerg with a nose bleed that wouldn't stop. Almost three hours had passed and the blood showed no indication of slowing down. The EMT took my blood pressure...212 over 183. "Shouldn't I be dead?" He chuckled.
In emerg. they took blood from me. The nurse came back 20 minutes later. "We need more." Quizzical look from me. "Your blood isn't clotting, could be a bad sample." Sarcastic look from me...inside voice says "thanks tips, hadn't noticed with the liters of blood gushing out of my face."
Finally, the doctor shoved liquid cocaine cotton covered cotton balls up my nose. Apparently this slows the bleeding and freezes your nose. I can't believe people do coke voluntarily...that was an awful feeling. 20 minutes later he comes at me with this streaming hot pointy thing. I back up as far as I can in the chair. He seems offended. I finally let him get in the offending nostril. Eff a bag. What an uncomfortable experience. Once done he jams what seems to be an excessive amount of gauze up there. "Leave this in for three days." Raised eyebrow by me. "I have to go to work like this?" Simple nod. Awesome. P.S. when I went to get the gauze out...the doctor grabbed the end and seriously walked away from me for about 8 or 9 feet before it all came out. Sick.
Back to the good ol' GI doc. He's good. Tricky little devil. I had put on my professional panties. I had already examined the numbers on specimen chart and started asking him questions. He cut me off. "Why are we here?" Haughty look of derision on my face. Eff a bag...he's going to make me say it. "Alcohol abuse". Simple nod. I don't think medical professionals know how to say yes. "You have 3-6 months to live". I blink several times. "3-6 months?" Simple nod. Now I'm ticked. How can that be? Sure the numbers on the page suck....my CBC is "critical". "How much do you drink?" More blinking from me. "A few a night." "No, not possible" he says. I look at my fiancee. Ugh. He offers up the truth "a 60 a week". Simple nod. He then goes in to his speech about how it's not cirrhosis and that I have a decision to make and only I can make it. He stated if I continue on this path, I'll be lucky to see a month. So I ask how is this possible? He explains, everyone is different. He has seen people drinking 5 times what I had for 40 years and not develop any negative results on their bodies. My body just doesn't know how to metabolism alcohol or ibuprofen so these items just sit and rot away the insides. He said, "it's up to you". "You can stop right now because the liver is highly regenerative or I can give you something to make you comfortable until you go. But I can't make the decision for you and neither can he". Gesturing to the ol' ball and chain. I sit, stewing for a few minutes. I'm mad, embarrassed and completely ashamed. I guess he picked up on that. "There is no judgement here. You're not a bad person." My fiancee looks over at me with his big gorgeous green eyes. "I'll help you. But if you decide you're not drinking...it's all or nothing. Not a sip here or a sip there. NOTHING. If you want to keep drinking then that's up to you too."
Clearly I don't want to perish. I'm 3 freaking 2. I chose. No more booze. I had just purchased a 60 the night before and one ounce was gone from the bottle. The moment we got home...the ball and chain grabbed the bottle and said "here". Dirty look from me. I walked over to the sink and dumped the whole thing out. That was April 22nd. I have not had a single drop since then.
I actually feel better. My skin looks amazing and my eyes are starting to clear up. I was developing jaundice and they are still yellow at the corners but the GI man says that can take months and months. My urine is also back to a normal colour. Glad you know that, eh?
So this Friday I have to get more blood work done...see how the CBC is doing and the liver enzymes and then go for a CT scan right after that. Not looking forward to it.
The ball and chain believes the GI man said 3-6 months to scare the crap out of me. I don't know...I hope so. It worked, I'll give him that. So, I'm not giving up. I have a lot of life left in me and I refuse to let this stop me.
A few weeks prior I went to emerg with a nose bleed that wouldn't stop. Almost three hours had passed and the blood showed no indication of slowing down. The EMT took my blood pressure...212 over 183. "Shouldn't I be dead?" He chuckled.
In emerg. they took blood from me. The nurse came back 20 minutes later. "We need more." Quizzical look from me. "Your blood isn't clotting, could be a bad sample." Sarcastic look from me...inside voice says "thanks tips, hadn't noticed with the liters of blood gushing out of my face."
Finally, the doctor shoved liquid cocaine cotton covered cotton balls up my nose. Apparently this slows the bleeding and freezes your nose. I can't believe people do coke voluntarily...that was an awful feeling. 20 minutes later he comes at me with this streaming hot pointy thing. I back up as far as I can in the chair. He seems offended. I finally let him get in the offending nostril. Eff a bag. What an uncomfortable experience. Once done he jams what seems to be an excessive amount of gauze up there. "Leave this in for three days." Raised eyebrow by me. "I have to go to work like this?" Simple nod. Awesome. P.S. when I went to get the gauze out...the doctor grabbed the end and seriously walked away from me for about 8 or 9 feet before it all came out. Sick.
Back to the good ol' GI doc. He's good. Tricky little devil. I had put on my professional panties. I had already examined the numbers on specimen chart and started asking him questions. He cut me off. "Why are we here?" Haughty look of derision on my face. Eff a bag...he's going to make me say it. "Alcohol abuse". Simple nod. I don't think medical professionals know how to say yes. "You have 3-6 months to live". I blink several times. "3-6 months?" Simple nod. Now I'm ticked. How can that be? Sure the numbers on the page suck....my CBC is "critical". "How much do you drink?" More blinking from me. "A few a night." "No, not possible" he says. I look at my fiancee. Ugh. He offers up the truth "a 60 a week". Simple nod. He then goes in to his speech about how it's not cirrhosis and that I have a decision to make and only I can make it. He stated if I continue on this path, I'll be lucky to see a month. So I ask how is this possible? He explains, everyone is different. He has seen people drinking 5 times what I had for 40 years and not develop any negative results on their bodies. My body just doesn't know how to metabolism alcohol or ibuprofen so these items just sit and rot away the insides. He said, "it's up to you". "You can stop right now because the liver is highly regenerative or I can give you something to make you comfortable until you go. But I can't make the decision for you and neither can he". Gesturing to the ol' ball and chain. I sit, stewing for a few minutes. I'm mad, embarrassed and completely ashamed. I guess he picked up on that. "There is no judgement here. You're not a bad person." My fiancee looks over at me with his big gorgeous green eyes. "I'll help you. But if you decide you're not drinking...it's all or nothing. Not a sip here or a sip there. NOTHING. If you want to keep drinking then that's up to you too."
Clearly I don't want to perish. I'm 3 freaking 2. I chose. No more booze. I had just purchased a 60 the night before and one ounce was gone from the bottle. The moment we got home...the ball and chain grabbed the bottle and said "here". Dirty look from me. I walked over to the sink and dumped the whole thing out. That was April 22nd. I have not had a single drop since then.
I actually feel better. My skin looks amazing and my eyes are starting to clear up. I was developing jaundice and they are still yellow at the corners but the GI man says that can take months and months. My urine is also back to a normal colour. Glad you know that, eh?
So this Friday I have to get more blood work done...see how the CBC is doing and the liver enzymes and then go for a CT scan right after that. Not looking forward to it.
The ball and chain believes the GI man said 3-6 months to scare the crap out of me. I don't know...I hope so. It worked, I'll give him that. So, I'm not giving up. I have a lot of life left in me and I refuse to let this stop me.
A very powerful post and a wake up call for so many people in similar situations.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: TN
Posts: 114
Dear God man. Glad your still with us! Take your experience as the warning of all warnings. I'm happy to see your climbing out of this hell hole you were in. Best of luck on your health. It will get better.
Down The Rabbit Hole and Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by tim68
Dear God man. Glad your still with us! Take your experience as the warning of all warnings. I'm happy to see your climbing out of this hell hole you were in. Best of luck on your health. It will get better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 129
Welcome Taxman! I hope everything will be ok and hopefully you will always remember how you are feeling right now. These scary and anxious filled feelings have kept me sober when I start thinking I can drink again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
Welcome to SR. I am glad you found this place. The people here have been incredibly helpful and supportive to me
You did the right thing when you "chose" to stop drinking. And to have made it 21 days without alcohol shows that you are serious. But being successful at this requires more than a choice to stop. If that's all it took, there wouldn't be so many alcoholics. The choice to quit is the easy part. Now, you need to plan how you will stay sober. You need to read and to learn what has worked for others and what hasn't. You need to come up with a plan that will work for you. It doesn't have to be AA. But you need a plan. And you need to fight. Hard. Because the cravings can be SO powerful, even months after your last drink, that you have to know how to deal with them.
It is good to have you with us. Good luck. We are pulling for you.
You did the right thing when you "chose" to stop drinking. And to have made it 21 days without alcohol shows that you are serious. But being successful at this requires more than a choice to stop. If that's all it took, there wouldn't be so many alcoholics. The choice to quit is the easy part. Now, you need to plan how you will stay sober. You need to read and to learn what has worked for others and what hasn't. You need to come up with a plan that will work for you. It doesn't have to be AA. But you need a plan. And you need to fight. Hard. Because the cravings can be SO powerful, even months after your last drink, that you have to know how to deal with them.
It is good to have you with us. Good luck. We are pulling for you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by PayingTheTaxMan
The big book? Are you referring to the bible?
Bottom line, don't discount anything until you have tried it when it comes to recovery. The alternative is not pretty...but you already know that, right ;-)
One of the big fears people have about group-type meetings or recovery groups is anonymity, especially if they live in small towns. The reality is that people already know that you are an alcoholic - no matter how well you try to hide it. I"m not suggesting that AA or NA or even public recovery groups are REQUIRED for one to recover, but the "cat is out of the bag" with our drinking whether we want it to be or not. I'd much rather be known as a recovering alcoholic than a practicing one.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hee Hee He
Originally Posted by PayingTheTaxMan
woman.
Seriously, welcome to the forum! Lots of wisdom among these folks here.
Post away! It definitely is a ride and everyone here can help fasten your seatbelt
Down The Rabbit Hole and Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia
How are you doing PayingTheTaxMan?
The biggest struggle right now is the boredom. I guess I used drinking to pass the time and now I'm having a hard time getting motivated to do anything to pass the time. But I haven't returned to the bottle. I have great support around me to help me get up and get moving.
Had my CT scan last week and tomorrow the specialist is going to review the results with me.
People are noticing more and more change in my appearance. My boss actually stepped back from me and went WHOA...you look alive today. HA. If only he knew. Someone I've known for five years looked at me and said...I didn't know you had hazel eyes. They were always so red or yellow before. My skin is clear...everyone says I look "radiant". The nose bleeds have stopped (knock on wood)...the "unexplained bruising" has stopped (knock on more wood).
Lots of positives to focus on.
Thanks for asking.
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